Apologizing for taking the time(Non-mandatory post)

I find that it's a very common occurrence for me, that I always seem to be a burden on others. I have a litany of anxiety and depression problems that have persisted since I was a child, and as I grow up I find more and more people to be very callous and uncaring for my mental state. I never try to make myself out to be someone so broken that they need everyone's attention or compliments just to make me feel good for a fleeting moment, but everyone seems to treat me as such. I've never really liked attention, and when I say that I have these problems, I merely do it on orders of my physicians who advise me to stay out of situations that could cause negative reactions.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm trapped sometimes when even my family sees me as a burden the moment I even entertain the fact that I may not enjoy something due to my issues. All I want to really say, and all I ever really do say, is sorry for making it seem like I want everyone to feel sorry for me. They always complain that I expect others to just help me out of the kindness of their hearts, and I can't help but feel they resent me for it when I never even asked. All in all, I just want to take more steps to be independent and show that I can live just fine without the help and support I've gotten from them. I don't want to be a burden, and even though I live several thousand miles away I still feel that I am to them and everyone else I meet.

This is just something that has been on my mind for so long, and I never really thought of anywhere else to put it. Since this is, for the most part, anonymous I just felt like sharing my feelings. You never know who might be going through the same thing as you. While I don't have an answer per se for this conundrum of feeling like a burden to others, I can say that I know how it feels. Even I sometimes doubt whether or not I'm actually mentally unhealthy or just trying to get attention, but in either case I suppose both could be classed as mental sickness. In the end, all I can do is continue to live my life and pursue what makes me happy. I will lower my interactions with others, not as a punishment towards anyone, but to simply try and find that perfect balance of separation that they seem to be asking of me. When I look at my life, I want to be seen as someone who helps others shine brighter, not the one who forces everyone down to the depths with me.

Thank you to any who took the time to read, and hopefully whenever I feel down, I can look back on this and know the root of it all. This blog didn't necessarily have a point, but it is just nice to vent at times. It's just a place for me to dump my feelings and thoughts that I, admittedly, don't have anyone else to share with, but don't worry. Next time, I won't be so quick to shove my feelings onto you, I promise that I'll actually have something of substance to talk about. ~Emo Rainbow