Apr
1st
2019
Making Edits · 3:32pm Apr 1st, 2019
Now I'm finished with the first story of Mother Moon, Daughter Nightmare. It's time to fix the past chapters before starting the next story.
For all those who following the story I'm interested in hearing of your opinions and creative criticism on how to improve the chapters. One person, I heard from thought the ending was a little weak. I have also been told that Celestia talking with Luna in the Epilogue is a bit weak. So anything else I should focus on improving?
This Wednesday I be focused on chapter 2 and 3. So if there anything input for those two chapters say it now. Thursday I be posting the rewrites.
Atch, I keep mistaking you for Ashfur. You've very similar faces you know?
Anyhoo, yes the ending seemed a bit weak, Celestia didn't react nearly enough to that revelation. True, she shouldn't just suddenly condemn the "demon baby", but I'd think that she'd want to speak to her in person. Perhaps a shared dream? One would think that Luna could open a path to Celestia's dreams once she'd settled Nightmare's well, nightmare.
Other than that, on a more personal level, I'd like to see her have a little bit more agency regarding the state of her own mind, y'know? A little bit more measured acceptance and a bit less chloroform-rag-in-an-alley, yes?
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It was her emotional reaction. When she was being brave and focused her dream self was mature. When fear and doubts got to Nightshade she reverted to a foal.
There a pattern to her loosening her memories as well. It started with the earliest memories of her mother, even thought she remembered Starswirl and the pillars. Later she couldn’t remember past Sombra. The reason is those are primarily Luna’s memories. Events that happen after Sombra she still remembers because the Nightmare Moon persona was manifesting.
Edited to add this. Events that happened after the defeat of Sombra Luna has trouble remembering. Like Mystic Glow sayings she was pregnant with Shadow Striker’s foal.
For Celestia to have a one on one talk in the dreams. That an idea would need its own chapter. I think about it.
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In the spirit of April first
Ashfur Tongue is hanging out. I’m much more dignified. 😝