Finished with reading the story · 5:39am Feb 21st, 2019
Have to read the other story to see if there's anything I want to add for story reasons in semi-canonicity.
Still think my favorite part of blowing up the town of Ironhoof isn't even the scenes of general mayhem. The scene I like the most is something a little different.
When the Diamond Dogs renege on the Storm King treaty.
Mainly because I just wanted to show that after she had played her hoof, Starlight is actually powerless. Diamond Dogs want to renegotiate, but she's only the middlemare in the transaction. Storm King forces led by Tempest weren't there yet and she has a slight breakdown and goes (slightly paraphrasing):
Then the murder starts happening.
Honestly, if I'll ever write that length of chapter again, I'll do what I did for Past Sins and split it up. Two or three chapters for the price of one. Cause rereading that- even though I was trying to take notes fast took forever.
And I read fast but damn that was long. Well paced, hit me decently and the fight scenes still mostly work with the scene of Dash flying around as Fluttershy some of my favorite bits of writing when it comes to movement, but yeah. I'd split that if I redid stuff cause just barely under 17k as a chapter is a bit much.
And I have slightly reread the last chapter and I know how I'll deal with the three way mess of Pinkie, Twilight, and Moondancer cause rereading the text there and its throwing up like a lot of unhealthy stuff relationship wise- and Celestia being terrible at judging reactions- so that's going to be called out in the next few chapters cause I personally know what I was thinking but like four months ago me did it oddly.
lol yes it's huge.. it was epic to read. But that chapter took a lot of reading.
Thats why Griffon at the gate became 3 chapters...
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Yeah after rereading that chapter I agree. Cause it’s grear but I think I know the place it would be cut in half.
Probably why I didn’t add on the chapter before it because most of that happens on the same day as well which makes almost 30k words for one particularly important moment or two. And once stuff really gets bad, I’ll have to start splitting chapters up cause a lot of stuff will start to happen.
Oof.
Also I figured out which races go on which side so that’s always fun. It was fun to figure out how to use the Changleings and Gryphons in particular.
Hopefully the gryphons don’t count as a rip-off when they start appearing.
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Lol did I give you ideas?
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Short answer. Probably.
Well I was going to use the gryphons as Storm King supporters due to, in the story, them still being mad that Celestia destroyed Griffonstone a hundred years ago.
Even though that was in retaliation for the gryphons invading Equestria. (Literally one of the first things Fleur and Fancy Pants talk about before I introduced Starlight in the story was that Fleur's grandmother told her a story about how Celestia burned down the gryphon capital in anger.)
That was written about a year ago or so now.
Though I do have to say that you having Gilda's family rule the gryphons did give me ideas and make me really want to give them a nice little slice of the story. A decidedly larger slice, but yeah.
I guess you gave me a few ideas. Though the family member in control is different and stuff's going to be slightly different, yeah, I guess your story did give me a few ideas that kept coming up.
Totally going to be Gilda's mom though. Everytime I come up with a gryphon villain its the mom.
And I don't want to say that the Gryphons are implicitly supposed to have Germany since I see the Storm King be more that in tone, maybe mix of Germany and Spain in the seventeenth century- surrounded by wealth, but functionally weak with a wish for land yet again somewhere else.as they slowly get out of a succession crisis and general focus. Or in the Germany case, bad times and former glory and perceived unfairness cause a right wing leader to control the reigns of government.
Though then that causes me issues because now I have almost a war with Equestria finding allies in either far flung allies like Zebras and Kirin, and the less "civilized" races of Diamond Dogs, Buffalo, and Deer, for example. While the Storm King's allies are opportunistic like in the gryphons case, outright hostile to Equestria, in the Changeling case, and actively colonialistic/ conquering in the Storm King's case.
Oops. That was unintentional.