I woke up after a bad dream about someone I loved, and they were in a horrible state · 11:39am Aug 1st, 2020
I've hardly been awake passed ten minutes. I have literally just gotten up, and it's almost 12:30. I'm still knackered, no matter how much I sleep.
My head is hurting a bit on either side and the dream I had made me sad. It was about a person I cared about but ended up losing without being able to say goodbye to. I dream about him every now and again, but it's not always the same. This time was different, and it was horrible.
I saw him at my mum's parent's house, where I'd be with my brother now and again as kids. I was talking to my grandmother and he comes into the small kitchen. When I see him, I'm horrified and so confused by the sight of him. From how he looked in real life, I don't know what happened to make him look like that.
He looked like he had been roasted by fire or something similar, his skin tan-ish and covered in boils, burns and lesions. He went to go shake my hand, but I didn't because I was so horrified that his hand was leaking puss and was covered in large boils and...whatever the other things were. He had no hair, either, for whatever reason. He didn't die of cancer, but he looked like he had a very serious and aggressive form of leukaemia. I don't know why he looked so terrible, and I remember his eyes were so pained and sad-looking. When we say each other when he'd come around, he was never sad. He was always a happy person.
I want nothing more in the world than to see him again, and it hurts seeing him this way when I viewed him as my dad. He's been in my life since I was a baby, so when I wasn't around my biological dad, he took on that role, and in some ways, I feel guilty for admitting that I wish my own dad was like that. Seeing him in so much pain and in a sorry state is so disturbing and upsetting I can't describe to you what it's like.
I'd like to see him again, but not like this. I don't know what happened. I think about him every single day, reminiscing about days, afternoons, evenings and nights spent with him, how much I wish to do that all over again. It can only happen in my dreams now.
I need to stop right here before I end up crying again. I'm already close. I don't feel right.
*Hugs*
Oh no, I'm sorry
Dreams sometimes...
When the mind regurgitates and mixes thoughts.
Then you wake up and feel shocked at how real that dream felt.
And you still feel disturbed by it.
Is that about right ?
Sounds like you had a doozy.
5327297
When life is so bad for everyone that negative thoughts prevail and we're all on-edge, it never ends. Like I said, I think about him every day. I have some other worries related to him and to some other matters I won't discuss openly, but I wish they weren't real.
I never saw him in the end. The last time I saw him was indeed the very last time I'd see him alive. I don't understand why he was so disfigured in the nightmare. He had already suffered more than enough thanks to certain others I sadly know.
So, yes, you're about right. A day later and I'm still sad by it. Best guess? I never got closure or was able to say goodbye. It's my most logical guess. I'm so sick of being sad all the time.