Absences and Mental Health · 9:59am Feb 2nd, 2020
Hey all. I'm not sure how many people will read this, but I figured I'd post something about where I've been since it's been well over a month since I last updated Glow to the Future. Writing a short, quick crossover fic that quickly became not so short or quick was a factor, yes, but it's also been a month since I finished that, and I was actually feeling refreshed after getting that down on digital paper. No, the real problems are confidence and anxiety based. I just haven't been doing very well mentally, to tell the truth. I won't get into details, but suffice it to say that I've had a pretty dark outlook these last few months, and my writing was about the only thing I was able to pour effort into, and it helped sustain me. It also put a lot of pressure on me to do well with it, and that managed to get to me a few weeks ago. I greatly appreciate every comment I get, but seeing that notification just fills me with this horrible irrational dread.
"What if they hate it?"
"What if I've screwed something huge up and have to rewrite huge chunks of it?"
"What if the story was just a dumb premise from the start and there's no point in continuing?"
There are still a few comments I haven't read, including a huge chunk of important feedback I got in an email from submitting the story somewhere, all because even thinking about it basically gives me a panic attack. I know it's stupid and doesn't make sense, but my brain is just messed up that way. I've basically been crippled by this for a while, which is why I failed to finish the latest chapter for so long. It'll probably still take me a bit to get to working with all that constructive feedback, but in the meantime I'll keep writing, since it's just not healthy to cut it out of my life completely just because I'm scared. I'll be posting a new chapter shortly after posting this blog, too, so there's that. Sorry my broke brain has let you all down. I hope to keep it from being too much of a problem in the future.
- PM out
No problem! This is actually my favorite depiction of Twilight post season 9 so far. Feel free to take the time to do it right.