It's Been a While · 2:52am Dec 9th, 2017

Goodness, it has been a little while since I've last posted anything in general. I have just been busy trying to get my life together academically and emotionally. There were just a lot of things going on all at once that feels like I was laying in my own pile of emotions and work as it was burning and saying that everything was fine. A lot has happened throughout the years with hardships filled with anguish and a whole lot of changing through these moments and through problems of my own.

This year has not been an easy one, I'm not going to lie. It started out a lot better than the others, but three months later came the big hit. March 3rd, 2017; my church came together in sorrow as we had lost a very young member to a freak accident involving a semi. It was a shock to all of us as it was a shock to the family as well. He was traveling down a not so busy side of my hometown after hanging out with a friend at a local fast food joint and taken her home, the semi driver didn't see him or thought they could make it, and he drove into the side of the truck and died at the scene. Only 16 years old. His death reached as far as a small town in Georgia as their local high school girls softball team was at a restaurant on the intersection where he was killed. It now has been 9 months since his accident, everyone has kind of found their new normal, but both his parents are still struggling.

Shortly after his accident, I has a psychiatric evaluation that was only going to be for this program of which I still barely know exactly what it is for. I was labeled having two new mental illnesses on top of the disability I already have. Persistent Depressive Disorder and Unrecognizable Anxiety. Which has messed me up more than I needed, as I knew I did not have these. I started spiraling further out of control thinking that maybe I was depressed, which caused a lot of problems in my friendships while all they were trying to do was help. I wasn't taking advice, I was pushing others away, and thinking that the only one who was here for me was myself.

Eventually I started forming closer relationships with my friends that I felt like I could trust as they both had never left as graduation was coming around the corner. I finally felt like I had others in my life that I could rely on and had my dreams in their best interest as I did with theirs. As time went on, yes I still struggled with my emotions and life, but I had a lot more better days knowing I had others who cared.

Which leads me into my new OC, Amethyst Fire. Crystal Feather had been, for four years now, who I portrayed myself on the internet. Which could've been so many different things all at once. She didn't really have a story. Crystal was a character a friend had created for me and I adopted her into my life, she became who I was here. She was a writer, she had a rough past, but still managed when she could to be joyful. That wasn't really me. I loved writing, I have had a rough past, but being mostly joyful wasn't an attribute of mine when she was created and constantly redone. Amethyst is who I really am: I love to draw, I am an avid reader, I love to write stories and poetry, and I have fun with American Sign Language. I do have depressive thoughts, I don't trust others very easily, I am timid, I don't take advice very well, I am an empathetic person, stubborn, closed off, and I know I don't fit in. I am sarcastic, I am caring, I am optimistic, creative and a bit of an oddball. I am currently in the works on her story which I hope will knock the socks off of ya'll.

I hope to be a little more active on here again like I was before, but I am currently a freshman in college and just barely made it through my first semester. I am on winter break finally, so there will hopefully be some long awaited writing that will get done. I have been working on some other writings that don't really belong here, but as soon as I get them done I can post a link.

Sorry for the long hiatus, but I will hopefully be a little more active. If you have made it this far in the post, thank you all for reading this novel of a post