Over-literal account of the "12 Days of Christmas" - Day 1

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A partridge in a pear tree."

Okay, first off, my true love's been offline since July 15th.
Second, I prefer apples to pears.
Third, while I'm certain that a partridge's song is beautiful and I've never heard it, I don't really want a wild bird in my house.
Fourth, a bird in the house is a sign of death. I don't really want to die.

All 12 Days of Christmas sound like a White Elephant game, honestly.
~~~~~
So, since I'm probably not gonna have another story out by Christmas, I've decided this is my present to you! Up until Christmas 12 days from now, I'm gonna overanalyze the aforementioned song piece by piece! Happy Christmas and Merry Holidays!