On the Nature of the Passage of Time - Flickers Progress Update 56

It's a bit disorienting that it's only been four weeks since the start of the hiatus, and yet it feels as if much longer had passed by.

I'd think things would've gotten better by now. It hasn't. And, in some ways, it might have even gotten worse.

I admit that my mental state hasn't been exactly top-notch in recent days. It's been going on a creepingly slow downward spiral for quite some time now, since somewhere near the hiatus's beginning, but yesterday it just straight up crashed.

There're just too many things going on at once; too much changing all the damn time. I don't mind change itself per se, but such changes are coming way faster than I can handle them. I can pause for a moment or two and lie still, though that doesn't stop anything from happening. The clock keeps ticking.

The worst part is that, on paper, pretty much none of this should even be that hard to deal with in the first place. So why is it still so freaking difficult? I don't know.

More than anything, I wish to go back to a time where things weren't so as convoluted. Only mere months ago, where everything appeared as if it would only go uphill from there, instead of the metaphorical cliff that I observe now.

How did this happen? Unexpected as some particular events were, I yet knew exactly what was coming as it pertains to everything else. I knew exactly what to do. So I repeat: how did this happen?

I still don't know.

I want to continue writing. Even if it's a lot of work and takes its time, I enjoy conjuring up all of the complicated characters, scenery, and events in my mind, and then transcribing it all to a written form that's at least halfway readable. I just don't know when I'll be able to do that again freely when everything else is slowly decaying my mind.