Epic Rap Battle Challenge! · 1:22am Sep 28th, 2012
Inspired by this comment right here and subsequent others.
I think I shall begin by saying that the odds are all against you.
Your mind and logic can't prepare for what I'm about to do.
My words will have an effect on you about as large as my own ego.
And for those of you who know me well, you know that's saying a crapload.
I'm too creative for your mind to even begin to comprehend.
I bet you're shaking in your seat at the mind-blowing that's about to commence.
Don't think I'll be beaten easily, my diction is made of steel.
By the end of this, shame and awe is the only thing you'll feel.
Wow, this rhyming stuff isn't that hard. I could easily write Zecora.
I could easily be a poet. Heh, fits me as well as a fedora.
Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah! You all are going down!
So reply down in the comments below, the rapping starts right now!
(Note: my replies may take a bit. Say, probably a day at most.
At least when I'm not writing "Good Night, Everypony!" This'll sure be fun to host!)
My work now begins. The notes and their kin have gathered together once more.
The framework arrives, black lines counting five: what's known as a musical score.
First, time is etched in. Four, then four again, the meter has now been transcribed.
Another score formed and with time is adorned, two sets across a divide.
Now, the Clefs must be placed. Up, Treble. Down, Bass. The range you'll now make clear.
Next, the scores shall be primed. Lone and double bar lines, make your stand! The time is near!
Now fly, notes, fly with your flags waving by, your heads in tone resolved.
And now, you rests, fill up what's left within these measured walls.
My order's sent. The instruments, with textures each their own,
Are assembled and assembled, while I stand out front. Alone.
Downbeat! Superb! Let sound reverberate! Melody, shine!
And finally, in harmony, the song complete is mine!
My host, Abyx, you'd best be quick. Your time is almost gone,
For now the Orchestra of Order shall take you on!
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Ah, a reply! It seems you have accepted.
I'm glad that you have taken up what everyone else neglected.
So you say you are a composer, for an orchestra at that.
Well you better hope that my rhymes only leave your notes falling flat.
I'll rate your song critically, by that I mean critically low.
You probably thought you were fortissimo when you just sounded piano.
You thought that sounded like harmony? That it sounded like a song?
I only heard noise, and what it sounded like was wrong.
My words will hit you hard enough to leave your ears ringing.
Leave your brain broken and your mind stinging.
I'm a master of the written word, you'll see that I'm a pro.
I guarantee, when I'm through your pride will decrescendo.
If you still think I can be beaten, you must be hitting the wrong pitches.
I assure you that this endeavor will only leave you in stitches.
Time is not a problem for me, I never miss a beat.
My interest is what you should worry about, now reply before it fleets.
Is that all, pray tell? Then very well, I don't see this lasting long
If you think you might just win this fight by just taking cracks at song.
Your creativity is thin; this I can plainly see,
Devoting almost all you post to simply mocking me.
Are you trying to rile me into making a mistake?
Mere words are not enough to get me in my boots to quake.
My poise is indestructible, a gentlestallion's wall.
Your inconsistent rhyming meter cannot make it fall.
You'll see no seasoned poet making that pure greenhorn blunder.
Your lines must keep a beat, or you'll just tear your work asunder.
Now that's a real critique, you see, it offers sound advice.
Are you paying close attention? I wont say this twice.
So heed my words, you novice, you're just wasting both our time
If you say writing poetry means just, "It all must rhyme."
With that I'll pass it back to you. Please, go on. Do your best.
Throw anything you want at me; I'm ready. Be my guest.
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Ah, I see your game now, it's not just mere rap.
Your styling up your words into a poetry trap.
If that's the way you want to play, then fine. I shall accept.
I'll show you just how good I am, you won't find me inept.
These words flow from my head to the hand with fast, but fluid time.
Throughout this word fight, I shall show you the power that is mine.
The keyboard is my brush, and the comment box, my canvas.
This masterpiece I now create with the art of my stanzas.
With my fingers flying across the keys, my mind is working quick.
To show you that these rhymes are not just a mere trick.
They're creations of sophistication, showing the potential of the brain.
Especially when it's mine being your current mental bane.
The beat I keep is simple and it doesn't ever stray.
If insults aren't what your looking for then I won't go that way.
So now do you think you can keep up, since I've stepped it up a level?
Give your response quickly or in your failure I shall revel.
That's actually much better; you might yet pose a threat,
But don't think that my compliments mean that I'm finished yet.
Now that the field is level, let the true battle begin,
And when it's through we'll see just who will lose and who will win.
This fight will be my masterpiece of lyrics yet, not yours.
My song, my style shall make you reel from my sheer sonic force.
I'm glad you ditched your insults, though; they just got in your way.
Rhyming with respect, I've found, is how the game should play.
You'll test my writing prowess just as much as I'll test yours,
And once we're done, just one will be left writhing on the floor.
This fight is picking up in speed to quite the fevered tempo,
But I'll take your hits in stride like I've been doing from the get-go.
Can you truly do without your insults? How long can you last?
This battle could drag on, you know; you'd best be thinking fast.
It's your turn now, no pressure. Be sure that you don't choke.
I'll count it my first victory when your momentum's broke.
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I don't require insults just to get my thoughts across.
Bragging is all I need to insure you of your loss.
But this is not mere narcissism, I assure you, it's the truth.
And with it, I'm sure, no doubt in mind, that I'll beat you without ruth.
To many, I am known as a Gary Stu in reality.
With exception of the charming looks and oh-so-dull personality.
I can master almost anything, with just a bit of practice.
And I don't have the drawbacks of an audience's malice.
So tell me, Orchestra, you're a stallion of class.
But do you have charisma that can trump the brashest of the brash.
I always flaunt my ego, yet everyone still loves me.
There's not a single individual that I would call an enemy.
I don't even consider you one. You are simply an opponent.
I'm sure we could be friends if we weren't battling at the moment.
In fact, I'll be the better man and extend my hand in truce.
I'd say you'd earn a watch if you help end this word abuse.
I must admit, I also feel this duel has run on long.
I accept. It's nigh time we end this game of boasts and song.
It's been quite fun, in fact; you have been quite the worthy foe.
This fight has gotten "Epic" with the trading of our blows.
Through these words we've learned much more of one another's skills
Than many other rivals just out looking for a kill.
I've learned that, though you may be brash, you're reasonable as well.
I hope I've taught you something new, though what I couldn't tell.
Perhaps it was the list of all the aspects of music?
It wasn't just a ploy to make my comment look more slick.
If you can find all six and note me with the correct list,
I'll let you choose my first project; of course with just one twist.
Your choice must come from my blog post, where I've laid them out.
They're vague, but you can choose the one you want to read about.
With that I'll stop this game of prose. Our battle ends in tie.
Our truce I'm sure I shall enjoy. Thank you, Abyx. Goodbye.
I apologize if I may not get them all (I also apologize for taking too long, I was busy and stuff).
1. The Time Signature
2. Umm... the two Clefs? I think there's a word for it, but I don't know what.
3. The Measures
4. Notes and Rests?
5. Dynamics
I know I should know this. I'm in Symphonic and Jazz Band right now. As well as a general Band 6-year vet.
As for what you should do, I have seen your blog post. One of them I've already been working on without the knowledge that you had the idea as well.
What I've seen here has proven to me that you are obviously VERY good in writing, so I want to propose something. I'm REALLY bad at keeping up with schedules as well as my ideas, so what I'm asking you is that you be a co-author for the fic that I've started (and seem to have a hard time continuing) that you also had an idea for. If you don't know which fic it is, here you go. You and I could collaborate with the ideas that we've had and create a masterpiece. I can also lack a bit in the style of humor that it calls for, so having two writers means a fallback plan.
So, what do you say?