As the times goes past Midnight here; · 11:41pm Oct 10th, 2017
The day is here... The day I lost my unborn child, 6 years ago.
I remember the events leading up to it like yesterday;
I was at my parent's house trying to relax after grinding through a mountain of college work, thinking that when I'm done - I'll be able to jump onto the job train to give my child the good life.
Then, I got a call from her stepdad. He said; "Don't panic, she woke up with a little blood and she's going through some pains, we're heading to the hospital. We'll meet you there."
I dropped everything and got my dad to get me to the hospital ASAP. He did his best to keep me calm but I couldn't help but worry, you know? When I got there, I received a text to head to the emergency ward, my dad went to park the car. I don't think I ever ran so fast in my life.
I got there and was told she was just taken through to have a scan. I held my breath as I charged into the room she was in. The scan was about to begin and the first thing I did was grab her hand and gave her a smile and said 'It's going to be alright.' ...Famous last words.
We waited, hoping, praying for what felt like an eternity as the doctor scanned her to find any signs of life... Not even one beat... Nothing...
Not even a kick in the balls would've hurt as much as that moment when we realized that we had lost our child. Hours passed, we wept, we told our loved ones and the two of us, me and my partner held each other so tightly. Weeks went by and I thought many different things;
- Was it my fault?
- Was I being punished?
- Do I deserve to be a father?
Took me a while but I managed to go through my day without breaking down into tears. I don't remember when.
And to think, I was only 19. Now, I'm nearly 25 with two beautiful children who I wouldn't trade anything in the world for.
What I want you to take from this is this, for any parent who's lost a child through miscarriage; It's not your fault.
Miscarriage is just as natural and could happen to anyone. But, just because you've lost one child, doesn't mean you shouldn't try for another. When you're ready when you truly want to try again, not out of grief but; out of mutual agreement, then go for it.
And for those of you who are dealing with the grief of losing a loved one then all you can do is remember; Remember them for who they were, how much you loved them and hold them in a special spot in your soul so that you always cherish them, even when they've passed on. They may be gone, but never forgotten.
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Thanks.
*hugs tightly*