Author's Commentary: Reaction Chapter 9 · 7:44pm Jan 9th, 2018
Last time, I said that there were no brakes on the Author's Train, just brick walls labeled "Writer's Block." Well, I'm not wrong. I just forgot about switches which can redirect the train. This switch, in particular, was called "Avorion." In general, we'll call it Author's Getting Distracted by Games.
Optimistically and ideally, I will finish the commentary for Reaction this week. I will try to, then. And I then want to reward myself with starting on Critical Mass. I hope you're all looking forward to that as much as I am!
Warning, this Author's Commentary ("Commentary") will contain spoilers for Reaction Chapter 9. If you have not read Chapter 9 in Reaction, I advise you to turn away now and come back later. This Commentary may also contain information which has been said before in prior Commentaries, Author's Notes at the end of chapters, or in comments I have made. Be warned, it could also contain spoilers for Critical Mass and future stories in this series.
You have been warned.
Oh yeah! I remember this! This chapter opens up with Twilight's dream/nightmare. It's sort of foreshadowing for Critical Mass. I can't remember exactly, but sometime around here, maybe before, was when I started giving some serious thought to the sequel.
Twilight met Rainbow's gaze. Staring into her big, magnificent eyes, Twilight lost herself. The vast expanse above them paled in comparison to the beauty she found in Rainbow's eyes, which twinkled ever so slightly in the soft moonlight. After a few seconds, she realized they had stopped moving. Twilight lowered her gaze and looked over Rainbow's lips, then blushed and looked at the stone street, drawing her hoof across the street in small circles. Instead of saying anything, she brushed her cheek against Rainbow's neck in long, loving strokes.
This paragraph. For me, picturing this is just completely adorable. I, of course, and biased, but still. It should be somewhat obvious that Twilight's embarrassed and shy here. If it's not... I don't know what to say to that.
Twilight glanced down at her chest, then removed the regalia from her neck. She held the familiar weight in her hoof, then looked back at Rainbow. She leaned away from her pegasus, causing Rainbow to look at her. Twilight smiled softly and pressed the regalia against Rainbow's chest, then she reached around her neck and fastened it into place. Twilight smiled, it was right. The gold accented Rainbow's body perfectly. In her mind, Rainbow wearing her regalia had more than one meaning. The regalia was a part of Twilight, it was a gift from Celestia upon being coronated as the fourth princess of Equestria. It was a part of her she would gladly give to Rainbow, there wasn't any part of herself she wouldn't give to her in a heartbeat. It was symbolic, too. Her regalia was also a symbol of strength and power, something that princesses were supposed to wear. She would gladly give up being a princess for Rainbow, just to be with her. She would even give her power to Rainbow if she wanted it. Her regalia meant a lot to her too, and she wanted Rainbow to have it. If anything ever happened to her, the regalia was Rainbow's as far as she was concerned.
Alright, so this is pretty important too. I've tried to convey that it's important, but I feel like I've constantly failed to convey it as such. So Twilight's giving Rainbow her regalia. A regalia is symbolic of power and authority in this case, but it's also a part of who Twilight is. She's giving Rainbow a part of her. In my mind, it sort of symbolizes Twilight being Rainbow's, and Rainbow's alone. She's choosing it. Of course, it pretty much says that in the paragraph... Going further into this idea presented here... the penultimate (second to last... the chapter before the last chapter... I think I'm using this right, and I think I have the right chapter in mind) chapter in Critical Mass has Twilight sort of doing the same thing, but in a more meaningful way.
I can't wait to get to that chapter for it's commentary.
It also looked better on Rainbow than on herself.
A tad bit of humor here. But also, I kind of like the idea of Rainbow as an alicorn princess... and yet the same thought terrifies me. However, she would look gold with a regalia on, right? Just picture her wearing something like Celestia's regalia. I think she looks nice like that. And now for some reason, I want to write a story that is Rainbow x Celestia.
The next paragraph... I'm pretty sure my spell checking software wanted to change "glow" to "grow." Sometimes technology can be really stupid.
Rainbow giggled and returned the nuzzle, an action that made Twilight glow and left her with a pleasant warmth in her heart that she knew would never leave her, not even in ten thousand years.
This makes me think of that "Promises" song which plays at the end of Breakign Dawn Part 2. I think it's that one... Yes, I actually like the Twilight Saga. I've not seen it in years, but I liked it. Please don't hate me. Also, I've commented before (or at least I think I have) that I'd like to draw this series out over their lives, so thus... possible foreshadowing.
I could see the next part being intense. It's not that intense for me, but I could see someone thinking it was. It is, of course, a dream turned nightmare, but still. With what Twilight's been through, and knowing her vulnerable state of mind... it's kind of harsh.
Now... keep this scene in mind when reading that one chapter in Critical Mass. That's basically the rest of what I have to say about it. I really enjoyed reading it, though.
Twilight's head shot over to the pegasus. Shock, fear, worry, and happiness filled the alicorn's eyes in the span of a single second. "Rai-ainbow..." she croaked, burying her head into the pegasus's chest.
And that made me tear up a little... I can't help but think that somehow makes me arrogant, but maybe I'm not the only one who teared up from reading that... which means that I'm experiencing just a little bit of what all of you have...
And now I get annoyed by another potential violation of show not tell in my work. My immersion is completely ruined yet again. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist, after all, we learn from our mistakes and if we never try, we'll never learn. All of you reading this can probably (hopefully) see improvement in my writing abilities from the start of Meltdown to the end of Critical Mass.
I'm sitting here, trying to think of more commentary for Twilight's nightmare, and I just think "You know, most of my nightmares involve losing teeth." It's random, I know. I wouldn't really call them nightmares, it's just... like I'll be doing something and my teeth will be super loose and I'll just pull one out and it's like it's not even attached, or I'll accidentally make my teeth lose enough to fall out by pressing my teeth together. I suppose in a way it makes sense because I have good teeth. I'd have even better teeth, but I decided to be stupid back when I was twelve and pour sugar into bowls of rice crispies or whatever, and then not brush my teeth... I've only had like 5-7 cavities, and most of them have been pretty small.
"S-she had you," Twilight said. "An-and I couldn't stop her..."
Reading that made me pause. I nearly did a double take, and my heart kind of stuttered I guess. It's hard to explain. It's just one of those moments when you have a certain realization and it just takes a second or two to process it and realize something important. My realization was how much that is accurate for Critical Mass. I forgot all about this paragraph when writing Critical Mass...
"It's okay, Twilight... I'm not going to leave you..." Rainbow said softly. She slowly trailed her hoof across Twilight's back, then laid it on her neck. Twilight's weight was familiar, and she welcomed it like an old friend. It had been a while since Twilight had lain on top of Rainbow, and she couldn't help but think about it, along with the alicorn herself. Despite Twilight being an alicorn, she was barely any bigger than herself. She didn't know if Twilight would stay that small forever, or if she would outgrow her, although it felt like Twilight weighed more than she remembered.'If... you outgrow me, how will that... work?'she wondered, trying to picture herself holding Twilight if she was as large as Princess Cadance or Princess Luna. The thought brought a smile to her lips. She had trouble picturing Twilight being that tall. It would make holding her difficult.
Ah, this is great. I really want to have that eventually happen in this series, Twilight getting to be Celestia's size and having the two of them figure certain things out about cuddling... It's kind of humorous to picture Twilight laying with her back to Rainbow while Rainbow holds Twilight, and Twilight's the size of Princess Celestia. So thus, the implication is that sometime along the way, there will be a slight role reversal and Twilight will become the more dominant/protective one and hold Rainbow. Or maybe they'll just face each other and snuggle, but still, assuming Twilight gets Celestia's size, then that means that Rainbow would more or less get buried in Twilight. And of course, there's the potential that the role reversal could happen as Rainbow starts to age... And on that note, I kind of want to write a story where Twilight and Rainbow are together (with Twilight Celestia's size and Rainbow normal sized) and them going to bed together... Rainbow's up there in years, and then Twilight wakes up to find her gone... but I don't really want to write that because that has the possibility to be heartbreaking and just thinking about it is making me tear up again...
And there was another thing I was going to say here and now I can't remember it. I remember it now. My story Alicorn Nature has Twilight as big as Celestia in it.
Also, I have a plan in place in regards to Twilight growing and Rainbow's aging... it's a plan I've worked on for a long, long while. About a month ago I figured out how to weave it together, but it needs to be further into their relationship in order for it to work... Look forward to that, because I know I do.
There's a certain beauty in Twilight's vulnerability, and Rainbow being there to help her, take care of her, and comfort her. I don't know if I can explain it properly. I don't know if any of you grasp it, but it's there, and it's beautiful...
This story really needs the Slice of Life tag, doesn't it? And yet, I'm still unsure about that...
And reading the opening paragraph of the next scene gave me another pause for realization. Twilight likes to be in control, but she also likes someone else being in control, doesn't she? She looked up to Princess Celestia and idolized her... So maybe she also liked Celestia being in control and sort of telling her what to do? Maybe I'm grasping at straws here... but that would explain why Twilight does, in this story, enjoy Rainbow making her unable to move... Or maybe I'm overthinking it, and she just enjoys Rainbow holding her.
By this point, I don't need to do commentary on why Twilight's upset. She doesn't want to be a burden to Rainbow, and she thinks she was because of forcing her to wake up and go downstairs with her.
Rainbow had bad back posture. That's something I'm familiar with. I'm always slouched over my keyboard, fiercely hitting the keyboard as I type out pony fanfiction.
I wonder what key I have hit the most on my keyboard. Probably a.
Twilight giggled and nodded. "Yeah, that probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had..." She turned back around and bit her lip. "And now you're... paying for it," she said softer.
Ugh! Come on, Twilight! Stop doing that! You shouldn't beat yourself up for this, seriously...
Unless I don't remember it, I'm pretty sure Rainbow still hasn't taught Twilight how to preen as of the end of Critical Mass...
Twilight bobbed her head. "You worked so hard to get into the Wonderbolts, and in the past few weeks you haven't been able to... actually do anything with them. And... it's your dream, and because of me you haven't been able to enjoy it..."
Rainbow sat down on her haunches and looked at Twilight seriously. "Twilight, that may be my dream, but you're my friend."
Twilight tensed up. "You said that you'd help me until I get better, then that you'd never... abandon me. But... what about the Wonderbolts? I... Can you really do both?"
This is important. It gets addressed in Critical Mass.
Twilight lowered her gaze to her hooves. "She... found out how much I cared for you and... wanted to hurt me," she answered, then looked up at Rainbow.
This kind of comes into play in Critical Mass, but not as much as it could have. It's also probably a really good thing that Chrysalis didn't find out...
Ah, them bathing together sort of happened in this chapter. I cannot remember if this is the first time or if it happened before. Originally, I'm pretty sure that I had something like this in Chapter 6 or 7, but I'm probably thinking of the chapter/scene where Twilight was taking a bath...
Rainbow smiled. "I know you will. Just uh... never tell anypony about this."
This made me smile. It's kind of nice and quite Rainbow.
Why am I getting a major sense of deja vu when reading the paragraph of Rainbow asking Twilight if the soap would hurt her forehead? I feel as if I've done this commentary before, or at least this part... or has that question been asked by Rainbow before and I just don't remember? It's probably that... I have a lot going through my mind, and a lot of story ideas... it's easy to forget... I don't remember much about a lot of my stories.
Lavender is a pleasant scent... but I also like lilacs. I had a couple of lilac bushes... I actually got some for... a present sometime, or something like that. I quite enjoyed it. They did really well and got pretty big, but then they got chopped back and they've not really recovered from it since... it makes me sad because they were so big and beautiful. Also, I won't lie, for a while I kind of confused the scent of lilac with lavender when I'd read some stories with that in it.
Rainbow continued lathering up Twilight's back and made her way down until she reached the water line. "Stand up," she said, scooting back.
Twilight scooted forward and stood up, her tail sagging from the water. Rainbow ignored it and quickly massaged the soap into her flanks, then worked it into her legs. She pulled Twilight's tail out, then poured soap out onto it and carefully worked it in, making sure not to hurt Twilight or tangle her tail, but also making sure that her tail was well cleaned. She ran her hooves through her tail lengthwise several times, straightening it out. Twilight's tail sagged back into the water when Rainbow released it, and the blushing alicorn quickly sat back down without saying anything.
Probably the most awkward thing I have written, at least up to this point. If I was uncomfortable writing them showering individually before, this was a dozen times more awkward for me to write...
Basically, it's awkward because... well, it should be obvious. They're bathing together, and Rainbow's bathing Twilight and washing her off. Perhaps the most awkward part is with Rainbow cleaning Twilight's tail, and how they're positioned... although I suppose her tail may still protect Twilight... But still. And when Rainbow's cleaning her abdomen, although that may be less awkward. They are ponies, however.
Yep, this is awkward. There's probably a story out there with a higher rating and a purple tag, maybe one of the new red tags too, that starts out this way. I also fear asking the question of how many of you would want to see me write something like that. Or would want to read a version of this scene with more details. Although now I'm curious about that... But I guess that's me, being curious and too philosophical or thinking too deeply about something.
"This was... It made you uncomfortable, didn't it?" Twilight asked quizzically.
Rainbow bobbed her head. "Yeeaahhh... a little," she admitted.
Yeeaahhh... I feel your pain. I picture her saying this with her drawing out the "yeah" and then saying "a little" as fast as possible.
Okay, in hindsight, it gets even more awkward when you think about the fact that Twilight is going to watch Rainbow take a shower or bath.
I'm just going to ignore that and move on. Any objections? No? Good.
The next scene opens up with doughnuts. For Twilight, doughnuts aren't very filling (and this is in general too). That is to say there's not a lot to it, sugar and bread and I have no idea what goes into doughnuts, but it's not as... dense so to say, as meat would be, so it's less useful for an alicorn. A sandwich would be better for her than a doughnut, too.
She sighed and took another bite out of her doughnut. The only thing she didn't like about eating doughnuts without her magic was that it made her hooves sticky from the sugary coating. Still, she would rather eat doughnuts with her hooves than her wings, and the thought of holding the doughnut in her feathers made her shiver. Rarity would have thrown a fit if she did that, too.
Okay, two comments here. One, in this series, the ground is basically enchanted with magic so that it is, with some exceptions, clean. It's to say that their hooves don't really get dirty. It's sort of a gift for earth ponies and pegasi from whoever is responsible for it. Now, obviously, there are exceptions. Mud, areas where the ground isn't enchanted as such... etc. Of course, that still kind of only goes so far, so that perhaps implies that they all have strong immune systems, which perhaps explains why sickness is so rare... Plus let's face it, I pretty much did it to avoid the disgusting factor of them walking on hooves and also using their hooves to eat. Now, the second thing... Using wings to eat a doughnut, to pick one up and hold it. No, that is a horrific idea. I am picturing Scootaloo covered in tree sap from that one episode now. That would be just terrible...
Muffins are nice. I think the only kind of muffin I've ever had is the blueberry kind, and those are great. Muffin is also a great character, she's so cute and lovable. Her voice is so soft and sweet too. Yes, I'm talking about Derpy. And now for some reason, I'm thinking about holding a filly derpy and it's adorable.
Twilight followed her with curiosity, careful to keep up and stay close with her and watching her carefully to make sure that she wasn't going to suddenly surprise her and take off.
This sentence needs to be rewritten.
Rainbow doing some stunts... I sort of based her flight uh... maneuver... I really don't know what to call it. The loop, spin, then come back for Twilight and fly around her then sort of appear face to face with her... I based that on something, but I can't remember what. It was either something from an episode, an animation, or something from a fanfic I've read. Don't ask me what one, I don't remember.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I have practice, Twilight. I've been a pegasus all my life." She started flying away from Twilight at a casual speed that the alicorn could easily keep up with. Rainbow looked at Twilight, flying beside her. "You? You've only been an alicorn for a few years, so you just don't have as much experience as I do."
The dawning horror of realizing that somewhere along the line, I made a terrible, terrible mistake. Mistakes were made. Discontinuity occurred. I'll fix it eventually, maybe. This seems to be in conflict with... I don't know which chapter it is, but it has Rainbow telling Starlight they've only known each other for about 3 years. So I guess the way this would have to work is that she's been an alicorn for two years, which implies that seasons 1-3 all happened in one year (Celestia have mercy...) and then season 4 and 5 were each a year (she finally had mercy). Well, I guess I have some corrections to do. I'm not sure if I've stated this before, but I view Rainbow as being older than Twilight. Well, all of the mane six I view as being older than Twilight. For some reason, I keep wanting Twilight to be 21 and Rainbow around 24. For this series, I'm not really sure I'm set on their exact ages, but Rainbow's about three years older than Twilight. This also plays into another story I wrote, so maybe that's where that particular age difference came from.
"I'll have to teach you to be a better flier so that you can keep up with me then, I guess."
Twilight laughed nervously.
I can picture Twilight smiling a forced smile here, like from... that Yak episode where "Yak's no declare war" and Celestia's there with Twilight, and Twilight just perks up and smiles awkwardly at Celestia's wry expression.
Ah, memory lane is great. Most of the time...
Twilight complains about everything, doesn't she? Seriously. Right here she's complaining about being an alicorn and everypony recognizing her as such, and before she was complaining about not being an alicorn. That makes her a bit of a hypocrite. But, maybe not. There's a middle ground here. Twilight is an alicorn, but being an alicorn is hard on her and stressful, and she recognizes that. Also, this is kind of important for the future, a long ways into the future. I have plans that stretch about 20 years into the future for this series. Granted, those plans are less worked out than the upcoming ones... Well, actually I guess I do have a picture in my mind about the final scene in this series... but I just have to work to that point. I've got to pour my heart, my sweat, and my blood all into making this series as beautiful as I can, so that the ending can be a masterpiece, turning this whole series into a work of art...
Do I sound arrogant or something when I talk about that? Please tell me if I do. I don't want to sound arrogant or condescending, or anything like that. I don't want to be full of myself. I'm not the greatest writer there is, far from it, but I still want to write the best that I can. I don't want to be obnoxious.
"Maybe," Twilight said as she leaned away from Rainbow. "And then other times, the times when I don't feel like an alicorn... I guess I just don't feel very important." She tilted her head away from Rainbow. "It's been worse in general lately, and I'm sure losing my horn hasn't helped with that..." She turned to Rainbow and smiled, although Rainbow looked at her wryly. "But... you've helped me with that, I think..."
Now, this is making me think of either a story or a comment to a story on here. Well, this in combination with the whole scene where Twilight's sort of moping. I have a screenshot of it, but I don't want to post it because I don't want anyone to get any ideas that this series would include things which I plan to not include.
The more Twilight thought about it, the more she thought for sure that she had never been more nervous in her entire life. Statistically speaking, she knew it was unlikely, but she was more nervous than the day of her coronation. Her anxiety had steadily risen over the past hour, and as much as she had tried to hide and manage it, it still showed. She glanced at Rainbow and smiled brightly before ruffling her wings. Rainbow looked back at her with a suspicious look.'Tone down the smile...'she told herself.
I took a statistics class last semester. It was interesting! ...and torture. Twilight's nervous smiles are great.
I've probably said it before, but I've never been on a date before. So I'm more or less just guessing on how Twilight would deal with it. I can understand how she'd feel. She's sort of paralyzed in fear and anxiety over it. I used to be really anxious and nervous and incredibly introverted. I still am quite introverted, but I'm not as nervous and anxious now. I think writing this story helped me start overcoming that. Twilight was a lot like me, and I was a lot like her in the earlier seasons. That's probably why she's my favorite. I really, really miss the old seasons back when Twilight was so... Twilight.
"Twilight," Rainbow groaned, shaking her head. "If I have to tell you to relax one more time, I'm going to drop you into a river." Rainbow started walking forward again, then paused when she realized Twilight wasn't following her. She turned around and looked blankly at Twilight. The alicorn looked terrified.
"Y-you... wouldn't actually do that, would you?" Twilight asked.
Rainbow's response here is great, but unfortunately, poor Twilight's terrified of that thought. Honestly now, I can picture that response making Twilight just shut down, being unable to process it and just... breaking her. And Rainbow was just being playful...
Luna to the rescue! Sort of. I still really want to explore Luna relationship with Twilight and Rainbow. I'm pretty sure Luna bore the Element of Loyalty before Rainbow, and I think that should play into their relationship. They should sort of have a mutual understanding or something. And now for some reason, I'm thinking about the dynamic between the Master Chief and The Arbiter.
This story, perhaps this series, has left me with an unquenchable desire for cheesy pasta. The things I have been craving for months include steak, baked potatoes, rice, and cheesy pasta. I'd get the steak and a baked potato at a steakhouse, and then the steak and rice from a Japanese steakhouse. I'm really hungry right now, so this is painful and torturous.
Let's face it, this date was probably destined to fail. I honestly had no idea what I was doing when I wrote that. I still don't have any idea about how to write something like that. But, also considering the fact that it's just the two of them also probably makes it worse, because it'll be harder to relax, or at least that's what I think/picture. All alone like that may be intimidating, in comparison at a restaurant you'd have other people around talking in the background, providing some noise which may help.
You know, the way their relationship develops in this series seems quite atypical and unique. Or maybe I've just not had experience with reading other stories which are like this. They don't really fight a lot... although I suppose they kind of do fight. It's kind of hard to explain, but you should understand it by reading the story. They fight in the sense that Twilight's depressed and Rainbow's trying to help her and make her relax. Although I suppose they actually kind of do have a fight in Critical Mass, or maybe I'm misremembering it. I don't really plan to have them fight a whole lot, which I think is good. I'm not planning to add artificial drama, forcing fights and whatnot in to add a sense of drama. I don't want to force in silly things for them to fight over, or silly misunderstandings, they're smarter than that, and they should know how to work through it. Plus Twilight's kind of not that demanding in this series... although she is in a way, it's not the... overbearing domination that could hurt their relationship. She genuinely wants Rainbow to be happy, even if it hurts herself, to the point of hurting herself. This is sort of their fight in Critical Mass, once again, assuming I remember correctly.
Rainbow glanced up from her food and watched Twilight chew, then swallow.'Thanks for not eating meat, Twilight.'The thought gave her pause.'This is my first date, and it's with Twilight. Am I supposed to... are we supposed to kiss after this is over?'She quickly forked another bite of food into her mouth, helping her feel less stress from the thought.'That... is that why you're not eating meat?'The idea of kissing somepony who ate meat disgusted her, although in the back of her mind, she wondered what it would be like to kiss Twilight.
They don't really kiss until the end of Critical Mass. Well, they do, but they don't share one. Also, I still completely plan to have a scene with Twilight having eaten meat and then kissing Rainbow on the lips, and Rainbow freaking out about it. Also, this is kind of important.
Chair cuddles. It's a sad scene, but the cuddles help make it cute.
"I'll sit beside you..." Twilight replied. After a few seconds, Rainbow's grip loosened. Twilight used the opportunity and wiggled free, then slid around to Rainbow's side and leaned against her. "The sooner you finish the sooner we can... leave."
...For some reason, I'm picturing Twilight saying that last sentence like Rarity in that one episode where Rainbow got falsely accused. "I imagine it gets a bit... boring."
Twilight had to think about that question for several seconds before she could answer it. "No. I don't, even with it turning out so badly," she said with more strength.
This feels out of character for Twilight. If anything, she should be silent, then Rainbow should say something softly, and Twilight just nod and start crying before she runs away.
But at least this gets better and happier. More lighthearted...
Twilight's sort of a filly at heart when it comes to Rainbow, isn't she?
Rainbow opened the door to Twilight's tower and motioned the alicorn inside. Twilight ruffled her wings apprehensively and stepped through the doorway. Rainbow followed close behind her, and as soon as both of them were in, Rainbow shut the door behind them and locked it out of habit. Twilight's first thoughts were drawn to the pegasus standing beside her, then to their bed. She glanced sideways at her friend, then she made her way across the room. To Rainbow's surprise, the bed wasn't Twilight's destination, rather, the balcony door was. Rainbow walked over to her as she opened the door and stepped outside. Rainbow made sure that the door was unlocked before closing it behind them, she didn't want to accidently lock Twilight and herself outside.
Now, in this part, the sentence about Rainbow locking the door out of habit might look a bit weird. I didn't "need" to add the "out of habit" part, but I added it to make sure I didn't accidentally imply that they were going to do something. I also misspelled accidentally here. And I only realize that because of my spell checking software...
Rainbow shifted her weight and leaned back, then pulled Twilight's head into her lap. The alicorn looked up at her with the soft and curious look that belonged to her alone.
It's kind of awkward for ponies to do that with how their legs are designed...
"Maybe... maybe I am worrying about this too much," Twilight admitted. "I... have issues with worrying about things and I may have a slight habit of blowing them out of proportion..."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow at her. "Slight habit?" she asked. Twilight smiled sheepishly at her. "Seriously? I'm pretty sure you blow things out of proportion more than anypony I know. Remember that one time when you brainwashed the whole town? I mean, come on!"
Ah, this made me smile and laugh. Good times... And now that I'm reminded of this here, well, Starlight did the same thing. More or less. But now, for the actual commentary on this. Twilight's greatest problem in this series seems to be herself. Her mind. Worrying about everything. Being unable to relax or calm down. She's getting better, but it's still there. In this series, I plan to have Twilight slowly overcome that, eventually working that though. She'll never truly completely be free from it, but it won't be so paralyzing. But it's not going to be all at once, it'll be slow, hopefully across the entire series, so that the change is subtle and will be the sort of thing you can reread the story and watch as Twilight grows.
Rainbow snorted. "Twilight, I've seen you at your best and your worst. Trust me, I can handle you." Twilight shifted her weight and rubbed her wings against her sides, uncomfortable with Rainbow saying she couldhandle her. Rainbow watched her for a few seconds, then pulled her hoof away from Twilight's mane. "What exactly are you wanting out of me anyway?"
There's a certain beauty to this. But there's also quite a bit of awkwardness which I seem to have forced in. I regret that.
Twilight slowly pushed herself up out of Rainbow's lap, then she laid down on her stomach beside Rainbow. Rainbow leaned back all the way so that she could look at Twilight without straining her head. Twilight folded her hooves beneath her head and glanced over Rainbow's chest. "You're my best friend, Rainbow... I still want to be closer to you, though. You're beautiful and free-spirited. You're a strong mare, stronger than I am by a long shot, even physically right now." Twilight flashed her a small smile and laid a wing over Rainbow's chest, drawing the pegasus's attention to the lavender wing caressing her body. "You're loyal to your friends, and even though you can be... challenging... you're one of the best ponies I know. You make me feel safe, I know that when you're around, you're not going to let anypony get hurt without a fight. You may not always be the most dependable pony, but if it comes down to it, we can count on you for anything."
Honestly, I struggled with this. I'm not the best with emotions, and so I've struggled with things like this, especially in writing. I don't know how to put it, I struggle to put myself in Twilight's hooves and think what Twilight would see in Rainbow that would make her want to be with Rainbow.
Something even more important to say about this is the fact that they're best friends. Spouses are supposed to be each other's best friend, their companion, their confident. I may not know much about being in a relationship, but I know what makes a healthy relationship. Friendship, forgiveness, understanding, and trust. There's probably a few more things I'm forgetting. A relationship built on this will last and thrive.
"Did you practice that?" Rainbow asked with a smirk.
Twilight shook her head. "No. If I had practiced it, I would have written it down on paper and read it to you."
Rainbow laughed and looked up into the sky. "Yeah, that sounds like you."
[Author's: "No comment"] This was fun to write in, it's small, but it felt like it added a lot.
Over the next several seconds, Rainbow's thoughts turned against her, and her smile faded to a frown. She didn't want to say anything about it, knowing that it would cause Twilight unnecessary pain. She still felt like she needed to address it. "You're an alicorn... you know you're going to outlive me..." She felt Twilight's body tense up in her grip. "We should talk about that?"
Twilight pressed her muzzle deeper into Rainbow's coat, hoping that it would make the discomfort go away. While it made her feel better, her discomfort didn't leave. "I don't want to talk about that, Rainbow..."
It's somehow fitting that last night was when I started on this, I had looked at a lot of the "immortality blues" pictures on Derpibooru. Basically, Twilight outliving her friends. And before you go into the "but Twilight won't outlive her friends..." A couple things. 1, that was a tweet and is not canon. 2, that tweet can be interpreted at least 3 ways. 3, until it's stated in the show one way or another, I will default to Twilight being immortal. 4, They could all be immortal since they're linked to the Elements of Harmony. And 5, it's a TV show aimed primarily at young girls, so this point is moot as it'll never happen in the show, which is what fanfiction is for.
Now that that's out of the way, this is important. Remember it.
And we end with more cute, adorable cuddles, making my heart stutter from the cuteness!
And that Chapter 9!
I didn't realize this was such an important chapter. I think I had a lot of commentary to give. I started on it last night, then I finished it today. Hopefully, that doesn't ruin anything.
And yeah, it looks like it'll still be a while before I start on the sequel to Critical Mass. I want to have less on my plate before I start on it. My goals before I start on the sequel would be to finish the commentary (including Critical Mass), finish CWoH, or The End War, or complete one of my secret projects...
This comes out just 5 days shy of the one year anniversary of this chapter. Pretty soon, it'll have been a full year since I've finished this story. I should do something to celebrate that, any ideas?
Rereading the comments might be my favorite part. Comments are great. Comment below! Ask questions, point out things I missed, or add your own commentary about sections, or give a commentary on my commentary so I can give a commentary on your commentary of my commentary. Commentaryception?
I'm personally of the belief that the mane 6 are in their mid 20s and starlight (and sunburst) are in their late 20s or early 30s. I think the more challenging thing is to figure out the age of the CMC. Many people have said that they are (or were) probably about 10ish years old. But after they got their cutie mark they suddenly became considerably more mature. They still act a bit like kids, but it's far different from how they acted in season 1. I'd say they act like 15-16 years olds now, but they're the exact same size as they were then which confuses me sometimes. Was there a large jump in time between crusaders of the lost mark and future episodes, or maybe it's some sort of cultural thing where ponies who get their cutie marks have to act more maturely, so they're purposefully trying to change their behaviour. I don't know.
Not really, you aren't saying that you're better than everyone, or belittling anyone. You aren't rubbing it in our faces that you're a better writer than us. You're just saying what you want the future of you're story, and you certainly have the capability of backing those wishes up.
What are those 3 ways?
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The three ways it can be interpreted are 1, Twilight dies first (which can be interpreted multiple ways), 2, her friends are also immortal (or will become immortal), or 3, it could simply be a matter of them all having similar life spans, so Twilight may outlive some of them, but not in a significant way. There is also another interpretation, I suppose, where her "friends" could be ponies other than the main six. Spike's a dragon, and dragons are said to take hundred year naps or so, so thus she could outlive the rest of the mane six, and not outlive Spike, and thus still not technically outlive her friends. Celestia and Luna could also be counted among her friends, thus making it a bit more blurry about the meaning of it.
And now that I think about it, there's yet another interpretation. They all will kind of die when the show ends... and yet at the same time, they will all live on. And another way to look at it is that they could have an afterlife, and so Twilight may still have them with her even after they die.
And after writing this and going back, I remembered another way. Twilight could have technically died in the Season 3 finale. She isn't the same pony she once was, which is pretty obvious if you watch a season 1 episode and then a season 7 episode. The change was gradual over time and not quite that sudden, but still. The ascension plane (or whatever its name is) does look a bit like what you could imagine the afterlife as being like. There was an analysis video I watched a while back, but I can't remember who did it. So thus Twilight could have already died and been revived, so thus she technically did die before her friends. On top of this, there was the burn mark, but I suppose that doesn't prove her death, as she burnt Spike when teleporting on accident in Season 1 Episode 3 (I don't remember the name of the episode and I don't want to take 5 seconds to look it up, so instead I'll spend 20 seconds writing all of this out).
So... there's a lot to think about I suppose... I enjoy thinking about this sort of thing.
The CMC's age... yeah that's a challenge. I don't think about it to be honest. Personally, I think that the first few seasons all happened in a relatively short timespan, a year, maybe two, which can explain some things... After the first three seasons, I think that probably changed to where a season was over a longer period of time.
If I had to guess their ages, I'd put them between 12 and 15, maybe? Too much older and it gets a bit strange since they're still pretty small, despite the fact that they should be turning into mares. Too young and there's a bit of a time issue. If the 7 seasons were seven years, and if they were 10 when it started, then they should be 17 by now, or adults. Twilight was probably around 17-18 in season 1 since she's sort of still in school/college, so thus the CMC would be incredibly small for their age. If they were 8, then they could now be 15, and it would make sense that getting their cutie marks could sort of be like puberty, especially if taken that the first three seasons are only a year or two in time, which could put their age around 13-14.
The CMC have a lot of growing to do, but at least they're maturing. My guess would be that they act more mature now that they have their cutie marks based on the idea that big ponies have cutie marks, or that they're not little fillies anymore because they have their cutie marks. I think Applebloom said something like that, but I can't point to an episode.
I'm glad I don't come off as arrogant... I sometimes come off that way to other people, it's something that I struggle with at times. Although I probably sound like a broken record, going on and on about the same things... Oh well...
Anything else you want to ask or discuss?