Two Background Ponies Quickie: "Triple Threat" Aftermath

On one of the unoccupied public benches in Ponyville, a blue stallion with an oddly shaped Cutie Mark let out an exhale as he took a load off. After easing in, he loosened his saddlebags and put them to one side before pulling out a paper bag from the local Hayburger. He pulled out the main course for his Royale with Cheese meal, unwrapped it, and held it up to take a bite...

...When a green stallion's hoof slapped him in the back of the head, causing him to not only take too big of a bite and nearly choke on it, but knocking the rest out of his hooves to the ground. He immediately coughed and hacked until he managed to get it up, then angrily whirled around to see his friend standing behind him.

"Dude! What the hell?! Why did you do that?!"

"Oh, sorry about that, Sam." He answered, pulling up a box of giant chocolate chip cookies and handing him one. "Here. You can have this for lunch instead. On me."

Sam blinked as he absent-mindedly accepted the cookie, looking down at it and then back up to him. "...I don't want a cookie for lunch, dude. I wanted a hayburger, and I bought a hayburger. And my head still hurts!"

Immediately, he reached out with two Trotinol. "There you go."

Now Sam gave him a really odd look, before snatching them out of his hoof. "Carl, what the...?"

Yet before he could answer, Carl looked up and saw another pony walking out of Sugarcube Corner; this one balancing a two-tiered cake box on her back as she slowly made her way onto the street. Immediately, he ran over to her and kicked out with his hooves, tripping her. Giving a cry, she spilled forward and landed hard, knocking the cake off and splattering it all over her own head. Soon, she was in a chocolaty mess and horrified.

Immediately after, Carl reached out and, before she knew what was happening, she got helped up to her feet. She turned to him in a mixture of shock and surprise, before he took out an amount of bits and put them in her hooves. "No worries. There, that'll pay for a replacement cake."

The mare continued to stare at him. "This cake was custom-ordered for my foal's 5th birthday party! It starts in an hour!"

Yet the green stallion was already gone, this time to another mare tending a flower box with a watering can. Suddenly, he snapped around and lashed out with his rear hooves, smashing the box hard enough to make the bottom drop out. The mare gaped as she saw the flowers get dumped to the ground, but cried out when she saw Carl lean over and eat the tops off of them as well.

"My...my Petunias!"

"Not a problem." Carl said as he walked up to her, reaching into his own saddlebags and coming out with a packet of flower seeds, handing them over. "There you are. Now you get to experience the joy of growing them again!"

The mare flushed in anger. "These are Morning Glory seeds! They aren't even the right flower!"

Sam was aghast. "Carl, are you high or something?"

"No, Sam." He answered, turning back to him and walking over. "I'm becoming the best friend in Ponyville."

The blue stallion stared open-mouthed a moment. "...You're wrecking everything and making everypony angry and miserable!"

"Exactly! That's all part of the Spike Method of Being a Good Friend!"

"...The what?"

"I might be constantly going around causing misery to others through my own thoughtlessness and/or mistakes, but I'm always the one who fixes them in the end, so that makes me a good friend! It works all the time for that dragon! He made everyone feel happy when he came back from running away from home...when the reason he ran away was because everyone was upset for him acting like a jealous jerk and trying to frame an owl for a crime! Everyone loved how he helped Rarity regain herself from that cursed book...which he found and gave to her in the first place! All the ponies were happy when he got them to realize that they were all Equestrians...after he got them all upset at each other to begin with by mismanaging their group conference! All that matters is that I fix problems! If I caused them to begin with, it just gives me the opportunity for more things to fix!"

Sam stared at him with a deadpan look. "That's one of the dumber ideas you've ever had. Besides, Spike does more than that! He saved the entire Crystal Empire twice!"

Now Carl gave the green stallion a deadpan look. "That's another thing... He carried the Crystal Heart 50 feet before dropping it and he melted a slow-falling cloud that might have hit five ponies at the most. If he becomes a national hero for that, I deserve a statue too!"

The blue stallion groaned and rolled his eyes. "Well, at least that meeting earlier today went pretty well, and that was his doing. He provided a chance for the Changelings and dragons to get together and both make each other better rulers by learning from one another, and that helps everyone."

While he was finishing speaking, an insectoid "fluttering" was heard overhead, and both ponies looked up just in time to see the rainbow-colored body of King Thorax finish sailing overhead before coming in for a landing up the street, closer to the town gazebo, just as Mayor Mare was coming out. He touched down next to her soon after.

"Oh, mayor, mayor! Glad I ran into you! I was talking with the other Changelings and we agreed we wanted to build a new hive in a better location, so I was wondering if we could have the entire eastern burrough of Ponyville as a good nesting spot! Don't bother tearing down the buildings. We'll chew them up to make the resin pulp for the structure."

The mayor stared back rather uneasily at the giant bugpony. "Um, well...I'm afraid I'll have to say no to that, your majesty. I don't think many of the town's residents would be keen on a forced relocation..."

Thorax looked up and tapped his chin a moment. "Hmm...now, what was that Ember said about dealing with people who don't agree with you...? Oh, I got it!" He looked back at her. "Let me say that differently." He frowned and leaned his head in, touching his snout to hers. "Let us have the eastern burrough or I'll inject you with a paralyzing venom that will slowly liquefy your insides."

The mayor turned white as a sheet. "Ok, ok! Whatever you say!"

The Changeling King leaned up with a smile. "That was easy! That was better advice than I thought! You know, maybe our old queen had a point with some of her methods!" He lit up in delight. "Maybe I should try impersonating a stallion and marrying an Equestrian princess! Flurry Heart will reach reproductive maturity in 2 years, right?"

Sam and Carl both watched this, as did many other surrounding ponies, with progressively more unease.

"Uh..."

"Well...at least we know the dragons will be better, right...?"

Another whoosh was heard overhead, this time as a small blue dragon slammed down on the ground to the mayor's other side, making her recoil in more fear than before. From the cracked ground, Ember rose up and addressed her.

"Hello Derpy. One of the other dragons thought our hoard was getting low and wanted to invade Equestria to replenish our loot. Normally I would have beat him down into submission, but I handled it more gracefully, discussed our respective feelings, and we decided on a compromise. We're just going to loot Ponyville and eat the rest of that delicious welcoming castle you all made for us. Now..."

She put a clawed arm around the trembling mayor and leaned in closer.

"I just want to say that if you or anyone else tries to do anything to stop us...I will feel so angry that I will melt your faces right off your skulls. Glad I got that out of my system."

She released and took off into the sky again...right before the entire city of Ponyville screamed in terror as dragonfire began to rain down from the skies to incinerate the buildings. As flames and death began to light up all around them, Sam and Carl were left sitting on the public bench dully staring out into space.

"...I hate dragons, Sam."

"Me too, Carl."

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Yeah, this one definitely has some issues. Personally, I want to hear the Map's interpretation of how Spike "solved" his friendship problem.

[Piccolo Sky]

4641598
Well, I did notice that the friendship problem only "popped up" after Spike had split the two up. And apparently a dragon's version of a Cutie Mark are their dorsal scales.

That poor muffin.