Post #7 · 2:11am May 19th, 2018
I guess I owe you all an explanation as to where I’ve been. Long story short, I am having difficulty maintaining the ambition to keep this up, and as much as I hate to leave you all hanging, I need to take a step back and re-evaluate things here.
I have a lot going on right now with my life; my wife is attending university again, which has placed more of the household and raising the daughter onto my shoulders for the next few years. Work is busy. I have a house, three vehicles and a property to maintain. And, I have other hobbies, which I also barely have time for.
There have also been unexpected events in the past few months that have caused me stress and loss of time.
I believe it was back in March: there was a lot of snow at the time, and the temperature rose to over 10 degrees Celsius for close to a week, plus it rained the whole time…a lot. This inevitably led to a flooded basement, which is partially finished, meaning wooden laminate flooring got wet, as well as baseboards and drywall…the list goes on. Mold was an obvious concern, and of course, the insurance company tried to get out of covering it, based on what the adjuster said--which is that the water came in through a crack under the side door. (Bullshit)
I personally believe the drains and basement toilet backed up. The entire city was experiencing floods, even our basement window wells outside were full of water, less than a 1/4” below the glass. My hometown (an hour away) had entire parking lots under 5-10 feet of water, right next to the river.
A second adjuster gave a different opinion, and we did eventually get a payout, but we haven’t actually had time to fix anything yet, other than keeping an eye out for visible mold growing in the areas that got wet. Maybe we would have time to work on it if the roof hadn’t blown partway off.
Yes, around a week after the last chapter was posted, there was quite a vicious windstorm that swept Ontario --and some areas in the USA, though I don’t know how far-- and of course, my roof ended up looking like this: 
Now, this same thing has happened before; these shingles are about 9 years old, and a small chunk flew off in a fairly rough storm that happened almost exactly a year ago. The damage was small enough that I just bought a $40 pack of ‘close enough to match’ shingles and filled the area in. And I nailed the shit out of them so they’d stay put!
Well, they didn’t. This recent storm was so strong, it ripped off about five times that area, and for the cherry on top, a huge chunk of them hit my neighbour’s brand new GMC Acadia, scratching the ever-loving shit out of it from the roof, all the way down the quarter panel to the bumper, and even scratched the shit out of the tail light as well.
Wonderful.
Oh, and the best part? The guy two doors down had a section of his shingles peel up last year as well, the same time as mine--they didn’t come right off, just flipped up-- but when I was up on my roof two weeks ago, laying down a couple of tarps, I looked over at his roof and saw THIS:
Rocks. He put rocks on his fucking roof to hold the shingles down. I fixed mine properly, and lost half of my roof. He put rocks up there…and they STAYED.
Really, planet Earth? Really? You’re hilarious. Go fuck yourself.
Anyway, since this has happened two years in a row now, and since shingles don’t last worth a damn anymore, we decided to have a steel roof put on. They did it today, in fact. $8700, all in. Not bad, but it’s still a big chunk of money to lay down when you’re not expecting it. (Actually, they have to come back to finish the eaves; we decided to have them replaced too, cuz the old ones were shit, so the final bill will actually be just under $10,000.)
And then there were my other side projects that took forever to finish because they kept getting sidelined: like those fancy wheels I bought for the truck. They’re done and installed now, but it took months to finish. And there are some personal things going on as well, which I do not wish to share here.
In the midst of all this, there’s this story I’m trying to write, for no reason other than the sake of doing it. It takes a lot of time to produce something like this; if I saw an actual count of how many hours I’ve spent on this story, I would probably fall out of my chair and void my bowels.
I did do some quick math though, based on estimated average time spent per day since the date I started, and I came up with a conservative estimate of about 1500 hours. And that doesn’t include planning and thinking up the ideas, many of which I came up with at work--or in bed, when I was supposed to be going to sleep. Nor does it include the research I’ve had to do; learning about the CIA building, the Canadian Lynx, graphene, how long it takes to walk across the Sonoran desert, or to drive from point A to point B in North America, how to navigate using the north star, which rifles are issued to Canadian forces, what the police would do in the case of someone killing school shooters, etc etc etc. The list goes on.
You all need to remember, I am not a writer. I’m used to working with my hands, not words (or even my brain, really). I don’t know what the fuck I’m even doing here--not that I regret being here; many of you have been great to converse with. In the beginning, however, I had no idea what I was doing, and I was naive. I thought I would just write this thing and be done in 3 - 4 months and that would be it. Best story ever. Easy.
Obviously not.
Here I am now, a year and a half later, and there is still a lot left to write, let alone editing and publishing…not to mention all the early chapters I want to go back and fix, which is obviously a long way off since I’ll probably wait to do that until the story is finished.
IF it ever gets finished. Based on my current writing speed and how much is left to write, I figure it’s going to take another year to finish a first draft. (this is based on my current production rate of a chapter a week)
I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna do it. Quite honestly, I’m tired of doing it, and I was thinking about taking a break --a real break, not like last fall where I just stopped publishing and kept writing the whole time-- but I’m worried that if I walk away from this, I’ll lose interest and never come back to it.
It’s been like this for months now. I can’t decide if I should keep going or give up. Writing has been like pulling teeth lately. I don’t want to quit because I don’t want to let everyone down, but I also don’t know how I can keep going like this. Whenever I try to sit down with the laptop to see if I can puke out some horse words, not much happens other than staring at the screen. It’s just dead in the water, and I don’t know what to do.
And yeah, I do have about 20 unpublished chapters sitting here, but they need editing. Many of them are just first drafts. I’m gonna pick away at them, and when they’re ready, I’ll probably publish them in chunks, rather than single chapters. We’ll see how that works. To be honest, writing while publishing one chapter at a time creates a lot of work and stress, and if any of them don’t go over as well as I hope, or if I get a negative comment/dislike, I lose motivation that much more. It makes it hard to move forward.
Like I say, I don’t know what to do. After all, this story is stuck in my head, and it wants out. It’s physically putting it into words that is the problem. If I do continue on with this, going forward, I can no longer promise any timeline. But for now, unfortunately, I have to step away for a bit.
Lastly, I’m really sorry to do this. I never wanted to let you all down, but clearly, I’ve bit off more than I can chew, and that was my own fault. I just didn’t know any better; hindsight is 20/20. But even if it ended here, I would have nothing to say but thanks to all of you: you people have been awesome for reading this clusterfuck of a story, and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, like, fave, and follow…all that good stuff.
Anyway, I’ll see you all in a bit when I get some stuff edited. In the meantime, take her easy and have fun.
EBL
So wait are you quitting or not?
You need to have your heart into your writing, if not then your not going to be happy with it. Take all the time you need to deal with life, anyone the faults you for that isn't worth listening to. Sounds like you've had a few curve balls thrown your way, hopefully your luck will get better.
You're fine, mate. Get your IRL shit done first and worry about us later. And if you ever need help editing, feel free to ask. Long as I've got free time, I'd be glad to help
Okay, first off, you do you, life comes first
And secondly, please tell me you re-did those shingles, as someone who had to repair their roof recently, that looks like you started from the top then down, when it should've been bottom to top overlay. That's just gonna catch water than let it slide off...
Do what you gotta do, if you have any idea to give in the story, we’re just here waiting.
A story is something an author does for their own enjoyment, not to satisfy some arbitary target imposed by outsiders, if its to be a story they enjoy.
Its been a good ride.
Take it easy.
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) before too long and we can start having some fun again. At the very least, you'll eventually get the unpublished stuff; those 20 chapters represent months of work, and I'd rather not let them go to waste.
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Thanks for the support, everyone. As mentioned by some of you, it's hard to write decently when the author's not into it. I have to want to do it, otherwise the words come out very mechanical and uninteresting, and it loses all of its flair. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on the horse (
Heidao, those shingles were put on by the previous owners (I've been in this house since 2012) and those people were friggin terrible at home renos. We found ALL KINDS of goofy shit in this house after we moved in. As first time home buyers, we certainly learned a lot about how and what to look for.
Anyway, last year, the shingles blew off from the cap about 6 rows down. I removed all the ripped/partial pieces and started at the lowest row and worked my way up, then I carefully peeled the cap up so I could put the top row underneath. (you can see part of my patch in the first picture, at the far end of the bare spot--the shingles have a slightly grayer colour to them) I don't know much about roofing, but it seemed to make sense to do it that way and I never noticed any water coming in, but I knew eventually we'd have to look into replacing the whole thing. It's a shame, really, those shingles weren't in bad shape, but the nails they used were pretty short and pretty sparsely distributed. If those guys hadn't cheaped-out, it would have lasted at least a few more years.
It's doesn't matter now though. Right now, there is already a brand new steel roof up there, with a 55 year warranty that covers everything, even the paint. I shouldn't have to worry about roofing for a while at least, aside from the big, fat cheque I'm gonna have to write on Tuesday...
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I know that it's hard but all you can do is make the most of it as for us we will support you through this just take it one step at a time
I dont expect you to remember me at all, so dont worry if you dont. I'd just like to start with that. Anyway i would like you to know that i admired, enjoyed and laughed from this story and i want you to know that you are an amazing writer.
For the past few months I've been down with depression and anxieties but this story kept me away from those. Its something that kept me entertain, forget problems and laugh at some goofy moments.
The story is already in ch.94 and still going. (Maybe..)
but its been a long journey. If you think that you need a break from writing i think you deserved it. You wrote stories for a hobby and that hobby made people happy or even changed their life for the better.
If your ever felt writing again published or unpublished, Whatever --- It made a difference in my life, always remember that there is a lot of fans waiting for your return.
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Of course I remember you, even after changing your name!
Hearing feedback like yours has always been a good motivator for me, and I am glad that my work has had a positive effect on your life.
Writing, though, like anything else, if done too much reaches a point where you can no longer see the forest for the trees, and you have to take a moment to let dust settle so you can sort things out and get a clearer picture of everything...whether you want to or not.
I really do want to finish this thing, and hopefully my mojo will come back and let me do that while this fandom/franchise is still relevant.
Thanks very much for reading and sticking with me during these rough patches!
Oh shit i remember that windstorm that was hell down here in Idaho but damn sorry about all that dude. i can understand needing to take a break but i hope that one day the story continues, love this story and character hope everything goes well for you dude.
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Thanks, I appreciate it!
Question: I saw your comment on the story a few days ago, saying you were re-reading it. How was it the second time through?
Often times, I built hints and clues into the story as to what was coming up next, (especially early on) but I didn’t know how well they would work. I’ve always been curious about it, and now that people have started reading it a second time, I thought I’d ask.
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Oh yeah now that i know what to look for it is rather obvious and i really like it