TTISI: The Escapist 2 · 4:34am Apr 9th, 2020
Center Parks 2.0, breakfast time.
Me: *crying at a table with a dude named Ashley*
Ashley: Uh, are you alright?
Me: No! I’m not alright! I committed a fuckton of crimes that I regret. One of which, is that sometimes, I listen to ASMR without headphones, but that’s because I can’t buy headphones in the middle of the night.
Ashley:... *picks up tray and walks away*
Me: Oh God why am I so despicable!?
BeeP
Alright, no more crying, what do I have to work with so far? *checks personal desk*... Some tape, wood, nails, a screwdriver... I can make this work.
BeeP
Visitor who I named Billy: *literally proceeds to tell me that my grandfather died, my goldfish escaped his tank, and I went bankrupt*
Me: WTF, okay, Jesus Christ. I mean, I know I didn’t upvote that one reddit post, but it was cringe!
BeeP
Me, whispering: In a past life, I pissed on your law-enforcing-ancestors.
Police Officer named Berry: Uh-
Me: *makes the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture as I go to Roll Call*
BeeP
Officer: We apologize in advance if we have to punish you.
Me: And I apologize in advance for not giving a shit about whatever it is I planned to do.
BeeP
Huh? What’s a ‘fake sound device?’ *crafts it*... Oh, okay?
BeeP
Yeah, is this the front desk? My toilet got fucked and I-
My character: I can’t escape with the fake sound device.
Me: Ooooooooooooo! *rubs hands in sneaky-sneaky-slinky-dinky*
BeeP
Me: okay, so I imagine I can’t run around looking like an inmate, right? I probably need civilian clothes or something...
BeeP
*checking through other people’s desks* goddamn, why does no one have any civilian clothes? *proceeds to ignore the fact that EVERYONE IN HERE IS A PRISONER.*
BeeP
Wait... THE FILMING CREW!!! *proceeds to face palm with a thousand hand strength* Christ, my stupidity is like lightning, random and sporadic.
BeeP
Me: *leans in to a filming crewman* Do you wanna know how I got these scars? Well you see, when I was young boy, I found this show called Rick and Morty. There’s this scientist, right? So, one day, he turns himself, into a pickle. He’s called, Pickle Rick, funniest shit I’ve ever see-
Crewman: Sir, if you don’t back the hell up, I’m going to call security on you and gaze your ass so fast-
BeeP
Yes! I got it! Time to sneakerio like a burrito! *puts on clothes* Righr, now I just gotta-
Policeman: Walks around the corner: HelLO tHeRe!
Me: Oh sweet Jesus!
Policeman: *leans in with a hum of suspicion*
Me: *leans back a bit*
Policeman:.......... Nah, it’s probably nothin’! *continues patrol*
Me:....... Oh fuck that scared me.
BeeP
Me: Walks out, disguised.
Crewman: Yeah, there was this one prisoner that was crazy, alright? He started talking about scars and shit, and how a scientist turned-
Me: So long gay boi! *immediately runs off*....
BeeP
Ah this game, so fun