A thought comes to me all the time and I don't know if sharing it will make a difference, but here it is · 7:28am Jul 5th, 2020
I was just thinking to myself about something that I've likely said a number of times before, about writing.
I don't know how to say it, but somehow I've developed a mindset that despises writing, to a certain degree. Yes, I find certain aspects about it fun and interesting, but doing it everyday, whether or not it is serious or for the sake of it, it's lost any significance upon me that allows me to care for it. I don't know how that happened (or when), but I liked doing it one day then hated it the next. And yet I still do it. What's wrong with me?
To be honest, you all know how much I'd like to be a musician one day and write my own songs, but the truth is I kinda don't like doing that, either. Mostly because I think I suck at it. I've never let myself think highly of anything I've done because I don't want to sound arrogant in any way or form. I don't want to be one of those people. In all seriousness, fuck that.
I dunno, maybe it's one of those many symptoms of depression or a side effect of confusion of what I really want, which I've been so of so many times that I can't tell the difference anymore. Maybe I'm getting worse, who knows?
Anyway, I'm trying not to dwell on anything right now, trying not to give myself a reason to kick my own ass out of a productive mindset. As much as I'd like to loathe myself over it, I don't have the energy to do it. Meh, all I can say is ''whatever'' and be done with it until my mind's made itself up, if it has the capacity to make such a decision over two choices. (Not likely)
As a musician, poet, performer, singer, songwrier & an author of stories, I unfortunately know the situation you're in all too well.
*Boops your snoot* /\ /\
You know what? John despised almost all of the early Beatles songs he wrote (especially Run For Your Life), just because you don’t like doesn’t mean nobody will.
Of course, getting around to writing them is a different matter entirely. I’m sure you’ll be able to find out what to do with that.