My Bloody Valentine (1981) · 1:36am Feb 15th, 2018
You know one time I was in Washington DC when I was a kid and we went to the air and space museum there. I was amazed at how much stuff was in there. Personally I just thought it would be a big empty building. But no, they had a bunch of stuff in there. It was really amazing just how far we've come as humans when it comes to flight.
So if we can do that why is it that Applejack is "So hard to write for?" I mean seriously what is she demanding better scripts now? Is she drinking all of the coffee in the morning? Trust me she can have it. It's been sitting out since Friday.
Applejack is a farmer, a straight shooter, honest and so on. She takes things head on and is a go-getter with a competitive streak who is smart enough to figure most problems out by using common sense and some investigative techniques. You know what she should be? A sheriff or a marshal.
I mean think about it, she could solve mysteries like Walt Longmire or stop criminals like Raylan Givens did in Justified. Obviously it would have to be toned down but it could be an interesting turn for the character. Plus, she can still lend a hoof on the farm and buck apples until Big Macintosh has a few fritters of his own that are old enough to help. In fact I have a case that she could probably figure out all on her own, though she may want to avoid the mine on February 14th.
My Bloody Valentine is the tale of what happens when a bunch of Canadian miners from Valentine Bluffs try to have fun with their girls on the titular holiday. They wind up on the wrong side of a pickaxe, that's what happens. Apparently the killer there doesn't like for twenty-somethings to have a good time either.
You know, that's the problem with these killers, they're real sticks in the mud. It's like if you're having a good time somewhere they'll take it away from you. I can't go to the woods, club, mall, dance, lake, beach, boat, penthouse or anything in between. The last place I would have thought I'd have to deal with some weirdo in a mask with a bad past is a freaking mine. Place smells like farts anyway.
My Bloody Valentine is very much a hybrid film of Halloween and Friday the 13th. You have everything from the old "You're all doomed if you do it," man to the specific day , past trauma making someone nutzo, and a slew of decent looking people who behave exactly as you'd expect them to behave.
I will say that this movie is better than a lot of the slasher films that came out at the time or since. The acting isn't absurdly terrible and enough of the characters are believable enough of the time to make you want to kind of drink beer with them and shoot the breeze. The motivations of the killer are reasonable (as far as crazy goes) and the authorities aren't completely idiotic (they're just stuck dealing with the Canadian bureaucracy). Heck even the pacing is solid enough and it never really feels like the movie is dragging. It holds up pretty well for what it was.
15 Dead Bodies, 0 Breasts (Though we do get close), Multiple Pickaxe stabbings, 1 hanging, 1 impalement by shower spigot,1 double drill stabbing,
Nail to the head, arm chopping, fist fu, slap fu, eye fu, heart fu, poetry fu gratuitous Valentine decorations, gratuitous grab ass in the shower scene.
Shout outs
Keith Knight as Hollis one of the miners whose mustache and general appearance makes him kind of look like Monterey Jack from the Rescue Rangers.
Patricia Hamilton as Mabel for reading the poem "Roses are red, violets are blue one is dead and so are you."
Jack Van Evera as Happy the guy who warns the 20 somethings not to have their party or that Harry Warden will get them. Then tries to play a prank on the kids.
John McDermott for singing the song The Ballad of Harry Warden.
Man it's been a while since the last movie review. Glad to see a slavering, pickaxe-wielding nutso hasn't gotten to you; we need more of these.
I haven't watched any B-movies in a long time but I've still got the bug for em. Right now I'm catching up on Star Trek Enterprise, which I missed when it was new, and which turns out to be a pretty big nostalgia bomb. It's not quite the same as the other Treks but it's reminiscent of all of them in its own way. I also find myself missing the prime-universe a lot after like a decade of the new movie 'verse.
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Well it was about time I started again! I actually watched a few of those netflix originals and I would have been hard pressed to stretch my opinion from meh or nope. I will have to go back to my slate and see what else I can put out!
I remember liking Enterprise a lot more than most people did. Personally I think they should make another series but, I'd almost fear what today's Hollywood writer would come up with. I'm not saying past series didn't come up with either dumb or just episodes that were crammed full of whatever their personal opinion on something was at the time. I'm just saying most times now it feels like they are much less artful about it. Also apparently Tarantino is doing a Star Trek film (if the rumor is true) I wonder how many times he works in his favorite two words into that script.
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That's the crazy thing, there's that new Trek series running now on whatever company's paid subscription thing that nobody's got. Granted, I don't hear much about anything anymore anyway; but I haven't heard a peep about that thing.