The Hardest Thing I Have to Admit - apparently, this was all my fault for being mislead. · 7:09pm Sep 13th, 2020
You ever had one of those days or moments when you feel like the biggest jerk alive? I'm sorry this has been my mindset recently, but some recent conversations and being able to think for myself over a specific subject has made me question literally everything. It's not often I admit this, but I'm going to man up and say it right here:
I was in the wrong.
There goes my pride and my pre-existing doubts, right out of the window. Just how many wrongs does this tally up to? Only half of what happened was from my own line of thinking, but the other half, it brings me shame, and a great deal of it, to finally open my eyes and realise I got played like a damn fiddle. Hey-iddle-diddle, the cat played the fiddle. Yup, that was me. Now I can only feel like the prize idiot. 
Everything I've ever known and thought about day after day for almost my entire existence was for nothing! How exactly does one reconcile with themselves over that fact? When I was so sure that I'd wager my life that I was right about so-and-so but later learned at the point it was too late that I had jeopardised a good thing. All because of a web of lies. Oh, hell, I got manipulated so well and fell for it on every word.
FireRain, Sir Ribe, you, dear sir, are a moron. And you should feel foolish. I'm not sure how much more of this my already-dead-and-depressed mind can take before I collapse in on myself. And now I'm not sure how to even begin going about doing the right thing and try to fix what was broken, but I think I have to cater to myself first on the grounds of my rapidly-declining mentality. You don't hear much from me nowadays or on my YT channel because I'm in such a sorry state. No, I'm not giving details, but trust me when I tell you it's nothing good. Once the answers are brought to me, I'll at least try and being to explain them, if that even still matters here.
Apparently, it can take only mere seconds for a human to crack under the right amounts of pressure and emotional strain. For once in my pathetic existence, I'm questioning everything, anything, myself and what to do and being sincere about it. I can't do so much as inhale deeply and let it out and have the notion to feel good about myself because that release hasn't been granted to me yet. Before that can happen, things have to change and be put right. In the slim chance that it's possible, which my observations on the matter suggest it's a much slimmer window that I can anticipate.
Oh, dear. What finer string of words fit me better than ''Colossal Moron''?.
Too scared to be alone and also so insecure to admit wrongdoings. Might as well be born with a hand to hold. And yes, do I feel nothing more than a childish imbecile. What to do now? I genuinely have no idea. Try and do the right thing?
Ugh...what the hell have I gotten myself into? I got lied and manipulated to and it opened up a world of pain and suffering, and I let it happen.
It looks like there's not much use in digging myself out of a hole that's already filled in.
Yup. I'm a disappointment. If you've ever thought that about me, well, you were right.
Now I'm too sad to not be numb. I'll be seeing you. 🤞
Please don’t hurt yourself
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Please don’t.
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...that's not what I meant. I meant "see you whenever". Really wish that rushed conclusion would stop.
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I’m so sorry I just didn’t understand. I know, I’ve should have read that better