Why I'm Here · 4:54am Apr 13th, 2017
I've decided to broach this topic for the first time since signing up to this site over a year ago.
I've been writing for almost as long as I can remember, deciding fairly early on that writing is what I want to do. That really hasn't changed much, and it's been years since I came to that realization.
I've been writing fanfiction on ff.net ever since 2009, when I reached the age I was 'allowed' to post stuff (lying about my age didn't occur to 12 year old me). I haven't really had much success with that. Most of my work is lucky to reach a hundred hits, and maybe a review or two.
There are several exceptions to this, but the big one is why I basically started writing MLP exclusively, and why I signed up here under a different username with no mention to where else I've written before.
When I was 16, I wrote a How to Train Your Dragon story that would change my life. It is still my most viewed, commented on, favourited, followed, etc story ever. I had originally posted the story to receive constructive criticism, and what I got was unending praise and screeching 'MOAR's. It was...interesting.
It was very different than anything I'd experienced. I had people complementing my work and telling me they liked what I was doing. If I posted a chapter before going to bed, it wouldn't be surprising to wake up to 60 notifications about people interacting with my story.
And not one person said anything about what could be improved. All comments were praise and variations of 'UPDATE MORE'. So I did. For the next two years I did little other than update the story that everyone seemed to love. I poured my being, my soul, and my tears into it. I used it as a crutch. I went to very personal subjects, and put them into the story for no other reason than I needed an outlet.
40 chapters. It's the longest thing I've ever written that I've actually completed. When I hit 'submit' on the final chapter, and edited the story properties to read 'complete', I remember sitting at my computer and sobbing. I was relieved, I was exhilarated, and I loved the fact I'd accomplished something. I used my remaining good mood to plow through writing the first two chapters for a promised sequel.
Then, the high wore off. I was burnt out, from real life and from writing. In spite of everything, I still didn't get any constructive criticism
People still sent me messages, but they had taken a darker tone. The longer it took for updates to happen, and the fact I didn't just post an author's note chapter, had people angry. I got death threats, flames, and just the worst of people. 90% of it was anonymous, the other 10% was done through phony accounts people created for the sake of being assholes to others.
I could sit in front of my computer, and type out a few sentences, but I couldn't even think about writing anything HTTYD related without getting anxious. These people couldn't physically hurt me, but I was still scared.
So, I told myself that so long as I wrote something, I would be happy. So I did. I toyed around with other fics that I'd been neglecting, I wrote some original stuff, and even just screwed around with some prompts and whims and stuff. Then, I got introduced to MLP WG, and I was interested.
I'm fairly certain I've mentioned the fact that WG doesn't turn me on. I'm asexual as fuck, so nothing really gets me physically interested. I just enjoy the aesthetics of things. I find the fact that some people prefer fat people to skinny people to heart. I'm fairly heavy myself, and it's comforting.
Anyway, I met some people Squishy Luna, Astrozone, PhealGud, Lupin Quill, Mad n Evil, and about a dozen other people. We chatted over live-streams. I chat with Squishy Luna and PhealGud almost daily. And one day, I decided why not? I wrote some WG fic for the first time.
No expectations. No worries. It was fun, and free, and it was a challenge because I never wrote anything similar before. I posted a few chapters of Captured to tumblr, but then I remembered that this site was a thing. I signed up, started posting, and haven't looked back.
Whether its weight gain fic, or Marjoram, or anything else, I've gotten more feedback for my 8 stories here than I have gotten on my 30 over on fanfiction.net. I get outstanding praise, but people here seem to be more willing to tell me when things aren't as good as they could be. I have a beta-reader now which is more than I've ever received.
No expectations, no worries. No death threats. No being mean in general. My experience here on fimfiction has been much better than it has been on ff.net. That's why I'm here. That's how I started posting to this site and this is why I'll continue to do so.
This has all been a major security blanket for me, and I just thought it would be good to thank everyone who has helped me move past my previous experience.
So thank you. Thank you all.
Nice to hear that you've found a place where you can be yourself, improve and where death threats aren't a daily thing.