TTISI: CYBERPUNK 2077 (YEEEEH BOIIIIII-) · 2:04pm Dec 10th, 2020
Skidaddle skading, this is a spoiler’s warning!
BeeP
Okay, so quick story. When I checked to see if I could play it yesterday, the date that I could play it on had changed from seven o’clock to midnight. I know that’s only a five hour difference but oh my god did that change everything.
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Let’s see... give my character the fluffier Mohawk. Not the one that’s thin- I mean like- straight up- POOFY MOHAWK. The hair is brown while the sides are blue because it actually looks good to me.
Uh- cybernetics go across my nose, I’ve got a strong jawline, blue eyes (pale blue), uh- poofy brown beard with faint mustache. And now- nipples. I’m not gonna lie, kinda expected to see the option for different-color of nipples, but beggars can’t be choosers I guess.
Dick size.... default. We don’t have to be completely accurate *wiggles eyebrows*.
Uh, three strength, four intelligence, four reflexes, six cool, five technical.
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Pepe: I’m in debt.
Me: I can’t take you seriously.
Pepe: what?
Me: POGGERS!!! that’s why.
Pepe: Look V, could you settle my debt?
Me: sure, why not.
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Me: *casually approach Kirk*
Kirk: Do you know who you’re messing with?
Me: *sits down* do you?
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The car Padre and I are riding in is pulled over.
Punk: Padre, you better pull your men off the streets. Otherwise, we’re gonna have a problem. See. I’m generous enough to give you fair warning.
Me: Excuse me, who the fuck are you?
Punk: Important. That’s who I am.
Me, unimpressed: Then why don’t I know you.
Punk:... You better watch your mouth shithead.
As we drive away, I turn to Padre.
Me: I give him a week.
Padre: I’m taking him out in three days.
Me: cool.
Padre: anyway- don’t fuck this mission up.
Me: aight.
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Me: Hippity hoppity- *gets in car* this car’s my property.
Jackie: *comes from fuckin’ nowhere and points gun* Well, yes, but actually no.
Me:... *tries to floor it*... *car’s not moving*
Jackie: Nice driving. Now get out.
Police: YO BITCHES- GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!!!
Jackie and I: Fuck.
Stint: Well well well. If it ain’t two dumb fucks in a parking lot.
Me: Just get it over with.
Corp guy: Don’t arrest them, just toss them into the sea or something.
Me: Wait Wha-
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Me: Thank God he didn’t actually toss us into the sea.
Jackie: he was an ass though.
Me: true, but he grew up like he. Stint knew better than to turn on his own.
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*in first mission, humming metal gear solid theme as I hide an unconscious body* As much as I’d like to just kill people, I have a feeling it’ll bite me in the ass if I do.
After everyone’s unconscious, Jackie and I walk into a room with a bathtub full of ice... and two bodies.
Me: Oh shit.
Jackie: No kidding, what the hell are they doing here?
Me: *goes over to naked lady* fuck- uh- what should I do?
Jackie: Check her bio-med scan.
Me:... Right. *takes plug from my wrist and connects into her* Right uh- it says she’s part of Trauma Team’s care. Platinum member.
Scan: Trauma team will arrive in three minutes.
Jackie: Okay, is she good?
Me: we need to take her out of the bath.
T-Bug: Is the target safe?
Me: Yep. Relatively- *as I pick her up, she suddenly starts flatlining* NOT FINE NOT FINE- *looks at Jackie* Uh- INHALER THINGAMABOOBIDYBOB!!!
Jackie: Here- *tosses it*
Me: *injects the thing into the woman, who then proceeds to keep breathing thanks to that* woah, that was close.
Jackie: No kidding.
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*Police stopped us from crossing a bridge*
Police woman: There’s a lockdown in place. You can’t cross.
Jackie: oh, please?
Officer: No.
Me: *sisghs* Look, my main man’s girl’s waiting for him, alright?
Officer:... His girl?
Me: Yeah, his girlfriend.
Jackie: I promised I’d take her onto a date tonight.
Officer:... fine.
As we move on, I snicker.
Me: She certainly seemed to like ya.
Jackie: it’s because I showed commitment.
Me:... *laughs* commitment?
Jackie: yeah!
Me: uh huh. Totally had nothing to do with me then?
Jackie: Yeah yeah.
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*looks at mirror*... Funky boi... *goes to bed*
BeeP
Okay, so, I stopped a bit after Dex handed me the mission. So far, I think it’s a pretty decent game. The dialogue is well written, I’m actually interest in the characters, and I noticed like, one or two bugs so far. Keep in mind, I’m playing on the Xbox one s, which I figured would have exploded by now. But it actually runs very smoothly. The one noticeable bug I’ve encountered was when Jackie pulled into the garage. The garage’s insides were missing. No floor, no walls, no ceiling, I think I would’ve dropped from existence if the scene wasn’t scripted. But I mean, quite frankly, I just considered that as “Oh, my character’s got a virus from the woman he saved when he put his cable in her cable-Jack (not an innuendo), so really, this is just par for the course. If anything, it adds detail.” Now, maybe that’s just me being really nice, but I really do like this game already. I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Quite