TTISI: Xcom 2

New save... again...Y’know, I have never finished an Xcom play through.

BeeP

Central: Commander, there’s a limited window of opportunity in which you are-
Me: Please shut the fuck up, I see the counter.

BeeP

I’m gonna be honest, I’m not that good of a tactician- *looks at the gas station that’s on fire, the two sections glaring at my guys, the snek warrior manhandling my communist soldier*... but I think this is a pretty good start.

BeeP

Okay, now to pick up the supplies-
Smosh: C O M M A N D E R .
Me: For fuck’s sake- what now?
Smosh: M I S S I O N .
Me: What- now!? I just got off of one to- fuck it, fine. You’re lucky you’ve got a smooth and buttery voice.

BeeP

Shen: Commander, I know you’re busy, but we have engineers just standing around.
Me: and I’M trying to figure out what to build next, so hakuna your matatas for a sec.
Tygan: Damn tasty Advent Burger
Me: I know Doctor, you’re close to finishing, but I need to-
Tygan: B U R G E R .
me: Yep, I’ll get on that.

BeeP

Fuck off... fuck off avatar project... THE ONLY AVATAR I WANT TO SEE, IS THE LAST AIRBENDER, NOW SHUT UP!!!

BeeP

Okay, uh, you? Who’re you? Spencer, okay, Jerry Spencer, you look like you’re ready to die, so move over here.

BeeP

Okay, so far, I’ve only lost three soldiers in the past... ten or fifteen missions. This is good.

BeeP

Central: Commander, there’s a retaliation attack.
Me:... *glances to see that most of my soldiers are hospitalized*... Quick question, would this mission reeaally be that important? Like, reeeeaaaally important?
Central: Commander.
Me:... Fine, let’s see how we-

BeeP

WELP. WE GOT ONE SOLDIER LEFT. AMAZING. FUCKING... AMAZING.

BeeP

*sees a chrysalid* Oh shit- no no no, not the discount xenomorph, nononononono- AAAAAAH!!!

BeeP

Smosh: C O M M A N D E R .
Me: Yeah, I know, I didn’t do well this-
Smosh: R E P O R T .
Me: Thank you, that was nice.

BeeP

Me: Doc, got the report in yet?
Tygan: Advent Burger
Me: What do you mean you need five more days?
Tygan: BURGER.
Me: Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I need the gauss weapons soon though.

BeeP

Shen: Commander, we can’t make anymore contacts-
Me: Then let’s build a-
Shen: We don’t have power for it.
Me:... Fuck, uh, let’s make a-
Shen: We don’t have the supplies for-
Me: THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME THEN!?!?

BeeP