Sunny Sunday #3: Pitfalls Part 1 - Self-Pity

Welcome back to Sunny Sunday! I'm Crysis Commander. In the next few Sunny Sundays, we'll look at what someone may come across when looking at negative self talk and the challenges it presents. While it is important to know one of the major factors in a lack of happiness, we must know not just where the thinking comes from, but what it is and how to manage it. Let's get started.

The first pitfall we will look at is self-pity. Pity is defined as, quote: "the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others." Essentially, pity is that feeling we get in the pit of our stomachs when something happens we don't like, typically in an empathetic case for others. However, one can also feel pity for themselves, and this is where the danger comes in. Pity is the feeling of the observer towards the victim, but when the victim in our minds is ourselves, then the reality of the situation can become far more skewed.

In the case of self-pity, one may not feel that they are at fault for their own suffering. It is always something else, they are hardly to blame. If the world wasn't so unfortunate and mean to them, then perhaps they could feel some semblance of happiness. It won't happen, though. If left unchecked, self-pity can turn into a never-ending cycle of blame and comparison.

"I'll never be good enough", "Why does this always happen?", and "I can't help being this way, I was born into this circumstance" are all phrases we might hear in our minds, willing us to fall into the trap. Taking action is not easy, nor is it in anyone's comfort zone. It is clear what can happen if we fall too far into this trap: our stories of victimhood will push us deep into a pit of our own despair - a pit of our own making.

How do we overcome self-pity? As much as we may not like to admit it, part of it comes with accepting that we complain too much. This could easily be blamed on society, our upbringing, or our situation, but in the end, our attitude is determined by us. This being said, it is also up to us to talk ourselves out of such thoughts. We can do this by recognizing when we are beginning to go down the road of self-pity and keep ourselves grounded on the path of reality. Ask yourself: "Is what I'm telling myself helping me fix the issue?"

Activities that can help put less of a burden on ourselves are meditation, getting more sunlight, keeping a tidy living space, and frequent walks - generally reducing stress. Some of these methods may sound strange, but they do a tremendous amount to help reduce stress, thereby reducing the chances for self-pity to arise.

This lesson can be hard to hear, as we as humans don't generally like to admit our own faults. However, the sooner we recognize the flaw, the sooner it can be corrected.

Next week we'll look at another common pitfall and how it can be managed. Until next week, friends. Stay lovely!

Sincerely,
Crysis Commander

art by johansrobot