Heir 404. A detailless Short by an amateur... Any advice? Criticism? edit: heh... guess not.. was it really that bad? · 5:41pm Sep 29th, 2020
I know its just a short... a prototype... but any advice that can get given is more than welcome.
Deep in the changeling hive. Queen Chrysalis enters a room, few have access to other than her.
The queen shouts impatiently. "Report!:
Everyling bows, and the lead scientist looks up and responds quickly. "It is ahead of schedule my queen."
"Good, good." A wide, evil smile spreads on the queens lips. "We are the only ones on BOTH sides of Sunbutt's portal with this kind of technology. Anchient AND otherworldly technology combined... MINE! hehehehahahaha... the possibilities are endless."
She looked over to a dark, near black-ish silver changeling shaped machine suspended up in the air by the same material the hive is made out of, Terapace. Its chest was open, revealing a dimly lit, heart shaped crystal and some junky looking parts inside. it was their most promising prototype yet, and hopefully the LAST for this project. She walked over to it, and to the team's extreme discomfort, tapped on it "This exoskeleton is different, what is it?"
The lead researcher smiles proudly and also responds quickly "We discovered a new biometal alloy, we call it, Caratanium."
"Cara"... the queen sighed. "I'm assuming it was Titanium that was used?... You lot are just as bad at naming things as the caretakers in the nursery." She shook her head and took on a mocking tone. "heh, ganglian!"
The lead scientist winced. "Y-yes my queen?
She turned to him with an annoyed look. "Nothing idiot, I was mocking your name..." she turned back to the machine and smiled "names don't matter, the results do, and you all have done well enough... turn it on!"
The lead scientist rushed over, transformed their hooves into gryphon claws and began typing. "Yes my queen."
The not-ling's organic crystal eyes opened and it spoke. "Unit, Error 404, online."
"System checks..."
"Senses... online"
"Servos..." the machine moves each limb, at least, if you can call the empty shells it has 'limbs'... "Operational"
"Invisibility... error insufficient power."
Chrysalis frowned and looked at the lead scientist. "Error 404?"
He winced again. "In the anthro world, It means not found. We haven't named it yet."
Chrysalis looked back to the machine. "404 means not found..." The changeling queen smiled again. "Perfect... name it 404. I think I want to give something a terible name for once. hehehehahaha" she laughs to herself.
The last one Chrysalis WAS expecting. "Dont worry, im working on that last one. Those ponies can be excited over their golems... HA! We are better that them, and this is the ultimate proof." She turned and as she left, she said. "This will be the beginning of my rise to power! If I can't rule with outright strength, I will rule with superior technology."
When she was gone the lead researcher spoke up. "She DOES know that this prototype alone won't help us 'rule the world'... right? Its just a test of multiple technologies."
The lead Scientist responded. "She knows we can hear her ramble OUT LOUD right?
What if I told you, this entire post was just one big "Changeling not found" joke...
nooOOO!
I'm back with another stupid post.
are you going to write a story from this? or you just making a joke? I do curious though.
5404668
Counting ones I haven't posted yet and shortened for repeats, I have around 215 ideas lying around. I have no idea what I'm going to make a story about.
5404672
Dude, I would love to talk about all of those 215 ideas. That is if you don't mind. I'm not joking.
Okay so, how about this one?
5404679
This was partially a joke I made out of one of the 215 that you asked about.
Ok so it's inspired by Sweetie Bot and my idea that the changelings have the potential to be very intelligent.
If the changelings had a mental connection to eachother and the ability to shapeshift their hands, it stands to reason that they could be the most advanced species in equestria. They are only held back by the incompetence of their leader.
For the idea itself, it can go invisible and its made from a mix of technology from EQG world (humans of mlp) and Anchient technology from the crystal empire that Celestia banned when something bad happened.
I dont know if I would have it go rouge. And/or become sweetie bot,. Or remain its own character and not have a sweetie bot. Or maybe sweetie bot already exists and they become friends bassed on they are similar.
If it became sweetie bot, I dont know if I'd keep the real Sweetie seperate, or have her put into it after a tragic event and now they live together or the AI sacrifices itself.
Or maybe Chrysalis builds more than one and tries to take over equestria with them, she gets close but it backfires somehow. Or maybe she tries with just the one.
Or hell, maybe it gets possessed by a ghost...
The possibilities are endless.
5404980
okay, let's start with this then. So who is the main character? (I hope you are not bored with this question.)
5405147
Half or more of the ideas are currently designed purposefully open to interpretation, my goal was to inspire people like you to bend it to your whim. I would have to go through and decide that for each one.
5405155
Make sense. I guess all I want is just to talk about your idea and shape it into a story. Though, that is if you are comfortable with it.