Zaid Rants: Arkensaw Pinkerton's 'Fixing Up Miss Smartypants' - With Helpful Charts! · 5:05pm Oct 7th, 2017
Jesus Christ, this was one hell of a ride.
I stumbled upon 'Fixing Up Miss Smartypants' by Arkensaw Pinkerton years ago, and just as with everything else in my life, I threw it aside and told myself I'd get around reading it sooner or later. Well, I finally did and I'm still reeling from the experience.
You wouldn't think a story which barely breaks fifty thousand words would be that crazy, but if you've read my... uh, "reviews" before, you'll know I dont' write these about any story. I came expecting a fun and comfy romance about Twilight and Big Mac. Would you like to know what I didn't expect? Making lists and drawing diagrams to keep track of what's going on in a story to the point shinzakura and his love octahedrons would get a run for their money, but every once in a blue moon I find a story that merits the effort.
The synopsis should give you an idea of what the story will be about: Big Mac has a crush on Twilight and he wants to give her the Smartypants doll back as a way of starting the conversation and going from there. Perhaps not the most straightforward approach, but it gives a solid start. It also makes it clear everything won't go smoothly thanks to the timely intervention of AJ, Rarity, and the CMC. It's at this point that I should note that I am fine with sprucing up a romance story with a healthy dose of misunderstandings. Sure, I'll take a straightforward love story at any chance I get, but I've come to expect some shenanigans to go along with my romance.
Well, if romantic shenanigans were salt, then 'Fixing Up Miss Smartypants' would be a ruined land where nothing would ever grow again. Where do I even begin? You'd think "the beginning" would be a good place, but with as many established relationships, one-sided crushes, and unrequited feelings as this story has going from the get-go, I can't help but wonder if making a chronological list of events would make more sense.
Well, that's just too bad. You're going to experience this convoluted mess the same way I did. However, thanks to my inability to let things go, I will be guiding you along with some helpful charts. So buckle-up, boys, this one will be a doozy.
As mentioned before, this all starts pretty innocently: Big Mac likes Twilight.
He still has the Miss Smartypants doll from the Lesson Zero debacle, which he hopes can help him break the ice and serve as a starting point.He tells as much to Applejack, who isn't quite pleased since she had already envisioned a future where Big Mac brought Fluttershy to Sweet Apple Acres as a wife (more on that later).
Big Mac is quick to tell her that Fluttershy made it clear he was a great stallion, but she wasn't interested. AJ begrudgingly accepts this, and agrees to take the doll to Rarity so she can fix it up a little bit before he gives it back to Twilight.
That alone sounds like a decent enough premise for a romantic comedy full of hilarious misunderstandings and love triangles. Well, this isn't just any ol' romantic comedy.
You see, Rarity mistakes AJ's intentions and believes she's the one with a crush on Twilight. Her being Rarity in a romcom, means she immediately sets out to plan a fabulous date for her two friends, complete with dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant. All while keeping it a secret from Applejack, of course. It wouldn't do to spoil the surprise.
Of course, the Crusaders find out and decide to play match-makers in hopes of getting their cutie marks. Since Rarity is already taking care of AJ and Twilight, they decide to get Rarity and Rainbow Dash together. Aren't kids adorable?
Of course, that couldn't be the end of it... Oh, no. Soon enough, Spike arrives to Carousel Boutique to deliver some things to Rarity and she tells her to make sure Twilight is ready for her date that night. She tries to be secretive to hide AJ's alleged feelings, but this only leads Spike to believe Rarity is the one with a crush on Twilight.
Yeah...
Anyway, since there aren't enough layers, we soon find out that Dash does indeed like Rarity.
But thanks to the timely intervention of the CMC and a few well-placed letters, she thinks Rarity is going on a date with Twilight and she is playing a prank on her and lashes out at her.
Only to find out that she liked her back, and has now ruined her only chance with her!
Oh, and Ditzy is in love with Doctor Whooves, who isn't a thinly veiled expy of Doctor Who, but rather Ditzy and Big Mac's speech therapist.
Eeyup.
Speaking of Big Mac, he also finds out Rarity is supposed to go on a date with Twilight, and thanks to one of the CMC letters, he thinks Twi likes Rarity back.
Anyway, back to an earlier ship, we find that Fluttershy is interested in mares, and the reason why she always dropped by the farm was because she has a crush on Applejack.
How do we find out? Why it's a tender scene where she has a small heart to heart with Twilight that goes south quickly once AJ herself arrives and misunderstands the whole situation, leaving in an angry hurry and with Fluttershy thoroughly bummed.
Ah, but who would appear now but none other than the CMC! Ready to explain everything to Fluttershy! Does that mean that things will start resolving and wrapping up? Hell, no! It's only chapter three, after all.
So, doctor Whooves likes Ditzy back but blows his chance. AJ thinks Twi was seducing Fluttershy.
Granny Smith had a crush on Golden Harvest's grandma way back when.
Dash and Fluttershy dated a few years ago.
AJ thinks she may have been in love with Fluttershy all along.
And Pinkie is dating Vinyl Scratch.
Let's see, I think that's all. Now we can proceed to the next fleet of ships.
As I just said, Pinkie is seeing Vinyl, who has recently broken up with Pinkie's sister, Octavia. Which, depending on how long you've been involved with the fandom, is either completely random, or a blast from the past. Amazing how much can change in five years, huh?
Anyway, Pinkie hired Vinyl for a party. A huge, Ponyville-wide party where Lyra will propose to Bon Bon.
Oh, and she also got Octavia to perform there, and she just so happened to bring her new marefriend, Trixie.
Hey, remember how this all started s a TwiMac shipfic? Good times.
Anyway, seeing how we're still only halfway through the story, Pinkie starts setting things up to the finale in the most roundabout way possible with the aid of the CMC. By the way, it's here that we find out that Sweetie Belle has a crush on Spike.
There are a few more twists and turns, but good Lord, I don't want this to go on forever.
Pinkie invites Princess Luna (with whom she has been corresponding since the Nightmare Moon thing happened, i.e. Luna likes Pinkie)
She has her send letters to all her friends which leads Twilight to believe that her date is with Princess Luna, because every piece of written information only complicates things further, much like the fic itself.
Anyway, back to who was supposed to be the main character of this story, Big Mac finds out about some of the misunderstandings. Only some of them, of course, we wouldn't want to give everything a sensible solution, after all. And hurries to see... Rarity so they can clear things up about her fake date instead of, you know, talk to Twilight.
Rarity herself isn't faring too well after Dash broke her heart, and in a fit of ire, makes Doctor Whooves--who was trying to calm her down so Mac could talk to her--be her date to the event that night. One guess as to how that fares for him and Ditzy.
Anyway, we finally arrive at the party and Pinkie sets up Princess Luna with Twilight because she thought Twi wouldn't have a date.
Note that not once since Twi was asked out on a blind date, has anyone tried to talk with her about it
More misunderstandings happen, Twi actually had a bit of a crush on Mac.
But she sees him helping Ditzy find Dinky and thinks they're on a date.
Fluttershy believes she doesn't have a chance with AJ so agrees to be Trixie's companion for the night.
And then a bunch of convoluted shenanigans take place, and everypony ends with the ones they were supposed to.
...
What the actual hell.
The cover, summary and goddamned title tricked me into believing this would be a fun TwiMac story, but I think they probably had the least screentime. I mean, there is more time spent developing RariDash and AppleShy than in the supposed main pairing of the fic. Smartypants doesn't even get fixed, Trixie ends up taking it with her as she starts travelling again! Yeah, you thought that little Miss Smartypants in the last chart was a joke? Nuh-uh, the plot point that sets this whole maelstrom of love insanity in motion is mostly ignored for a big chunk of the story before the very end.
I want to disclose that I actually enjoyed the story. It was decently written and, while everyone acted as though a cloud of toxic fumes descended upon Ponyville from the Everfree Forest, their reactions feel in-character for the most part. My main gripe with the story is that it was filled to the brim with so much drama and ship teases that I found it hard to care as it neared its end. Hell, I even forgot to add how one of the CMC's letters led Dash to think Sweetie Belle had a crush on her for a chapter or so.
Honestly, you find yourself invested in the first set of couples introduced, but then the story keeps adding more, and more, and more, and there are so many misunderstandings, and it never really dwells in any of the established relationships before moving on to the next, and so many characters disregard chances to actually talk things out with each other and clear things up.
I mean, sure, if people actually were honest with their feelings, two thirds of the world's romance novels would cease to exist. However, there are moments when the perfect chance to talk about these problems presents itself and everyone ignores it, even when they know it's causing pain to others. Okay, I'll buy Pinkie Pie not saying anything because she has this multi-layered plan to get everyone together in the end, but what about everyone else? Big Mac, Doctor Whooves, Spike, Rarity, Dash, Derpy, they're all feeling miserable for a good chunk of the story and not once do they try to talk things out with the object of their affections after the initial misunderstanding. Hell, the few times anyone tries it results in even more misunderstandings.
This is similar to what I said in my rant on 'The Monster in the Twilight'. By adding more and more sideships which don't amount to much in the long run, the main plot just gets muddled and the story as a whole loses strength.
I came in for a fun TwiMac story, but I'll begrudgingly admit I stayed for the insanity. It's odd, because in one hand I feel robbed, but on the other, I felt I was losing my mind the more I read, and very few stories manage to elicit that reaction from me. For better or worse.
I guess that's it for this rant, I hope I don't have to make another one of these any time soon. And remember, sharing your feelings is wrong!
Well, that was very interesting.
I will confess, I'm rather fond of this story so I was expecting to either vehemently (though civilly) disagree with you or grudgingly admit to the story's flaws. However, while I don't think of the story in the same way as you, it seems like a fascinating example of how expectation and perspective can shape one's reading of a story.
Because the thing is, I read this story after being linked to it by someone (can't remember who) with a brief description of the sort of story it was, meaning I was expecting the shenanigans and the love... tentacled monstrosity the story ended up being about. And, going into it with that expectation, I thoroughly enjoyed its brain-twisting romantic cluster-bombs and the near-gordian knot of feelings, misunderstandings and relationships. I was thinking of it as more as a comedy of errors than a straight romance (though with plenty of that, too) and liked it as such.
Not that I'm saying you're wrong for not feeling the same. In fact, I can very well emapthise with your reaction and, honestly, I get the impression I'd feel much the same if I hadn't gone into it with the expectation I did. And, really, both expectations were perfectly reasonable given the description and comments around it. I just find it interesting how those differing expectations led to such different opinions.
That... probably made no sense, I apologize that was the case, just giving my thoughts on the matter.
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No, you're completely right. My strong reaction came out of the ideas I had about the story going in being shattered by the path the story took. Could you really blame me, though? Everything pointed towards it being a fun TwiMac romp. I didn't know the last line of the summary--"A comedy of errors launching a full fleet of ships."--would be more accurate to the actual contents of the story than the preceding lines.
For what's worth, though, I actually did enjoy the story, only for none of the reasons I wanted to. I enjoyed it the same way I enjoy watching multiple car crashes, blame it on my dad, he works researching traffic accidents, more to see how far things would go rather than any actual investment in the pairings. Which is a shame, because I really like some of the pairings in this story.
As I said, I feel as though I was losing my mind once I reached the more convoluted parts of the story, and I wouldn't have gotten invested to that point if this was a bad story. Maybe I would have enjoyed it more had I had the same mindset you did.
Either way, thanks for sharing your opinion.
That's fair, I did get that impression from the review. In fact, one of the reasons I like these posts (having recently discovered them, that is) is that, for the most part, you do seem to try to be fair to the stories in question. I'm a big believer in credit where it's due and you usually seem to give that.
As I said, neither opinion is right or wrong, but I think it's an interesting divergance
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I like to believe that too. Sure, you can measure the qualities and shortcomings of a story in objective ways, but as with all art, objectivity is not the best way to measure the impact of a story. I mean, how many people think of Citizen Kane as their favourite film?
Hell, there are fics that I absolutely adore but I'm well aware they also have problems of their own. My aim with these "reviews" is not to say "this story is good", or "this story is bad", but rather talk about the impression some stories have left in me and why I felt the way I did. I feel that can be a more compelling argument to read a story rather than simply giving it a numeric rating.