It hurts a lot · 2:43pm Oct 2nd, 2018
I almost had to pull over the side of the road when I was driving to school. I ended up crying in the school parking lot.
My heart hurts a lot. All the stress, the burden, and the possibility of failure weighing down on me.
We weren’t suppose to have this life. All I wanted was to have an actual family. A real family. Parents who don’t argue, a sister that cares, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.
I could not have any of that because of people’s greed. Because the rest of my family hates my family so much.
If one of their objectives was to break me, they’ve succeeded. I’ve never been so heartbroken.
We didn’t have the unfortunate circumstance of losing someone. Only my grandfather on my mom’s side before I was born. We had everything people needed to have a happy and supportive family, but greed took over everyone else.
We literally snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
I don’t want to commit suicide. It’s forbidden and it will only hurt my family and friends.
However, I don’t have high hopes of living long.
Sometimes, I wished I was the one who had their heart stop beating during my birth. My mom survived it, but a baby like me would never have survived. It seems preferable.
20 years of living like this has taken a toll on me mentally and physically.
I was told many times things will get better.
I’m not seeing that, and I fear things will get worse.
I really hope things start looking up for you soon.
*hug* if i coud i woud bring you to sweden.
Don't give up
I know things look rough now but I know you can make it man. Suicide is just you giving up on yourself. I know you have the strength in you to push through. Don't let all that pain have been for nothing.
I don't know the circumstances, but I can say from my own experience, that yes - things will get better..... someday. My family split over seven years ago, i didn't see my father and my grandparents on his side since then. And I'm glad that it ended so.
If possible cut ties with people that don't do you good - even if they are family, steel your heart and get stronger with that experience.
It's your life, if you want to end it then it's ultimately your decision - but why end it? Try to improve it.
I'm very sorry to hear about this.
Whoever your friends are, spend time with them.
Find someone to talk this out with who will listen and do so as soon as possible.
That's the best advice I can give you.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Never give up, there are people who care for you.
pull your friends close to you... hold your loved one in your arms.. remember all the good times.. and live on for those that have gone ahead of us..
Life can be great or cruel to us everyday. But there is always someone looking out for you, not just your family but your friends who knows you as a person. Reach out to them.
I'm sorry for what your going through. I can't do much from my end other than offer platitudes and to pray your life improves and you find happiness.
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