I don't know why I'm telling you this · 4:08pm Jul 4th, 2020
Today is independence day in America; a truly wonderful day paid for over countless decades. I would normally be celebrating. Yesterday I walked down into town and visited an ex-friend's house. We had an argument and shit got heated, so he declared us no longer friends; a month or maybe two ago (I've never been good at days or times exactly). He was mostly a sociopath. He had no emotions aside anger but he still tried to get past that. And I was helping him. If he got violent I knocked him on his ass and asked him what he could have done different. I cared about him intensely. No, I'm not gay, but I am 31 now and when we first met he was 21 and reminded me of myself. I didn't want him to do the same shit I had; go through the same self-wrought hell as me.
He wasn't home. Everything he owned was just flung onto the driveway and his place was being fixed up for a new renter. Apparently he got extremely sick recently, and he refused to go to the doctor because he stopped caring. He stopped caring about life...and so...Today isn't a celebration for me. It's another name to add to the list of those closest to me who...gave up.
But I guess if I shed tears for him, it means I still do care about others. If I hadn't yelled at him...As his only friend, would he still be around? I don't know. He wasn't well mentally, and Lord knows he had some rather horrendous demons he was fighting. Truth be told, I'll never know. Because I wasn't there when he needed me most.
I don't know why I'm telling you all this, but typing has been a way for me to feel a release of stress and depressive thoughts for a while. I hope you have a blessed independence day, and don't worry about me; I'll be fine with a little time.
Though if I could ask just one favor,
This 4th, find someone you know, someone you love, someone suffering from depression. call em or visit and let them know how much they mean to you. One voice can make all the difference. I just wish he had heard mine.
<3 your idiot,
doug/zakyria
I don't know if it makes any difference, but I know exactly how you feel. I've been in many situations very similar to yours. And even though it ended up the way it did with your friendship with him, it doesn't hurt to cry for him, because that just shows you still care for him like you said. Again, I'm sorry for your loss over your friend even if he was your ex-friend, you were just trying to help him, and that just shows you still cared about him as a friend.
5301052
I suppose that's what makes it hurt more than others I've seen die with my own eyes. I still care. I appreciate your support, nothing makes the pain stop, that's just a fact. In time, it can fade but will never vanish. Still, your words matter. Thank you.
No problem. I know what you mean about the time part. Just try this, as it might help: don't think about the way things ended between you two, or the problems he was going through, think about the good times you had with your friend.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I can't honestly say I've been through the same. I mean... I've known people who've given up, just not to the same extent. When I was still in elementary school, I had a friend whose brother committed suicide; and back in... I want to say either 2017 or 2018, our family's chiropractor did the same when his cancer got to be too much for him to take.
In any event, I'm sorry for your loss, ex-friend or not.
I have never been in this sort of situation, but I know people who have been. I am sorry for your loss. And to answer your question, the best guess I can offer is that you are telling us this both as a way of coping, and in the hopes that what happened to this person does not happen to anyone else.