The Walking Dead; CHAPER ONE

IT HAZ Come!

But in all seriousness, let us get down to buisness on my critcal views on the award winning AMC series and New York Bestseller comic; The Walking Dead.

So, as you can tell, I am a fan of the show, and a HUGE FAN (JIZZ IN MY PANTS AT THE NAME OF IT) for the comic. For those who have not seen season two, I am about to rape you. If you actually want to know about season three and possibly four by the comic, then keep reading.

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The Walking Dead is a comic book series created by the glorious bastard that is Robert Kirkman. Now, here is the law of The Walking Dead comics:

- Tony Moore is the best penciler, all the other ones are not as good.
- The story of the comic only relates to the story of the show remotley (which is retarted).
- Robert Kirkman is the Gabe Newell of comic books.

Now that that is out of the way, let me move on.

CHAPER ONE: DAYS GON BAI

Officer Deputy of Cynthiana Rick Grimes, or Young Chuck Norris was cruising 'round town looking for trouble when he gets a call for a car chase. Him and his buddy dickface Shane Walsh (just kidding, Shane is best pony) respond to that big mother eff'er and chase 'em down. When the hillbilly Billy Mayes leaves the car and unloads his Oxi clean powered pump action shot gun at them because their clothes were obviously dirty, Chuck Norris tells Shane that he is going to try and hit Billy from the trench on the opposite side of them.

Shane, who can't obviously shoot the side of a barn gets his gun shot out of his hand with the power of Oxi Clean stain removal, and Rick Chuck Norris Grimes gets a belly full of that high powered soap scum remover.

Waking up from a coma after the end of time (a few weeks), Chuck Grimes finds himself in a hospital, and he feels a whole lot better. He finds his clothes in the a drawer next to his bed and they look great too on account of the outlaw Billy Mayes shooting him with that high power Oxi shotgun.

Rick wanders the abandoned halls for any sign of life, but stumbles onto a room of CUTE CUDDLY KITTENS (maggot filled, disgusting, flesh eating zombies).

Norris Rick Chuck is scared of kitties, but when he panics, one attacks him and he tumbles down the hospital staircase with the kitty. Then, the kitty lands on its head, and its neck snaps and tears away, the head rolling around, still alive.

Rick locks the doors, and finds a bike in the outside world, an apocalyptic, barren wasteland with dead kitties scattered everywhere. Norris Grimes goes to his house to search for his family, but he cant find them, so a little black boy comes over and smacks him in the back of the head with a shovel (I'm not kidding, that really happened).

The boys father, Morgan Jones, or Morgan Freeman Doctor Whatever Fuck You, explains that the world has gone to shit, his family is probably dead, so are the rest of his friends, and the only seemingly safe place to go is Atlanta, or Atlantis, Georgia George Still Fuck You I Don't Caresville. That is five hours away.

The trio go to the police station, take all the guns, ammo, and Oxi Clean they need, depart, and Rick Norris goes to Atlantis Atlanta Fuck You.

Morgan Freeman Jones Doctor and his little boy don't die, just to let you know.

Rick Norris' car runs out of gas, so he goes to the nearest house where he finds the entire family with bullet holes in their foreheads and their rotting corpses messing up the perfect living room.

Norris Grimes carjacks the pony from the family barn. He rides Pinkie Pie down to Fuck You Atlanta but only finds more death, because the army in the comic books were too stupid to think "WHAT IF ONE PERSON GETS INFECTED AND INFECTS EVERYBODY IN DA CITY?".

That is exactly what happened. Rick is surrounded by thousands of Kitties who pull him of his favorite pony and they eat Pinkie Pie because she just taste so damn good. Rick runs away and is grabbed by our oriental Korean friend Glenn.

"Welcome to shitty wok, now ret's get tah' herl outta here!"

They escape Fuck Atlantis You George Whatever and Glenn takes Young Chuck Norris Grimes Rick back to his camp, where he meets his youngest son Crybaby Carl and his idiotic, annoying wife, Lorrie or Lorry, I don't care. Oh, and Shane is there as well.

So, we meet new characters:

Dale, an old guy that always looks like he is going to fucking Hawaii

Andrea and her sister, She Who Must Not Be Named (because I forgot, goddammit)

Allen, his fat wife, and their two twin boi's.

Jim - Mechanic (from his own information, loves canned beans. I'm serious, he eats canned beans in every picture of him.)

And Sophia (12 year old) and her mom (forgot her name as well, I DONT CARE, BITE ME)

So, things seem to be going swell, but tension rises with Shane and Rick Norris because Shane has a dark secret...

He is a vampire! JUST KIDDING, he had sex with Chuck Norris' wife because they thought Rick died.

Glenn and Rick Norris take a stop by the gun store, pick up a shit load of guns, and come back without being eaten by kitties.

Rick and Shane keep having fights and they lead up to Shane punching Rick in the face and crying off into the woods with a rifle in his hands.

Rick goes after him and tries to reason with Shane, but he accuses Rick of making everything unfair, saying that this was going to be perfect between him and Lori (Thats how you spell her name!)

Rick was supposed to die in the hospital, not come back, so Shane turns his gun on the defenseless Rick, ready to shoot to kill.

Just as Shane is about to pull the trigger, Crybaby Carl comes out of nowhere packing heat and shoots Shane in the face. He dies, and Crybaby Carl hugs his dad, saying that killing living people is no the same as killing the kitties.

DAH END OF CHAPER ONE

Dictionary:

Kitties - Zombies

Atlantis Fuck You Whatever- Atlanta, Georgia

Billy Mayes - Hick that shot Rick (that rhymes)

Crybaby Carl - Rick's huge pussy of a son.

I'm going to continue this small thing soon.

Disclaimer: The Walking Dead is actually the greatest comic ever made, anything slandered in this story is purely for the base of comedy, nothing personal.

Comments

[Rainbow87dash]

I LOVE the Walking Dead It awesome

[acemanaustin00]

i think everything will turn out fine for you, but expect that everyone will use their choices of which storyline to use. You have a T.V show, a comic, and a video game. Despite the fact that there will be a lot of these, I believe only and elite few will be good. Is this one of them? Probably yes. extremely long comment over