Fix curiosity swole the Griffin

Hello everyone who reads this. I just wanted to say I finally saw what everybody didn't like about my recent story it literally took me using the auto read function to see all the mistakes I made. Last night I took the story down use the auto read function went over each mistake I made edited and made and even added in a couple of new lines now I'm really hoping that all of you give my story another chance and enjoy this time.

Thanks to everyone who gave their feedback it really did help whether it was positive or negative I appreciate it

Comments

[Nebbie]

You don't really need to take down if you're going to put it right back up. You can just edit while it's up.

Anyways, it still has problems in the description and title, so I'm rather skeptical of how much you actually improved it; making it sound right when read aloud is one thing, but punctuation actually matters when reading.
I also think that, with a comedic premise, as a general rule you should tell a joke in 1000 words or less; too many words drags things out and can ruin the impact of it. At 2.5k words for such a simple premise, it's quite obvious your story is wordy, and a quick peek at the start of the chapter confirms it (you spent 5 sentences/73 words to establish Gallus hasn't gone out for recess and is thinking back to an earlier event outside an empty classroom). As well, only 73 words to do en media res is...very pointless.

Said quick peek also showed that you don't seem to know how to stay in tense properly, which reads really poorly.