I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know what to do anymore...

I'm just... bored. Numb? Maybe. I don't know. I've felt exhausted for no reason for a long time now.

There's just so much stuff I want to do... and I just can't. Either lack of skill, money, time, space... or motivation. I want to draw, make art, I want to film and edit videos and stuff like that, I want to sit down and build models and then paint them, and of course I want to write. I have no privacy anywhere in my house, as all the rooms are open and I share a bedroom. It's absolutely horrible.

But I just can't. I go to sit down to write, and I just... can't. I've tried writing over 30 ideas for new stories or continuations of my ongoing ones and I just... can't. I get the idea, write one or two sentences, rarely more, and as soon as those two sentences are up... I stop. And can't continue. No matter what I do, I can't bring myself to write anymore. The idea is still there, still in my head, but I lack the skill or ability to know how to get that idea manifested in words on a page. And I can't write other things either. My mind is stuck on writing pony and I can do nothing else.

I lack pretty much anything needed to do my other hobbies or interests either.

Editing and filming? I lack the hardware to run the things I need, the space to put the things if I could, the privacy so I can concentrate, and the money to buy the stuff even if I did.

Drawing/art? No time and privacy.

Modeling? No space.

And so, every day, I come home from school, and sit at my rusting and falling apart laptop for hours playing he same video game I've been playing for four years because my computer simply won't run anything else. I do nothing else. I have no friends that aren't somewhere behind a screen themselves.

I'm stuck in this soul-crushing cycle of boring repetitiveness, the same one I've ben stuck in for years, and I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing feels fun, and I don't get satisfaction from the things I do anymore.

I don't even know what I wrote this. I guess I'm just fed up with my circumstances and position and just want some pity and attention for myself.

Sorry.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

Its fine