Author's Commentary: Reaction Chapter 10

Well. The big chapter 10. It's big because it's two digits.

I don't have much to say here. I got distracted by other things. I had planned to get this out yesterday, and then get Chapter 11 out tomorrow. I may still get Chapter 11 out tomorrow. I'm not sure. It's tomorrow already...

Warning, this Author's Commentary ("Commentary") will contain spoilers for Reaction Chapter 10. If you have not read Chapter 10 in Reaction, I advise you to turn away now and come back later. This Commentary may also contain information which has been said before in prior Commentaries, Author's Notes at the end of chapters, or in comments I have made. Be warned, it could also contain spoilers for Critical Mass and future stories in this series.

You have been warned.

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I find myself thinking or wondering if the amount of cuddles in this story makes it repetitive. Too much of a good thing can be bad, and having too much of something can ruin it because it loses its specialness and can burn you out on it. Only now do I question this... It's still sweet, of course, or at least I think so.

Twilight smiled, even if Rainbow's actions were unconscious, it melted her heart knowing that the pegasus was so protective of her.

"I'll take writing fanfictions about a stalker for 500." Now, in all seriousness, that could be funny, writing a story where Rainbow stalks Twilight. If it's done the right way. If it's not done the right way it'll be creepy (which shouldn't be surprising considering that stalking is creepy). It's also somewhat foreshadowing, I suppose. Considering this with the context of Critical Mass. But you know, Twilight's also a bit protective of Rainbow, too... but that's only shown in the penultimate chapter of Critical Mass. Maybe other places if I'm forgetting.

'I wish I was always this relaxed...'She sighed unhappily at the thought. Waking up was the least stressful part of her day.

Said no human ever. I'm not much of a morning person myself. But that's probably because I stay up way too late.

After they both woke up, she always found her stress rising throughout the day, sometimes subtly, and sometimes in noticeable leaps and bounds.

Slowly rising subtly... I was going to make a comparison about what would classify as that versus what would be "leaps and bounds." Subtle stress increase would be "misplacing the quill" or "running out of ink" while "leaps and bounds" would be "Parasprites just ate Ponyville," or "Princess Celestia just showed up unannounced" or "unplanned speech."

She loved the pegasus to no end, but she was scared to death at the prospect of losing her.

I wonder if this will be important or foreshadowing anything?

Despite Rainbow's assurances that she'd never leave Twilight, Twilight feared that she would mess up and ruin everything to no end.

Now, honestly. This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Twilight worrying about messing up with Rainbow causes Rainbow to get annoyed and leave her, thus fulfilling her fears, but only because she was afraid in the first place. That's not going to happen, but you get the idea.

Maybe one day Twilight will raise the sun again in this series. I find myself wondering if my subconscious is somehow directing me to write the story in this direction. Of course, first Twilight's horn has to come back... but we all probably know by now that will happen. But now I ask, does that cheapen this story or series? Twilight loses her horn, and she struggles to overcome that loss. If she gets her horn back, does that make all of this meaningless? Or does the story still have value because of Twilight's struggles? This can also be viewed similar to the battle between "The ends justify the means" and "it's the journey (means) that matter, rather than the end." Getting a bit philosophical here, but in reality, if you know how something ends, then why do you care enough to read it or watch it or partake of it? Thus it stands to reason, logically, that the journey is what matters.

She had crushes in the past, but they didn't draw her like as Rainbow did. As much as she wanted Rainbow to be hers, she wanted to be Rainbow's even more. She felt selfish, and she wanted to make it up to the pegasus any way she could.

Well, where to start with this... For one, when I reread this, I am quite curious about the idea of Twilight having had crushes in the past. Honestly, I find that hard to picture now. So maybe then the best explanation is that she did have crushes... two of them, just enough to make it plural. If books counted, then it'd be a lot more than two... maybe. Then again, when we've seen Twilight as a filly, she was a bit... something. I'm talking about Amending Fences, of course. And now the second part of that... in a way that can be a bit creepy. It's not intended to be creepy, but rereading it made me shiver a bit. A fairly heavy theme which may be subtle or quite evident in this series is that Twilight wants to be Rainbow's, so to say. I can't think of a better way to word it. Twilight giving Rainbow her regalia is symbolic of this.

Well, I was going to say something else there, but as soon as I wrote that last sentence I completely forgot what it was. It was something fairly important to add on, too. My train of thought involved Twilight's vulnerability and Critical Mass. Wait, now I remember sort of.

Twilight is really drawn to Rainbow in this series. In a way, it's sort of like Twilight's imprinted on Rainbow. There isn't anypony else for Twilight except for Rainbow in this series. I suppose in a way that's partially because of the Author forcing it to be this way, but it also sort of makes sense in-universe. It's not an alicorn thing. If it was, it'd be a chapter in Alicorn Nature... Although I can see that being an alicorn thing. Twilight's unique in this regard in this series/universe. Cadance and Shining Armor don't have the same relationship. Luna's... never been in a relationship. Celestia... it's not been said yet and I've not thought much about it yet.

Wait, right. I remember why it makes sense in-universe now. Alicorns are very emotional. It's also something of a headcanon of mine. It can help explain some things. Notably, Luna's descent into Nightmare Moon- alicorns are emotional, so they can be unstable. Why Celestia is so forgiving, she's caring because she's an alicorn, and alicorns have strong emotions. Especially maternal instincts. This sort of shows up a little later... in this chapter of next. Twilight licking Rainbow.

She sighed then pulled away from Rainbow and laid on her back beside the pegasus. Several seconds passed, then she grew bored and rolled over onto her side and wrapped her limbs around Rainbow and pulled her into her body. Rainbow, in her sleep, rolled over and faced away from Twilight. Twilight smiled at the opportunity and slid her hooves over Rainbow's hooves and held them tightly to her chest, mimicking how Rainbow had been holding her. The way Rainbow's back curved and conformed to her body made her fit perfectly against her, much like if their positions were reversed. Rainbow sighed contently, widening Twilight's smile.'Is this what it feels like to you?'she wondered, pondering what it felt like to hold Rainbow.

I look forward and smile when I think of the time when Twilight will grow so much that their roles reverse and Twilight's the one holding Rainbow. Is that what spooning is? I have some idea of what it is but it's also not well explained to me.

Okay so, one other thing to comment in here, which I may have commented before, is about how when I planned Critical Mass, I had sort of went at it from "Reaction was Twilight's story, so Critical Mass is Rainbow's story, or Rainbow's side of the story." And so it's kind of funny how Critical Mass has like 20% of the views Reaction does. I laugh so much I cry, except the crying isn't from the laughter, but from the soul-crushing pain from how poorly Critical Mass did. My greatest regret for this series is how I handled Meltdown. Starting this with a one-shot was probably my biggest mistake.

Twilight closed her eyes and pressed her muzzle into Rainbow's mane. She inhaled deeply and paused.'Lavender...'She exhaled then inhaled again, confirming that Rainbow smelt like lavender. She wasn't sure what to think of it. On one hoof, she liked it. Rainbow smelt like her. On the other hoof, Rainbow didn't smell like she normally did. She missed it. She sighed into Rainbow's mane and pushed the thought aside, deciding to be happy rather than spend too much time thinking about it.

I feel like this is another one of those minor details which adds a lot to the story. Th logical extension of this will be that in the future, Rainbow ends up always smelling like Twilight, and Twilight maybe ends up smelling a little like Rainbow. And for some reason, having written that sentence and then reading it feels incredibly awkward and weird.

She opened her eyes and her gaze fell on Rainbow's ear. She watched it for several seconds, then she slowly leaned in and sniffed it. Rainbow's ear twitched slightly from her action. She mulled over the familiar scent of lavender for a few seconds, then opened her mouth and ran her tongue over her ear. Rainbow shifted her weight and her ear twitched again. She closed her mouth and mulled over the taste for several seconds. Eventually, she ran her tongue over Rainbow's ear again, once more causing the pegasus' ear to twitch. Twilight watched Rainbow with baited breath, making sure she wasn't about to wake up, then she ran her tongue over her ear again. It twitched again, but not as much as it had both times before. Rainbow shifted her weight again and mumbled something as Twilight continued licking her ear.

Ah yes, the licking part. See, I'm not crazy, I knew it was in here somewhere. First, I don't get the whole chewing on the ear thing being... whatever. It's not been explained to me. I've seen it in fanfics and fanart, but aside from that, I have no idea what's behind it. Is that a thing horses/ponies do in real life? Or is it just meant to be cute? (If you can answer this, please tell me.)

Her fur was slicked back by her actions, and she smiled happily, knowing that she left her mark on Rainbow.

Silly Twilight, you didn't mark her. That will dry, if you really want to mark her use magic to put your cutie mark on her or give her an earring or use your magic to mark her somehow else or something. There's also a few more creative ways I can think of, but let's not talk about that.

As seconds passed, her smile faded to dread when she thought about Rainbow finding out what she did.

"Good morning Rainbow Dash! I licked your ear while you were sleeping. That's not creepy, right?"

Rainbow frowned in her sleep. Not only was her chest cold, but her back was too. She missed the warmth that she had grown accustomed to. She rolled over and searched for the warmth, only to find nothing. Her friend was missing. She didn't like it. Not only was Twilight's warmth gone, but her comfortable body was missing too.

None of us will ever get to enjoy using Twilight as a pillow or a blanket... unless you have a Twilight pillow or a Twilight blanket... That's not anywhere near close to being the same, though. I should include something like that in one of the stories in this series...

She lifted her hoof to the doorknob and pressed against it.

I don't know if I will ever not think "dork nob" when I see "doorknob." Seriously... And I don't know why that is.

Rainbow's look of hurt faded and she looked at Twilight blankly. She blinked, and several seconds passed. "Uh... yeah?" she said with an uncertain voice. "I did," she added. "I... I like waking up next to you. It's nice," she said with more conviction.

I can just picture Rainbow looking sad, and then her being asked a question and the look of sadness just disappearing to be replaced with a look of dawning horror. It amuses me. But also, this is nice and pleasant. We're finally starting to move on from unrequited love. I wouldn't mind writing an unrequited love story where it has an unhappy ending. Or perhaps bittersweet. For some reason, I seem to be drawn to the tragic and sad genres. My favorite genres that I've read (and most of what I do read [at least in terms of fanfiction]) are dark, sad, romance. Tragedy isn't quite on that list, I suppose. My favorite genre to write? Well, it used to be dark. Now I think that's not. I like writing slice of life, I like writing fluff/cuteness/romance, and I kind of like writing adventure. Oh, and I guess I write comedy too. For some reason I completely forgot that I've written comedy. I enjoy that too. Maybe I should diversify. What're some things I haven't touched? Well, only one tag really stands out. And most of the trigger warning tags which were recently added.

Twilight sat down on her haunches, smiling fondly at Rainbow. "I never thought I would hear you say that... You don't know how much that means to me, Rainbow," she said in a soft, sweet voice.

For some reason, this immediately made me picture a scene of both of them waking up in the morning several decades down the road and Twilight just being happy and or content about it.

Several seconds passed, both of them relaxing and staring out the window. "When do Princess Celestia and Princess Luna eat breakfast?" Rainbow asked.

Twilight frowned and pulled away from Rainbow, glancing at the clock. "In about an hour," she said. "Why?"

"Do you want to try to meet them for breakfast?" Rainbow asked.

"It might be nice," Twilight said, smiling at the prospect of spending more time with Celestia and Luna. "Although, this is pretty nice too..."

"Well..." Rainbow trailed off, deep in thought. Twilight rolled over and faced her. For a few seconds, Twilight met Rainbow's gaze, then she glanced down at the pegasus' chest and slowly brought her hooves up against it. "We can stay here until you get warmed up, then I can go take a shower. After that, I can brush your mane and then we could go to breakfast with the princesses? How does that sound?"

Twilight smiled and looked up at Rainbow. "That sounds nice."

This whole scene is great. There's actually more paragraphs that I would have quoted, but I didn't want to add that much length to this. Either in the upcoming story for this series or the one after that, there's going to be one particular point which I don't particularly want to address but I sort of have to because of the plot. If/when I get around to a commentary of that story, and the chapter in that story which would have that... Well, that'll be a long, long commentary...

Normally, if there were dignitaries from another country there, or important ponies there for a formal meeting, they had specific places where they sat. Neither of them liked that very much. However, both of them tolerated it. Celestia tolerated it better than her sister, but the Princess of the Night was no stranger to politics, although she was often more direct.

"...although she was often more direct." Enough said. I don't have much practice with writing Luna, and I only now stop to think about that and realize it. I suppose my Twiluna stories give me some experience with it, but still. I don't know if I do a very good job at writing her. I try, of course. I still really want to explore, flush out, and or develop her relationship with Rainbow. I'd really like to have Twilight, Celestia, Rainbow, and Luna all have an interesting dynamic or relationship in this series. They're all going to be friends, close, and confidants.

Maybe this is somehow related to that, but a while back I wanted to try to figure out how I could write a Lunadash story. I've never read any of that, I don't think I've found any of that ship either. I'm sure it exists (this is fanfiction we're talking about), but I haven't seen any. So I have absolutely no idea where to start. But the art on Derpibooru (if I'm remembering correctly) is kinda nice. Also, Rainbowlestia. And Lunashy. Why do I want to write these ships which seem uncommon? I'm not sure, but I think they could be cute. Really cute, if done correctly, of course. Perhaps I want to differentiate myself and get into other shippings to expand my reach and appeal. Or maybe I just want more practice. But it's probably because I can't help but think those ships would be cute.

She did not always eat the same thing, but she had a habit of telling them what she wanted in the morning before retiring to her bedchambers, which, unfortunately, occasionally meant she changed her mind during the night. On those days, she felt sorry for the ponies serving them.

A minor regret with this is the possible implication that she is unhappy and takes it out on the ponies. That's not what is supposed to be conveyed here, and I think I butchered that. Canonically, what's happening is that the chefs and servers are upset that they've failed to do a good job for Luna. So they kind of beat themselves up over it. Plus it may make it a bit awkward for the ponies serving them... I imagine it'd be awkward to bring royalty a meal and then they ask you to take it back and bring something different. It would put you on the spot, I think.

Luna rolled her eyes at her sister. "Says the pony who eats a bowl of oatmeal with strawberries every morning on weekdays," she said dryly.

"I do not always have oatmeal. You know that, Luna. I simply enjoy the taste," Celestia replied before closing her eyes and levitating her teacup to her lips. She let the tea roll around in her mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. "Did they sleep alright?" she asked.

Sisterly love, everypony. I don't like oatmeal... I mean it's okay but the texture is what bothers me. This is also a bit of a joke- Celestia's a few thousand years old, and on top of this, she's a horse/pony, and they eat oats... right? It's terrible, I know...

"The date?" Celestia inquired.

Luna grimaced and bobbed her head. "I do not know how it went, you would have to ask one of them..." She trailed off, silence filled the air for a few seconds before she spoke again. "I am still worried about her. I believe she still doubts herself."

Luna sometimes respects their privacy, other times she doesn't. That's something kind of strange about this series. Luna's role there... I feel like I've really struggled with Luna and Celestia in this series. But mostly Luna.

Hmm. You know, I think in this series the events of the MLP Movie can't come to pass. For a couple reasons. One, it takes place before the movie. Which is the main thing. The movie isn't going to play any role in this series. At least as of right now. How would Tempest act, though? If she met Twilight? Twilight lost her horn, how would Tempest then interact with her? And what about if it was after Twilight's horn will have regrown?

"Perhaps she needs a vacation away from Equestria?" Celestia mused aloud. She thought about it for a few seconds and found herself smiling. "I'm sure Princess Cadance would be more than happy to have them stay in the Crystal Empire..."

"Oh yeah..." I said outloud. I remember this part now. I forgot about it. The irony is that this is basically what I'm mulling over for the sequel for Critical Mass. Basically my predicament is that it's going to be a short story. Only a couple of chapters. From what I'm picturing, probably 45k words long. Which you know, isn't really a short story, but still. Compared to what I'm used to, it is. I don't really end up writing stories that long. All of my stories turn into 150k word long stories... unless they're one-shots. Anyway, I'm still considering that story's plot. I have a halfway decent idea about it. I want Twilight and Rainbow to go to the Crystal Empire, along with Celestia and Luna, for a celebration or a holiday, that way Twilight and Rainbow can have a break after Critical Mass and just relax away from Equestria. Plus it would give an opportunity for them to talk to Cadance. Additional stuff I'm considering is Rainbow's dad showing up, and Twilight's parents going too. The story is planned, as of right now, to start with Twilight's side having healed but her wing still gone, but I'm sort of planning for her wing to grow back in this story. Her horn won't yet, but it will soon. Another major thing I'm considering is starting setup for the next major plot (instead of starting it in the next major story), and discussing that one topic I'm dreading. That major plot and the thing I'm dreading kind of go hand in hand. And now, guess what? I just had the idea of the next major story also having the Storm King's invasion in it. It kind of works so that could be a possible way to porgress the story. And that makes me groan. I'm not sure how that story will go. The plot would require a lot of time to pass in universe for it to develop, as would another plot I've got planned, so I'd need to have another major plot going on at the same time. And the major idea which I've planned for requires even longer than this one.

Do you see my struggle with the upcoming stories in this series? I have plans but I still need to figure out how to execute them. I don't have as much time to devote to fantasizing thinking about them as I would like because of college and everything else I'm doing.

Man I wrote all of that nonstop and... it's just weird. I sort of feel like I'm not really here because of how my fingers just fly over the keyboard to type all of this out. I'm pretty fast at typing. I use at least three fingers on my left hand and I sort of hover it over the keyboard and then I chicken peck with my right hand, using my index finger. I find it interesting and weird because I'm a gamer.

Luna bobbed her head. "Cadance is the Princess of Love... I do not believe Twilight would be comfortable being around Cadance and Rainbow in private... if Cadance found out that they're together... I imagine Twilight would be very stressed out by it."

After Critical Mass, it won't be quite so bad. Now another major thing I'm thinking about is Twilight and Rainbow going public with their relationship or whatever. And no, I'm not going to do any sort of major comparisons to the real world with it. None of that. Artificial drama which has no place in this series. And the way I've written this story, it'd be more natural for the ponies to give them space and not constantly fawn over them for that. Respecting their privacy. And this also plays into the upcoming story ideas... I would love to go into more detail, but spoilers...

I'm really dying to continue this story. And it's funny in a morbid way because we're all dying as time progresses, so by procrastinating on this story I literally am dying.

"I almost think all of her problems would go away if she would stop worrying, but knowing Twilight, that's impossible."

I said it in the last commentary. I think it was the last commentary. This is completely accurate.

"Yes indeed. We do not see you enough, Twilight. It will be good to have breakfast with you, even if it is only a few minutes," Luna said.

Twilight smiled, then grimaced. "We... really don't see each other that much, do we?"

"Unfortunately, it comes with the job. We are all very busy, but perhaps we should make more time to see each other, family is important, after all," Luna commented.

Just a reminder that Twilight is a part of the Royal Family, so they are family...

Twilight bobbed her head uneasily. "I... I'm never going to completely recover, though..." she said softly.

Foreshadowing. This has been foreshadowing since... Chapter 1, I think. I can't wait to write the reveal. I will be quite pleased when I do. And then nobody will comment on it because they say it coming months away and I'll be so disappointed...

"Then we will bear your responsibilities for you, Twilight," Luna said, smiling at the young alicorn. Twilight tentatively looked at her, a slight perplexion filling her gaze. "Both of us owe you a lot Twilight, doing this is the least we can do for you, to say nothing of the fact that you are a member of the Royal Family."

Once again, Twilight has a special relationship with both Celestia and Luna... or have I not said that before? She already has one, but I want to further develop it...

You'd think that after that interaction between Twilight and Rainbow, she'd have a realization that she needs to relax. But this story has a bit of realism in it in that since it's so deeply ingrained in her, she's not just going to immediately recover from it. On a related note, in a less realistic story, Twilight would immediately be fine after Rainbow'd say "I love you" to her. That sort of gets addressed in this story. In one of the chapters, there's narration about Rainbow would say anything to fix Twilight, but there wasn't any magical words she could say to just make it okay. This is sort of a jab at how unrealistic a lot of romance things are... Did I mention that I hate Disney? Now while that would help Twilight some, it wouldn't fix her. It's her struggle. Just look at Twilight from the show. When she started, she could get really worked up and worried over things. And now, seven years later, she still can, but it's not quite as bad. I miss Twilight's freakouts...

A few more seconds passed. She groaned internally and fought the dissent away. She ran her wing along Twilight's side and leaned over towards Twilight, pressing the side of her muzzle against Twilight's muzzle ever so slightly. For several seconds, they both stayed like that, both of their minds wandering. Twilight immediately enjoyed the feeling, and Rainbow found herself growing to enjoy it, even if Celestia and Luna were in the room with them. Both of them were, for the most part, ignoring them and focusing on eating, but Celestia had finished her oatmeal, and Luna was nearly done with her pancakes.

I think this is really cute. They're just sort of laying their heads together. I really have a soft spot for Twidash, especially lighthearted Twidash. It's one of my greatest weaknesses. It wasn't always that way... But now after reading that, I'm also wondering what it was like for Celestia and Luna when Cadance and Shining Armor were dating. I wonder if they were more playful (read "I wonder if Cadance was more playful." I doubt Shining Armor would have been that playful...) when dating that Twilight and Rainbow are. Twilight and Rainbow really aren't that playful in this series... that's kind of a shame, but I also kind of like it. There's... just something unique or special about that...

Rainbow blinked and looked away from her, a familiar question coming back to the forefront of her mind.'Do I love her?'

She found the answer last night. That answer was no. Rainbow didn't like that answer.

This is very important to this story and series. It's also pretty important to Critical Mass.

I'm also pretty sure there's a change over time in this story from "Rainbow doesn't like seeing Twilight hurting or in pain" to "Rainbow hates seeing Twilight hurting or in pain." I didn't actively plan that, or if I did, I've forgotten about it. So, if that transition actually exists, it was natural insomuch as I didn't plan it out from the beginning, or my subconscious directed that.

They turned down a street to the right. The street was flanked by moderately sized houses on both sides. Despite the houses only being moderately sized, the architecture told a tale of wealth, having the same Canterlot style design as most structures that dominated the city's skyline. The marble walls were inlaid with gold and set with pristine, clear crystal windows. Twilight was sure that some ponies could have been overwhelmed by Canterlot architecture if they had never been there before. Looking down the street, they could see it ended with a large, open plaza in the shape of a circle, surrounded by buildings that curved with the plaza. In the middle of the plaza, there was a short stone wall surrounding a bed of dirt with a large oak tree growing up from it. Large was a relative term since the tree looked to be somewhere between fifteen and thirty years old, and her former home in Ponyville had been a tree that put that one to shame a dozen times over.
This is probably my favorite place that I've ever written for some reason. I really like it, it's probably because I associate it with summer and how the scene with that spot is described. It's peaceful and just... perfect. I love it, I wish it existed. I kind of struggled with how to describe it. The "short stone wall" is basically sort of based off of parking lots where there's the concrete areas with landscaping. I have no idea how to describe that. But it's also not quite that. Additionally, I've given thought to Twilight buying this area and keeping it maintained as sort of aspecial palce for her and Rainbow.

She took a deep breath, letting the invigorating mountain air fill her lungs. She closed her eyes and held the breath in for several seconds before exhaling.'This is nice,'she thought. She opened her eyes and glanced at Rainbow.'And the fact that she will do this with me...'She wasn't sure what to think about that. Rainbow Dash was usually brash and a little egotistical, she didn't think things through and she didnotslow down. The fact that Rainbow wasn't complaining about being bored, or asking her if they could go do something else perplexed her.

For some reason, this brings to mind "Taming Rainbow." I have no idea why. Also, I would not be surprised to learn that's the name of a clopfic. Moving on. Rainbow's changed qite a bit in this story from beginning to end, so Twilight's not the only one whose changed. If I remember correctly, we see even more of Rainbow's changed in Critical Mass, but I'm not sure because I don't remember.

The more Twilight thought about it, the more she remembered little things. Ever since Twilight had walked out from the reactor, Rainbow had acted differently. No, since before that. Before she walked into the reactor, back when her friends showed up. She remembered seeing it in her eyes, the worry for her. After she walked out, the pegasus was the first one to reach her. That night when she was in the hospital, dying from radiation poisoning, Rainbow stayed with her. They hadn't intended to sleep together, but they were both exhausted. Twilight could look back on that memory and smile, even knowing the pain that it had since caused her.

And the paragraph of commentary immediately above is completely redundant.

She knew she was never going to forget that morning for as long as she lived, the first time she woke up with Rainbow, and then how Rainbow acted. Of course, eventually, she got worse. She grimaced when she realized she still hadn't thanked Zecora for saving her life, she was sure that the potion the zebra gave her was what kept her alive long enough for the surgeon to remove her horn.

*Author pointedly ignoring a major mistake* Unless of course that actually happened (and I don't think it did canonically happen, unless I've forgotten the first chapter already).

Also, this scene sort of provides a recap of everything that's happened. I remember during this part that I had to go back and check chapters to make sure I was getting the details right... I'm not sure if I should feel embarrassed about that or not, but I don't feel embarrassed about that.

She was a princess who couldn't take care of herself, couldn't protect herself, couldn't protect anypony, couldn't help the other princesses, and couldn't fill the role she was meant to. A stray thought crossed her mind, one which caused her to swallow. The stray thought was met by an immediate response, however.'You're not a burden.'Rainbow's words echoed in her mind.

Alright. This is also important. In the context of Critical Mass, Twilight was willing to give her life to protect Rainbow, even if it only gave her a few more seconds to live. Speaking of that, I need to reread Critical Mass and see if they talked about that. If not, they need to. Now, the other major thing here, the stray thought. I don't know if it's obvious or not, but the stray thought was about killing herself. I don't really want to linger on this. Twilight was in a really bad place, and she's been there for a while, even with Rainbow helping her, but she is getting better. Critical Mass was a bit of a... curve ball for her, I suppose. As one comment put it, she hadn't even fully recovered, so it felt like kicking an injured puppy or something. It was sort of meant to be that way, with the ultimate goal of Twilight recovering and overcoming it. Twilight's not going to try to do something like that, though. It's not going to happen. This series will have a happy ending.

Rainbow groaned. "Of course you lived here. In a library. Before moving to another library." She snorted and smiled. "That's so you."

Perfection. Deadpan perfection if you remove everything after the end of Rainbow's first quote.

"You can't learn everything from books, Twilight," Rainbow said.

Twilight shifted her weight and looked down at the floor. "I... I know. I mean," she looked back up at Rainbow, "there's not a book for handling every single friendship problem I've come across..." as she spoke, her brow creased. "As much as I wished there was..." she added under her breath.

"Hey, you learned from first-hoof experience how to have friends! That's gotta be better than reading it in a book, right? Just think about all the things we've done together," Rainbow replied with a smirk.

"We have done some pretty amazing things, haven't we?" Twilight said thoughtfully, smiling back at her friend.

Rainbow nodded and walked on passed Twilight, entering the tower. "Yeah, we have." As she walked inside, she tilted her head upwards and glanced over the top bookshelves, then she turned her head to the left, and then the right. The room seemed like something Twilight would like, especially Twilight from back when she had first moved to Ponyville. She smiled at the memories and turned her gaze to the large hourglass that dominated the center of the room. "We really have..." she said absently.

Just... I started reading that, and then... I've tried to avoid the spoilers, but... still. [Don't read if you don't want potential spoilers for MLP in the next few years.] I know a little bit, and... well, this kind of hits hard I suppose. I don't want it to end. I suppose the fandom will always be here, and there's no reason to believe that change will be bad, but... I don't want it to end. All good things come to an end, but... it's always sad. For some reason this makes me think of Doctor Who... It's a bit overwhelming. I want this series to end in such a way as to provoke a powerful emotional response...

No sand was falling through the hourglass, all of it was piled in the bottom. She frowned at the sight. It made her think. She tried to distract herself by looking around the room again, but nothing held her interest. The room itself was sparsely decorated, save for the books, and it didn't have a shred of a feel of being somepony's home. There wasn't anything there that offered a shred of comfort to her, anything that she could call familiar. The only thing she could say that did comfort her was the alicorn standing just inside the door, the same princess that lived in the tower before moving to Ponyville. How Twilight could have lived there eluded her, it also bothered her.

This is pretty important too, but not for any real reason. It's just... important. It adds something to the story, background or... context. I'm not sure what, but it just adds to the feel. Or perhaps I should say what I was originally going to say, "This feels important."

Twilight pursed her lips. "Maybe... but I'd feel like I was rejecting the gift from the Tree of Harmony... It's not like I don't appreciate the castle, it's just-"

"Yeah..." Rainbow said sympathetically. "It doesn't feel like home, even after we put the roots of the library in it, does it?"

Twilight bobbed her head and looked at the floor. "It feels more like home now, but it's still so empty... not that I don't appreciate the privacy."

That's one thing I don't like, the castle isn't homely. One advantage of that is it's easier to picture and describe than coming up with/creating a house for them and describing it... I'm not much of an interior decorator, either. I'm an author, not an artist. I tried art before, I don't have the patience or desire to do it. I'd rather just make a lot of money and then commission all the art and animations.

Hearing Twilight say that brought a smile to Rainbow's lips. "Well, you know, when we get back to Ponyville you can stay with me if you want."

Twilight pressed her lips together. She thought about it for a few seconds before shaking her head. "No." She turned back to Rainbow and smiled weakly. "Thanks for the offer, but... I wouldn't want to impose. I should stay at the castle so I don't cause you any more trouble than I already am..." she trailed off looking away from Rainbow.

"I don't mind," Rainbow replied. "Besides, I thought you liked my bed more than your own?"

Twilight shifted her weight and held her wings tighter against her sides. "W-well, I do... Your bed is nicer... but it's your bed."

"Hey, I've been sleeping with you in your bed," Rainbow countered. "You could stay with me if you want to be somewhere that feels like home."

This is sweet, cute, and a little funny.

Rainbow smiled at her. "See!" she said enthusiastically. "You should stay with me..." Her excitement slowly faded, but it didn't completely disappear, "...since you love me."

Twilight clenched her jaw and leaned away from Rainbow, then she turned to Rainbow and looked at her with an empty expression. "Do you really want that?" she asked sadly.

And it starts getting sad again...

Rainbow groaned and threw her head about in annoyance. "Twilight, you're the smartest pony I know, but..." she trailed off, sighing. She shook her head and met Twilight's gaze. "This. Dating... romance.... love. I don't... I'm not used to this sort of stuff. That's all Rarity's stuff, notmestuff. I don't do mushy stuff like that, but..." she trailed off under her breath, looking down at the floor. What she had been thinking about all day briefly fluttered through her mind. She looked back up at Twilight and met her gaze. As beautiful as Twilight's eyes were, she found them intimidating. Every passing moment drained more of her resolve and determination. Every passing second made her more uncomfortable and nervous than the last. She felt her strength start to falter. She clenched her jaw. She wasn't sure how to say it, but she knew that she had to, and yet she couldn't. She tore her gaze away from Twilight's eyes and trailed over her features. She bobbed her head from side to side.

Twilight waited patiently for her to say something, anything, however, as time passed, she could see Twilight grow physically weaker, and more emotion bled through into her features. Rainbow hated it. She hated seeing Twilight like that, she hated seeing Twilight hurting, even more so when she was the cause. She wasn't going to hurt her like that again. She drew on her courage and reaffirmed her determination and resolve. "But I am for you," she said in a firm, determined voice, putting as much effort into making Twilight understand what she said as she could.

This is pretty important too. I'm getting tired now, so my commentary seems to be getting a bit sluggish.

"Twilight..." Rainbow groaned. "I do want to be with you... I... I think I love you," she said quickly. Twilight's expression became unreadable. Rainbow grimaced and shifted her weight. "I've been thinking about it all day. I just... I can't tell. I don't know if I do or not..."

Twilight licked her lips, her heart rate slowly picking up. "Y-You can't tell?" she asked at length.

"I don't know..." Rainbow sighed and looked down at the floor. "It's not like I've done this before..." She looked back up at Twilight. The princess could see the uncertainty and worry in her eyes, although she didn't notice the slightest hint of a quiver in her lip. "And I don't want to say that I do and it end up being a lie. I... I can't do that to you, I know how much that would hurt you... And that would hurt me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I did that. But I do want to be with you. You're my best friend, Twilight. I don't want anything to change that."

Now I personally think this is pretty unique. I tried to handle this in a unique and different way from what you'd expect or normally see. Rainbow not being able to tell if she does or not. I like that. Also, they really need to talk to Cadance, don't they? I've sort of planned for them to talk to Cadance...

Rainbow chuckled nervously and rubbed her wing against Twilight, reaffirming her grip. "This is kind of weird with you being taller than me," she said.

Twilight pursed her lips and leaned away from Rainbow. She glanced over the smaller pegasus and frowned. "And I'm likely going to get taller," she said with an apologetic smile.

I really think it would be nice to explore that more thoroughly. Eventually I will.

Rainbow squinted at Twilight. "That... that will be interesting..." she trailed off. "Not sure how easily I'll be able to hold you if you get as big as Celestia."

Twilight smiled mischievously. "Isn't it obvious?" she asked in a playful voice.

"Uh... no..." Rainbow said with a nervous smile.

Twilight leaned against Rainbow and pulled her wing out from between them and wrapped it around Rainbow. She slid her head up against Rainbow's neck. "I'll hold you," she whispered teasingly into Rainbow's ear. She nuzzled Rainbow and giggled.

Twilight's definitely relaxed right now. Who gave her catnip?

I'd quote the next section, but it's pretty long and I don't want that. It gets pretty heavy. It's also important. I think I've commentaried on Twilight's immortality in this series before.

Twilight felt guilty about putting Rainbow in the position she did.'I'm truly pathetic, aren't I? I'm an alicorn and I cant even... deal with what that entails,'she condemned herself. She clenched her eyes shut and pressed her head into Rainbow's shoulder. She had no idea how long she had cried and sobbed, but her throat hurt and her eyes were puffy and dry. Along her muzzle where her tears fell, she felt cold. But worst of all, Rainbow had been there the whole time. She had been so weak and Rainbow had seen it, how the pegasus had managed to stay with her eluded her. "I-I'm sorry..." she whispered in a hoarse voice.

This is important. Rainbow stayed with his. This has some parallels to Twilight's breakdown during the final Chapter of Critical Mass. In both cases, Rainbow stayed there with Twilight.

Twilight's just like me. Overwhelmed. Although she's handling it worse... she's also dealing with quite a bit more than me, I suppose. I mean, she is a princess, I'm just a fanfiction author... So I guess she's dealing with a little more than me, but then again, I'm in college.

One of the stories I've wanted to write was just going to be like 6 chapters long, one for the death of each of Twilight's friends. At first, she was going to be upset, then she was going to be detached, then upset, and finally she'd be okay with it when her last friend died. She'd be able to look back on all the good times and smile, maybe even smile as the last one dies when she's right there with her. She'd handle it okay...

"You arenotpathetic, Twilight. You are strong, one of the strongest pony's I know."

"pony's" This was supposed to be "ponies." All I can say about this is "Why?" And fixed.

"I don't know if I can... but I'll try," Twilight said, looking back down at the floor "Thank you for... everything," she said softly. She swallowed and took a deep breath, then looked back up. "I... I think I'm ready to go back to the tower," she said cautiously. Rainbow flashed her a smile. Even with as drained and empty as she felt, Rainbow's smile brought a smile to her lips.

This may feel a bit rushed, but I think it can be explained in-universe by Twilight not having much emotion left at that point because of all the stress and her breakdown.

Mood whiplash. This scene is filled with that.

Rainbow blinked and shook her head. "You know, I thought princesses were supposed to like fancy fro-fro food and upper class stuff like that."

Twilight frowned. "None of us really do..." she mused. "Are sanwiches fine, though? If not, we could... walk around and look for a place to eat or something."

This sort of adds a lot to the story and series. It's small, but that may be why it works.

Is it a bit weird, picturing eating off of a plate with a pony's cutie mark on it? I ask because their cutie mark is on their flanks...

"Want tomato?" she asked as she grabbed a knife in her spare wing and held it threateningly over the unsuspecting tomato.

"Yes," Twilight answered. "Make sure you put it under the hay," she added. "I like the hay when it's crisp."

"Yeah, it's a lot better that way," Rainbow agreed. She slid the knife through the soft vegetable skin, then cut it's flesh and pressed the knife all the way through its body, cleaving it in twine. Red liquid spilled out onto the counter, followed by yellowish seeds as the hapless vegetable found itself brutally assaulted. She quickly repeated the action twice more, cutting off two decent sized slices of tomato, then she flipped the hayburgers over and took off the bottoms. She dropped the tomato slices into place, then replaced the bottoms and flipped them back over before any tomato juice could dampen the hay.

Ah... I enjoyed writing this sceen way too much. I started writing it and then I decided to get carried away with it and write it as exaggurated as possible so it'd come out this way. Around this time I think I was writing a chapter in another story of mine, too. That story/chapter is pretty violent too.

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And that's Chapter 10. Whew. Took me all day to do this commentary... I've been gaming while doing this too.

This chapter was nice. I dropped a few hints and some information on my plans for the upcoming stories in this commentary. Hopefully that doesn't ruin anything. I'll make a blog post with more information when I'm ready.

As always, feel free to ask questions or comment below. I'm happy to get comments and I'll be happy to try to answer your questions, or just talk with you if you'd like.