Story Review 1: The Changeling Trials

I like to read. Specifically, I like to read stories that are well done and draws me in.

Some of you may know that once or twice I’ve given a review on some stories. I like doing this, as I like not only thanking the authors for making the story but helping to point out areas where they could improve.

Now, I myself am not a perfect writer, but I have common sense and a feel for emotional exchanges. When I review stories, I try to separate the story into four categories. Characterization, Plot, Impact, and Grammar. Characterization and Grammar are worth three points when achieved perfectly, while Plot and Impact are worth two. When I finish the review, I add those points to give you a score between zero and ten.

The story I am reviewing today is called The Changeling Trials, by PastCat. It is a story that takes place roughly six months after A Canterlot Wedding, and depicts how the invasion of Canterlot has caused changes. Princess Luna takes the reins of straightening the mess out.

Let's begin.

Characterization

Characterization is in essence the ability to breathe life into a fictional entity. To achieve this purpose, one must not only assert that this character is alive, but that they have their own dreams, talents, flaws, and emotions. One must in effect become the character they are trying to create so as to understand how they would act and react to any given situation. The best way to tell when a writer has utilized characterization properly is to find yourself growing sympathetic and empathetic to the character portrayed. The reader will find themselves growing attached to the character, wanting to learn more about them and what drives them.

The first chapter of the story only depicts two characters, understandably so since they are essentially the main characters of the story. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. However, despite these two characters having pre-established personalities, this story builds slightly different personalities for them.

For instance, in canon Celestia is something of a merciful goddess, who hands out second chances far too easily to villains who could very easily use those chances to make a second attempt at conquering Equestria… and likely win.

In The Changeling Trials, Celestia’s very first scene is that of contemplation over Changeling petition forms, and doubts about whether or not Changeling deserve a chance to be heard.

That’s when Luna comes in, displaying a sense of cheer in her character at first, and then an immediate worry for her sister upon realizing how hard she is working. Luna assists her sister by taking on the Changeling petitions, and quite correctly argues that Celestia’s previous experience with Changelings would color her interaction with them, whereas Luna had little to no such experience, leaving her unbiased.

One character trait I noted in particular between these two is the odd lack of contractions in Celestia’s speech, whereas Luna, when not speaking in ye-olde Equish, makes frequent use of them. It’s an interesting characterization I found rather fitting, considering how Celestia is portrayed as the more serious and grounded of the two and Luna is the more fun-loving version.

From there on Luna becomes the star of the show, with frequent scenes depicting her speaking and interacting with Celestia instead of the other way around.

The only other thing I have to say is that a good amount of characters were introduced in the story, but only those who interacted with Luna often were really fleshed out.

I give a full score of three for this category. The important characters of the story were fleshed out quite well and with a good diversity, and even the background characters had a bit of development. But that’s it. There was enough detail to make it enjoyable, but not so much that it became a chore to read.

Plot

The plot of a story is the general progression of events and the overall culmination of drama, suspense, and thrill. A good enough plot can inspire readers, and draw them into whataver events are happening.

The plot of this story is actually fairly straightforward and easy to follow. While not all that dramatic, enough happens within the story that there is a discernible plot, and one that makes a good bit of sense.

Said plot revolves around what happens to the Changelings that were not, and in some case were, involved in the failed invasion of Canterlot. It starts off small, but with every Changeling Luna helps get back on track, more lore regarding the Changeling race is revealed.

Now, I do have one small bone to pick with the plot of The Changeling Trials. The basic plot is understandable, and I’m aware that lightheartedness was the goal of the story, but the resolution of it just felt off. I may be jaded, but it just felt like the ponies had accepted the Changeling too easily, especially since their first knowledge of the race was with them portrayed as biologically superior spies and saboteurs.

That were willing to go to war.

I don’t know about you, but the very idea of a race like that hiding somewhere in my country would make me at the very least very careful around people I don’t know intimately. I can only see this particular scenario getting a lot worse before it started getting better. Then again, ponies are generally more forgiving than humans.

But I bet they have their own share of idiots and bigots.

Other than that, the plot was overall fine. It was clear, it was believable, and it was fun to watch unfold. One point five out of two for this category.

Impact

The impact of a story is determined by how it’s overall moral and emotional hurdles would generally affect readers. Scoring regarding this topic is actually fairly difficult, if not flat out impossible to do accurately, because every single reader has different likes and dislikes. As such, my scoring will be based on how relatable to the real world the story is.

The most immediate and obvious connection between this story and real life that I drew was the fact that any and all Changelings found were rounded up into one singular location. Similar, but not the same, as concentration camps, as at least the Changelings weren’t abused and tortured. Starved, yes, but that was only because ponies had no idea how to actually feed a Changeling without endangering themselves.

Being the bleeding heart that I am, I was immediately sympathetic to the Changelings.

Another connection I made, believe it or not, was with Celestia and the fact that she is overworked. This is a very real and very prevalent issue in regards to leaders, and the way the author actually goes into detail about why Celestia is overworked is a nice realistic touch to the story.

The only other major connection between this story and real life I made was the personality diversity with the Changelings. The author went out of their way to establish that each Changeling was their own entity, with a moral compass and personality all their own. Of course, this detracts from the realism of them being a hivemind, but not by much, as the hivemind wasn’t very prevalent in the story.

All in all, the story has a solid impact, but not an overly large one. I give it a one out of two.

Grammar

Grammar is measured by the proper use of the English language.

Right off the bat I’m making a judgment call that old-style english is off limits to my judgment. I don’t understand it well enough to effectively do so.

To start off with, yes, there are grammatical errors and typos within this story. However, they are not a massive concern. The first chapter is the biggest offender of this category, as is the case with most stories, and only because occasionally I would find two people speaking in the same paragraph.

That’s a bit of a grammatical NOPE. The standard practice is to switch to a new paragraph when someone else begins speaking. Yes, that means prolonged conversations tend to produce short paragraphs, but that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it helps pad the length of the story.

However, with every new chapter the grammar improved, showing that this author was still learning, and handily applying these lessons to their work. That alone is congratulatory, but unfortunately does not remove the fact that a good chunk of the story is a bit of an eyesore in terms of grammar. I give Grammar a one point five out of three.

Final Score an Comments

All in all, The Changeling Trials is an interesting look into a, in my opinion, underused concept in MLP fan fiction. Not only that, but it also gives Luna a chance to shine, and shine she does. My hat is tipped to you PastCat. This story wasn't perfect, but it didn't need to be to make it enjoyable.

The final score is 7/10.