'The Monster Below: Sunfall' revisions complete. · 1:03am Nov 8th, 2017
In accordance with the comments, criticisms, and critiques I have received about The Monster Below: Sunfall, I have completed my revisions of the story to address them. While I believe it is best to read through the chapters again to get the full experience and catch up to where we are (you can all handle five chapters, right?), here is a list of the changes to each chapter for those who prefer to get an abridged version.
All Chapters:
Tightened and condensed various sentences to remove redundancies and unneeded words or phrases.
Chapter 1:
The idea of Silverspeak’s nightmare being a vision of what's to come has been removed to make it a nightmare born of Silverspeak’s regret over failing to save his parents from Mangus Bluehorn, and worrying that someone could come along and do the same to Beakbreaker. He subsequently assures Beakbreaker that he will do everything he can to protect her if someone does try to hurt her.
Chapter 2:
Added a bit during Silverspeak, Coin Counter, and Gusty’s talk at the holiday dinner on how Silverspeak wants to help others avoid the same mistakes he made in his life during his quest to become an alicorn.
Chapter 3:
No major changes.
Chapter 4:
The guards now plan to beat Green Wing to make her talk instead of skinning her, including breaking her bones and not letting them heal.
Silverspeak knocks out the guards with rubber slugs from the shotgun instead of killing them.
A continuity error has been corrected so that Silver Scalpel is properly introduced when meeting with Silverspeak, instead of Silverspeak mentioning his name in chapter 5 without having been told it.
Silverspeak meets with Luna inside the temple, instead of a meeting room.
Chapter 5:
Iron Hoof no longer kills all non-ponies he captures, but has them sent to an undisclosed location. No one, not even defectors from Iron Hoof’s forces, knows what happens to them.
The early days of the war have been changed substantially: Iron Hoof used a great amount of dark stones (the same magic-nullifying material that formed Queen Chrysalis’ throne in To Where and Back Again) to render Celestia, Luna, the Mane Six, and all unicorns in the Equestrian army powerless when they assaulted his fortress in an attempt to defeat his forces. In the aftermath, the Mane Six, Cadance, Shining Armor, and countless others were captured, with only Luna and Celestia escaping. The aforementioned ponies are still alive.
Revised the ending to remove the somewhat ‘sappy’ tone that it took, to one more along the lines of relief.
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It's my hope that these changes improve the story, and to make it a better experience with readers. With that said, the normal, one-chapter-a-month updates will now resume.
Ooo, exciting. I'll definitely read it this weekend. :)
Impressed you undertook this.
I'm definitely spoiled, but thanks anyways. Will start reading very soon.
Makes me wonder if the dark stone of Chrysalis' throne is the same kind of material that Tempest uses as bombs to petrify Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Derpy in the latest movie.
I'm gonna write that down...