• Member Since 3rd Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Wednesday

HudsonHawk


I'm a brony, Whovian, casual Star Trek fan, and a film geek with a collection of DVDs and Blu-Rays that numbers into the thousands combined. I'm a nerd for all seasons.

More Blog Posts1021

May
29th
2018

I’m sorry for being gone... · 6:34am May 29th, 2018

Just a lot of things have gone on.

Work blows, mainly because the patrons and employees of a casino reward your hard work by not giving two shits. This leads to annoyance which leads to anger which leads to, along with a combination of things, doubt that you’re the nice guy you think you are. Then again, it may just be my utter self hatred talking.

I turned 30 last year, and it’s led to a sort of early mid-life crisis. It made me realize that I’m not a young man anymore, and made me take stock of what I expected I’d do by now. I’ve expected to at least have dated by now, have a girlfriend... but a combination of the aforementioned self-hatred, Asperger’s, and non-existent self confidence have made that impossible.

I think a member of this site and a dear friend, ItIsASillyLittleGame, may have killed himself. He said on Discord that he didn’t care anymore and he wanted to die. That was the night before last. We haven’t heard anything. I feel I could have saved him if I talked to him more... he gave me a medal that made me an Honorary Champion of Australia... I don’t feel like that now...

As much as I like this site, you guys make me feel like I’m some superhero who can do anything, and I know it’s unintentional. I just don’t feel like that superhero, I’m just... me. A dumpy, autistic, balding, white, nerdy, fat fuck who’s just life size, flesh and blood, no larger. So I ran, and I’m not proud of it. I’m sorry.

On top of that, events in the past year and a half in this country and abroad have shaken my faith in humanity to the very core. My cynicism has built significantly, blended with depression, it just makes you break down.

I’m so sorry I haven’t been the hero you need or deserve... I’m just me...

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Comments ( 4 )

Still here for you if you need to talk

you may not be a hero, but you are more than you think you are.

Hey man i dont really use this site but your skype is usually in my recomended catagory if you ever want to talk to a complete stranger who would love to listen i'll message you

I think you're a kind, caring, loving, understanding, passionate, and incredibly good friend to those who need it. THat's the only thing worth being.

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