TTISI: Pokémon Pearl Nuzlocke (Pt1) · 5:24pm May 24th, 2020
Alright, let’s get a new save, and we’re on our way!
The rules of a Nuzlocke is that I can only catch one Pokémon per route. Any Pokémon of mine that faints will be assumed dead. That’s right, they fucken die.
BeeP
Ah, the game opens up with us watching television, like a normal ten year old. However, I’m not a normal ten year old boy. I’m a ten year old boy with a thirst for blood, so let’s go talk to mom and get on our way!
BeeP
Ah yes, our rival. Of course, I gave him an appropriate name. His name is Tom. Fucking Tom.
BeeP
Tom, I may be starting a hardcore mode, but that doesn’t mean I want to commit suicide- and I’m jumping into the fight.
BeeP
Obviously, I should have checked my trainer ID, but I have as much smarts as Patrick Star. So I just chose at random and- oh I picked the penguin. Piplup? Well, I know what I’m gonna name you.
BeeP
Me: go! Noot-Noot! Yes, I named her Noot-Noot. Also, she is a girl. I found this out after-the-fact. But hey, she is a penguin nonetheless. Thus, her name is Noot-Noot. Anyway, what’s the first Pokémon I- *sees it’s a Bidoof*..... I hate you and everything you love.
*captures bidoof* Alright, what’s a demeaning name for you? I know! Doofus. Your name is Doofus. I hope you die. Fuck it, you’re first in line.
BeeP
God dammmit. Doofus isn’t dead and I’m challenging Tom. This is bullshit. How are you not dead?
BeeP
It’s been an hour and a half, and I haven’t even gotten to the first god damn gym because I need to train Doofus and Noot-Noot. This is going to take a while.
BeeP
Okay, I tried to fish for a Pokémon, but I got a magikarp, which died. Not by an enemy, I was just over powered. Still haven’t gotten to the first gym. On the plus side, I went north and got a Starly, so now I’ll have fast travel in the future. Noot-Noot is level 10, Starly (who’s called Feathers) is level 10 as well, and Doofus the fucking bitch who is level 9.
BeeP
I finally went right from Jubilife city, this is the two hour mark. Jesus... Oh hey a shinx. *it murders Doofus*.... At first, I was gonna kill you. Now, you’re gonna be my number three. I like you .... Sparky! Your name is Sparky! Sparks, rejoice!
BeeP
Oh, an Abra. You know, I could never do damage to them, and because I’m bored, I’ll just try to catch him. *throws a Pokéball. It works.*.... I didn’t expect that to work... Okay, so I’mma fudge the rules of this Nuzlocke a little. This Abra will be the only exception. His name is Saiki. If I could give him antennas or some green glasses, I would.
BeeP
Okay, it’s been 3 hours. I’ve been leveling up Sparky and Saiki, who are level 7 and 6. I’m taking a break.
BeeP
It's Time.
Fucking Tom