What year is this, again? · 8:17pm Oct 20th, 2019
It's been six and a half years since I last laid eyes upon this account of mine.
Six and a half years.
It's frankly staggering to think about, even. I was around the fandom still, fully participating, for all this time - but I never returned here. I did not forget, no - how could I forget my one and only fanfic, no matter how dinky and clunky it was, and the place where I published it? And yet, soon after S3 was over, I faded away from here.
And now I find myself returning, at long last, with all of the show we are fans of having passed by, in the days following the formal end of animated "canon".
It all feels a lot like this one scene some of the possible readers of this may know.
(I would have used the "Chewie, we're home" shot from Force Awakens, but after what Disney Wars has become, I feel it'd have been in poor taste, albeit ironically fitting in some other ways. Prince Caspian, at the very least, had its clear weaknesses but was a lot more palatable overall.)
It's a little hard to even wrap my head around how long it's been. And why did I not return? Well, at least I have an answer to that, of sorts - tricks psychology plays, and feeling bad about my own failure to measure up to the kind of plans and ambitions I had at the time. Looking back at my old blog posts here (I forgot how lively my writing could get! But I did remember the cute emoticons Fimfic has well, and seeing them again was like meeting old friends, just very small ones), it's not hard to guess exactly how. I misjudged how ready I was for more writing after the uncertain fate of my first fic (one which, though I knew even then was entirely deserved, still discomfitted me a little), and what else I was or was not capable of, or into, in terms of fan work. That only added on to changing IRL life events, meeting and spending time with new friends, and mounting responsibilities, and when it all squared up against the ideas I had for fanfics at the time... well, much as I regret it now, I did not feel inspired to sit down and work on them, even though I actually tried. I felt like I disappointed my own plans and whoever else may have been here to see them not materialize (common though it is among fresh fans) - and my emotional, psychological response had me avoid this place and "hide" as other fan pursuits, like those mentioned in my last blogpost as well as those that came about since, such as the sorry tale of how I was crew for a fan streaming site, took up my attention and spare time.
But that... that's all now in the past. Fairly distant past, at that - back when I vanished from here, our fandom was still in its "early" years, at the later stages of its phase of most explosive and enthusiastic expansion and booming fan content creation, its greatest and liveliest buzz of new activity and new beginnings. Now, I return after the show itself has wrapped up (and having made my discontent with the state of affairs around its ending unmistakable and very vocal), and the fandom has changed several times over, now a sort of stable (heh heh) community that has not even been that closely attached to the current iterations of the show that spawned it for a couple years. But... through all these years, I never stopped being a fan - and even though the official show is done, I don't feel like I'm done with ponies in the slightest. No... if anything, the show having ended like it did is one of the primary motives of my overcoming my psychological shame and self-disappointment of my past weakness and coming back to here, to one of my original fandom homes, after having left it abandoned for over two thirds of the fandom's history.
While I know I left this place six and a half years ago after having made some possibly expectation-building public plans and semi-promises that were never fulfilled, I now have a drive bringing me back here with a new, different plan which I hope to see through to the end. This plan is quite simple - I wish to write my own version of the stories of Seasons 8 and 9, episode-for-episode, in form of episode-length fanfics. To be sure, "fix fics" have always had only partial and niche appeal, but... after the kind of swerve off-road and the bumpy ride and car crash it all ended with, I cannot leave a show I care about so very, very much without a better handling than it got officially. And I'm proud enough, I suppose, to think that I, plus my potential co-conspirators I may be picking up along the way, may be able to produce better scripts and plots and ideas and resolutions than what the official material presented us in the end.
Other than that, though, I... am just glad to be back, too. To have finally overcome the psychological barrier that blocked me from returning to this place, even despite it having been broken by most unfortunate circumstances. Now that I'm back here, now that I see this interface and writing window again, that I've glanced at a few fanfics along my way in... I feel a little inspired, and warmer emotionally, and more at home than I've been for years, wandering around DeviantArt and fan discussion areas and my own failed streaming site. I feel like... I could make something of this, again - give this place a second, better go. And now that the official show is done for good, and we don't know whether there'll be anything worthy of note among comics or Generation 5 coming (particularly with the kind of ending we got, one that I can only disavow with great vehemence), it is ourselves we have to rely on for our pony fix for the rest of the foreseeable future.
And so, I am looking forward to sitting back with this site again and diving deep into more ponyfics, as well as writing some of my own. 
Gone for nearly six and a half years - wowzers. You’d said it had been a while, but I had no idea it had been that long.
But as they say, it’s never too late, and though I knew you were coming back here, the fact of it happening still has me quite excited! Looking forward to whatever the future brings for you as a writer, and me as a reader of those things!
5145025
Looks like we managed to send one another comments at almost the same time. Just as I was reading your post, as it so happens, so I saw this after I posted my own over there.
Yeah, back then it was a very different time... yet also a very similar one. I felt like I was back in those days again when I first booted up Fimfic again with this account reclaimed. Of particular note are the smooth and responsive writing boxes - really great to see on a fic site, typing feels effortless and quick and that helps words flow with much greater ease. Also, the way the reading space is set up, and a fairly visually pleasing night mode (I almost exclusively use those nowadays, if able - I adore the original Fimfic cream-beige, it's actually ingrained in my mind as a close association with pony fiction as a whole from all those years ago, but I'm just too used to relaxed eyes by now).
But I was sure different back then. Similar enough, yes - you can see it's clearly an earlier iteration of me writing those old blogposts and my first serious attempt at a fic I have posted here. (How seriously I was taking that fic back then! What a project it was, what work - first time collaborating with an actual, experienced (if amateur) proofreader and editor, first time actively working on something like that day-to-day. Perhaps that is why it dispirited me so when EqD turned it down because I didn't write in accordance with typical American literary markup and was content with how it looked vs. "by the book" emdashes and "correct use of paragraphs".) Still, I think the difference between old me and current me is apparent. Perhaps I was better then, in some ways, but now I'm me but stronger. Angrier, in a constructive way. Now I want to get things done and have a mission on my mind... even though another part of me will now always lament the loss of those more carefree times, when I could simply pony on without having to specify rejection of an ending or the like.
And on that note - I've already said my bit regarding us rebels finding a place to congregate and collaborate over on your journal entry, but I'll add to it here. I'm indeed glad for your excitement, but you won't be just a reader of things I plan to work on next. It is as we spoke of on EqD - I seek your experience to add to mine and to the other rebels' in creating a writing team of sorts, and to build worthy replacements to S8 and S9 episodes together. Your animation background, knowledge and bit of experience will help greatly with designing episode ideas from the actual visual standpoint (though we cannot animate them, we still can describe the scenes and action in words, and that's where you come in most, helping craft those bits believably and well, and in line with how they would generally look in the show in terms of production level and what-have-you!). I definitely hope the idea is still on the table and that you'll join us in this production.
5145078
All good stuff, my friend. I've send you a PM regarding the end of your comment there - be sure to check it out so we can go from there.