Proper nouns and you. · 5:15pm Nov 21st, 2012
It has recently come to my attention that...
Aw fuckit. I couldn't be all Mrs. McFormalpants if it came and bit me on the buttcheeks.
Anyway, yeah. Seems like there are some people who don't seem to know how to use proper nouns very well or know when they should be capitalized. Imma do my best to 'splain this out so that it makes sense to all the slow, or ESL, people like me* out there.
A proper noun is something like a name, a title, or a place, a noun that should be specific to an individual something.
For instance, the word "Lake Titicaca" needs to be capitalized because it refers to a specific lake in the Andes mountains. On the other hand, even though the Andes mountains are a place, you capitalize the "Andes" part and not the "mountains". Why do we do this? Well, English is a stupid language full of irregularities and shit. That's why.
When you're referring to Lake Titicaca, d'you notice that you are not using an article with it? That's because Lake Titicaca is a self-contained proper noun. The lake is the place, and therefore the lake is a Lake. This is not to say that you should have characters living next to Lake Titicaca casually referring to it as "the Lake" or "a Lake". When you put an article in front of it like that, you transform it into a common noun (more on those later). The Andes, on the other hand, always has a "the" in front of it. The proper noun in "the Andes mountains" does not actually include the mountains—only the Andes themselves. Just like you wouldn't have "the Andes Trees" or "the Andes Transvestites", you wouldn't have the Andes Mountains. Y'a mean?
A character's name would also be capitalized, since it refers to a single character. So you have Twilight Sparkle, rather than twilight sparkle, and you have Granny Smith rather than granny smith, or even granny Smith.
(Imma have to digress for a little bit to tell you what a common noun is, 'cuz I'll have a bit of trouble explaining it elsewise.
In English, a common noun is a general item, like a flower, or dogs, or a penis. You don't write them out as Flower, Dog, or a Penis unless it's someone's name—like that Bambi character who was a skunk, you know? The one where Bambi starts learning to talk and then he sees the skunk and names him Penis? [My sister dubbed over my version of Bambi. :(]
Even when you have a proper noun, if you are using it like a common noun you drop the capitalization. So a group of Twilights can be a group of twilights, or several copies of The Bible can be a stack of bibles. This is even true if you're using it in a singular form, like if you have a bible, rather than The Bible. I realise this issue can be kinda contentious, though, so use judgement!)
When you refer to Granny Smith, Granny Smith is being used as her whole name, even though "granny" is generally a common noun. When you have both of them together like that, acting as her name, the entire proper noun is there all at once, kind of like a box of timbits filled with all that granny goodness. If you take some of the timbits out, then your coworkers get pissed at you for eating the timbits before everyone else got a chance, and they will get their grandmothers to beat you up. Just like Granny Smith will if you spell her name "granny Smith" instead**.
Okay, that metaphor didn't make any sense, but the point still stands.
Here is something that people tend to fuck up a lot:
Just like how you lose the caps on proper noun being used as a common noun, you turn on the caps when you use a common noun as a proper one. Most people understand that when they have a character named Shitnuggets, even though shitnuggets isn't usually a proper noun, they should capitalize it 'cuz it's the character's name. What they tend to screw up is when people have titles being used like names. So when Shitnuggets is also a mother, and Shitnugget's daughter refers to Shitnuggets as Mom, then the common noun "mom" must be treated like a proper noun.
"Hey, Mom," said Jane. -> This is correct.
"Greetings, Mother Shitnuggets," said Jane. -> This is also correct.
"Hey, mom," said Jane. -> This makes it look like you got your head up your ass about how proper nouns should be used.
"Greetings, mother shitnuggets," said Jane. -> This makes it sound like Jane has Tourette's. Like I probably do. Fuck.
Keep in mind, though, that when titles like that aren't being used as proper nouns, you shouldn't capitalize them.
For instance:
"I love my mom," said Jane. -> This is correct.
While Jane is specifically referring to her own mother, she is using the word "mom" as a common noun, using a first-person singular possessive to exclude this one mother from all the rest, rather than a specific title. This also goes with other possessives, numbers, articles such as "the" and "a". (Her mom, their mom, our mom, five moms, the mom, a mom, and of course YOUR mom. She so nasty that she throws ice in her pants to keep the crabs fresh.)
If you have absolutely no imagination (like me!) and can't think up any good names for your pets, you might already be familiar with this.
"I love my dog, Dog." -> This is correct. A dog is being referred to, and consequently that dog is referred to by its given title, Dog.
"I love your mom, Dad." -> This is correct.
"I love my Dog, dog." -> This is so wrong that wtf are you even smoking?
"I love your mom, dad." -> You are directly addressing your dad or someone named Dad (hence the direct address comma) and therefore you are capitalizing things WRONG. You are not describing a dad. You are talking to one, and then you are not even giving him the courtesy of using a proper noun. It's like you're talking about him as if he wasn't there!
Moms and dads aren't the only ones who get this treatment, though. When you use any common noun as a proper noun it should be treated as such. Sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, even your shitty cousin who shows up to every family reunion smelling like booze and hookers. Even he gets to be a person sometimes.
If you got any questions or objections, feel free to bring them up in the comments. I am a big girl. I will only rage at you gently, and neither of us will go into that good night.
* No 4srs. I am both. If I can use proper nouns correctly, then anyone can!
** Yes, I realise this is a fragment!
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Here are some good resources:
(Also, to that person who told Librarian that he shouldn't capitalize "Sister" even though it was used both in direct address and as a proper noun, you can go and eat Bambi's friends!)
first
521137
penis
521138 Or is it being used as a proper noun and therefore 'Penis'?
See! I can learn stuff!
Hiss! ESL!
(And lawl, it's late and I'm making nonsense.)
521145
From now on your name is Penis, then. Or in a combination with your current handle I'll just call you My-Penis.
521147
We can be ESL buddies together. It's like butt buddies, but with more conjugation. Or less? idk. I should really learn what conjugation means.
521153
D: I thought we already were ESL buddies. Were you cheating on me?
Conjugation is that thing where amoebas are joined at the hip* and exchange genetic stuff. Pretty much sex for single cells.
*pseudo-hip? idk with these shapeless blobs.
521149 I have no objections to this new name, but that might just be because it's like 2am and I am not even sure what words are. D:
521165
You are the cytoplasmic bridge to my heart. <3
(I literally animated some single-celled organisms having sex a few years ago. I had some leopard slugs doing it, too. It is actually really pretty when leopard slugs decide to get nasty with each other.)
521170
Words come out of your mouth, and if you open yours and close your eyes I can put them back in. :3
You should become a grammar professor. The world needs instruction in realistic, casual delivery systems.
521596
Seconded. Always nice to have a grammar brush-up in a clear casual voice.
I would argue that
is acceptable; 'mom' is being used as a description of Shitnuggets in relation to Jane, not as a title.
523861
If "mom" was being used as a description of Shitnuggets in relation to Jane, she would say "my mom", "a mom" or "the mom". In the given example, her mother is being addressed directly and without any possessive or article, therefore her familial status is being used as her title rather than as a description.
I will totally add that, though!