Epic Rap Battles of Equestria: Melody Song v.s Steel Ripple (Heath) · 5:50pm Feb 6th, 2021
Co-Written with Blu
“Melody Song- even though you’re good at everything, the only thing you can’t beat me at is compliments!”
“What?! No way, I’m the best around!”
“You mean the best around before I stepped onto the scene.”
“No way! I’m the best, no one’s better!”
“Well, let’s test that theory, shall we? I’ll slay you with my pleasantries harder than I slayed the concept of faultian pushfeild energy conversion.”
“Well I’ll slam you into the ground harder than Applejack bucks trees and I’ll slice you more than a vegetable peeler.”
“That all you got?! I’ll tell you what— in order for me to step down from my compliment king throne, you gotta beat me at a rap battle. With compliments.”
“Oh, so you wanna go there? Well you better be ready! Come at the Queen, you best not miss!”
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. What the heck’re you sayin’?
Thinking you wanna challenge a rap veteran,
But since we’re not insulting, we’re based on alliance,
You’re a better person, it’s just simple science.”
“Well, that’s where I have to disagree
You're the better one, you see
You write all the stories, you make all the songs
So at this one fact, you’re in the wrong.”
“What’s this?
Get off the Battle Bus because we’re jumping to conclusions,
You’re telling me I’m better, but it’s only a delusion
You’re talented and motherly, you can’t say that I’m wrong,
You’re the one who made me think of you as a mom.”
“Yeah, well, look what you’re doing right there
Making up rhymes just in time, you got raps to spare
I may be like your mother but that don’t mean I’m always right
You’re mi hijo and I’m not letting you lose this fight!”
“That may be true, but I’ve lost my luster,
When it came down to my crush, you gave me confidence to muster.”
“Sure, I helped, but I just happened to be the first
Anyone would’ve helped, it’s not like you’re the worst.”
“Well, that’s just what I am, that’s my only purpose,
You can’t say I’m good based on what’s up on the surface,
I was just some shattered glass, I was broken and tattered,
You scraped me off the ground and convinced me that I mattered.”
“Yeah, and I’m proud I got you back on your feet
But that don’t mean you don’t got the beat
You know everything about lyrics you claim
And I bet you could make your way to fame.”
“Fame? Psh, I don’t do nothing with my life.
Your writing is creative like they friggin come alive,
Writer’s block’s a b-word but you never let it stop you
And me, I’m just a wolf wearing a budget sheep’s costume.”
“Oh please, you only say that because I don’t let it show
Writer’s block hits me just like you, you know
Hits me over and over and so hard
I might as well have a loyalty card!”
“Even still, if you think you could outrun me givin’ compliments
Then it’s pretty apparent that you’re running outta common sense,
You’re always comforting me when I’m under fire
Convincing me to stop and take a breath before I tire.”
“Yeah, but you help me too!
There’s so much stuff you’ve got me through!
Even when something’s wrong on your end,
You stay because you’re such a great friend!”
“Now that is where you’re wrong, because I’m always having problems, and you always try to solve em’ no matter just who’s involved and-
-did I mention my abandonment issues that you fixed?
When I’m not able to help you, I feel like a…
-a bad person.”
“See, now who’s slippin’?
Your compliments are sweet but they’re dippin’
You don’t just do it to make yourself feel happy,
You do it because it feels good, like the griffon Gabby.”
“That’s why you do it too, and you know I’m not wrong
Always comforting everyone even if they seem to fall-
-too much. Did I mention just how beautiful your wording is?”
“Diction can be found in any old book
It’s a writer like you that can get people hooked
Your writing’s less in numbers but your stories are better
I wouldn’t be surprised if you were given a recommendation letter.”
“That’s quality over quantity; it helps me to be lazy,
It’s you that makes me wanna write, when my verbiage gets crazy,
Even now, you’re inspiring when my mind was expired,
You could even coerce the meanest boss to get you hired.”
“Maybe I could but I’d rather be fired
I’d work for myself and yeah, end up tired
But I work like you do, because it makes me smile
So take that compliment and get it filed.”
“Well, you’re kind, you’re sweet, plus you’re cute and you’re intelligent,
Those are all the things when I’m compared make me irrelevant,
When I block out everyone, you’re the one that I turn to
And only you could fix the couple screws that I had turned loose.”
“Well, honestly, I can’t take all the credit
There are plenty of others who you’re in debt
But they won’t make you pay what they’re owed
Because you’re so sweet, like a baby doe.”
“Me? A baby doe? Oh, you fill me with woe,
Says the big fluffy marshmallow. Trust me,
I’m more like a baby, and you can’t deny.
If you took away my hoof nibs, you know I would cry.”
“Now don’t go playing that card, my son
As far as you’re concerned you’ve already won
You may call me a marshmallow
But it’s you who’s sweet as a summer sparrow.”
“Or maybe like a bear claw, but I couldn’t bear laws,
That was before you got me to step up, instead of
Smoking, or snorting, or rolling up junk,
You got me to be better, you picked me the heck up.”
“Sure, I pulled you up and made you see the light
But it’s you who turned from wrong to right
What could I have done alone?
You helped yourself get back in the zone.”
“Fine, I’ll give you that, self improvement is a thing,
But what else was gonna happen when I got back into drinking?
As far as I’m concerned I think you’ve already won,
But I think we should let the people decide if we’re done.”
“Fine, if that’s the way you wanna go
Let’s have the audience decide the end of the show
But I just have to say one more thing
If, that is, you’d let me continue to sing.”
“Fine, go ahead, but make it swift.
This process has been longer than distortional grip.”
“Well, as you know the power of song is magical to me
So I’m going to say something and you’re going to agree
You are, without a doubt, the best out of us two
The only one better than me is you.”
“....okay, okay, I can’t do this anymore- my heart’s melting and I can’t frickin stand it—”
“Oh, thank Luna, I can’t keep going, I’m running out of rhymes and these compliments are warming my heart.”
*flattered crying*
*Hugs, also crying* “You’re the best son-figure ever…”
“You’re the best mom-figure ever…”
“Okay… it’s a tie, even though you’re obviously the better one.”
“C-Can we go out for ice cream, mom…?”
“Of course we can mi hijo!”
“Yaaay!” *sniffles, pulling his hood over his head* “Let us know who won, although Mom deserves it more than I do.”
“No way, my son deserves it more.”
“Hmph...let’s just go get some ice cream.”
“Deal, ice cream for everyone!”
“Yaaaaay!”
I’m confused. They’re having the classic “I’m better than you” argument, yet they start rapping about how “you’re the better person”?
5448957
We didn't wanna insult each other! This was a better option...
5448959
And I'm still convinced you're perfect and I'm terrible
5448961
Why not? It is a rap battle after all!
5448962
I shall not, mijo
5448964
My son is too precious to insult
5448967
Eek! You're the child...my child...
i want a rap battle with rainbow dash vs apple jack but i love this tho
5448965
I’m sure he can take it... right, 5448967?
5448969
Maybe
5448970
Okay...
5448971
Not taking that chance. Must not hurt mijo.
5448974
I would’ve liked to see those blows in a rap battle, honestly. I mean, they would’ve been better than my blows. And I can’t think of any blows.
Heh. “Blows”.
5448977
I’ve watched a lot of these cartoon/video game rap battles, and a lot of their roasts kick ass. The puns make everything even better, honestly
5448981
Oh heck yeah!
5448978
Okay? Glad you enjoyed
5448975
I'm sure you'll get it Bez
Maybe you just need to practice writing a rap battle
5448981
Yeah!
5448988
Oh, you're on
Oooh, kewl
5448991
Mhm. Ice cream? *offers some* Surprised no one's commented about it, I did say ice cream for everyone
5448983
How am I supposed to practice though?
5448992
Yay! *nom*
5448987
Luigi’s Mansion just called. They want their “Blow” back.
5448993
What about the one with Phar and Venom that we started?
5448994
Mhm!
5448997
Well, I still haven’t thought of anything for that.
5449000
Oh...
5449005
Yeah, because I have never written anything for it before. And I still haven’t gotten the hang of it
5449008
But you'll never get the hang of it if you don't try
5449012
I did, and it didn’t work
5449016
But you can try again, that's what you do when you mess up
5449018
...maybe..
5449022
Okay...
5448985
Also referencing the Battle Bus from Fortnite?, what are we?, the Zero Point?.
We've been saved by the seven, now all we need is The Doctor, number eleven.
1234, now let's not declare a Time War.
5678 the daleks scream EXTERMINATE!.
The Doctor, who is he?, well my friend, that is me, i've lived far too long, and yet, somehow, i'm still strong.
Rose, River and the Ponds had their fun but now they're all gone.
So why am i blue, you ask?.
I'm a sad man inside, with both my dual hearts torn in two.
There's a fact about me, don't you know?
When i regenerate, "I don't want to go".
I'm a timelord of Gallifrey, sorry, no time to play.
I'm out saving the universe, not on a whim, just to end this last verse.
I stare out at the universe
In my machine.
My general says.
"I didn't know i was well off!, all twelve of them!".
But i replied.
"No, sir. All 13!".
Goodbye for now, off i go.
In my TARDIS.
GERONIMOOOOOOOOO!.
5449134
Cool rap
This ice cream is yum and I’m glad the flavours not rum as we all know for sum the flavour rum gives a upset tum
5449249
Uh...okay
5449138
Erm what does mijo mean
5449252
I’m terrible at rapping maby I should stick to the games where I’m bapping or zapping maby I should listen to some rapping when I’m napping and right now I don’t know what’s happening
5449253
"My son"
5449258
Okay