You'll Never See Me Comin'!
At long last, I finally, truly HAVE THE INFINITY GUANTLET, the Power, Soul, Time, Space, Reality, and Mind Stones are mine to command!
However, there was one small problem: the Guantlet was too heavy. So, I used the Stones to turn the Guantlet into a necklace. Behold, the Infinity Pendant! The pendant of a God! (that I actually bought from Amazon for $10.)
One does not simply include the Venom Symbiote in their block buster game without expecting GMVs set to Eminem's Venom to be created.
Hey, guys. Well, I was just checking out how things were going over on Prometheus: Year One, and I gotta say...
Only three follows and one fave... we are really going to have to turn this around. I'm using the royal me of course. So, if you haven't seen it yet... well, then here's the link to the story.
Get to it!
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You know, I gave it a quick read last night. I could tell you what went wrong in either the large scale, or the laundry list of bullet-point problems. But I once did both, and my reply was being ignored at best, and being used as strawman at worst. Not again.
4749760
I'm guessing the large scale version is that I stuck too close to the show. But, trust me, later on things will go off the beaten path. I'll PM you the specifics.
No.
The problem is not the premise. It never was. The main problem is that you keep making the same pacing/characterization/narrative/dialogue mistakes. Any changes you have done in the last five attempts have been only superficial. You have either learned nothing so far, or refuse to acknowledge the flaws you need to improve.
The only reason I'm giving a last shot at telling you this is that, for reasons that elude me I still believe you can learn. So here's my argument:
That thing, up there, is exactly the same kind of phrasing from Deathstroking. As a matter of fact, It's almost a carbon copy of it's first sentence. I've told you multiple times about how that kind of sentence break the "show, don't tell" rule. I've told you that, from a gramatical standpoint, a sentence that relies on multiple adverbials loses its main meaning, because it gets buried in the aforementioned adverbials. I've told you that "..." is not an improved version of the coma and period, and it only breaks any flow if overused.
I once wrote an essay's worth of feedback on the same kind, going almost sentence by sentence. It wasn't for popularity or any personal gain. It was because there was a point I actually cared for it and tried to help you. But you gave deaf ears to any of it, scrapped the entire thing and now, again, made all of those mistakes. I did what I could, you did nothing with the work I gave you. And at this point, I'm tired of trying.
This doesn't mean we're not friends, but I won't take any more part in these projects of yours beyond opinions and/or small critiques.
Sorry. My read later list has gotten llllllllllllllllloooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg.
It is on the list but it will be a while before I can get to it, If it is anything like your other work then I am sure that it is well written and fun.