A Poem · 3:11am Jan 20th, 2017
I used to have an account on the Young Writers' Society website. Well, I say used to, but I never deleted it, so I suppose it's still there. All the same, all I ever wrote for it was two poems, neither of any artistic merit. Anyway, I was looking through old memorandums (memoranda?) on an older-still 'phone of mine, and happened across a fragment of a poem. It seems I'd tried to write a short, humorous verse for each month of the year, then got stuck. I don't have a very clear memory of writing it, but it's vaugely amusing, I suppose, even if it doesn't make a great deal of sense. In any case, I've typed it up for you. Have a look, if you like. Oh, one more thing: the account was under the name QuantumDice - a clever reference to a science-fiction obscurity.
In January, it snows.
My toes is froze.
My nose glows.
And sometimes flows.
It only goes to show,*
I suppose.
In February things is cold
And old
And holed
And covered in mould,
Or so I'm told.
Coal is sold.
In March, with any luck,
A single duck
Will cluck**
And muck
Around in muck
Looking for tuck.
These rhymes suck.
April showers
For hours
And hours
And hours
And hours
And hours
And hours
And hours
And hours
And hours,
While the sky glowers
And a cloud towers.
Ergo, flowers.
Mayday=
Gayday!
Hoorayday!
I mean to sayday,
What a funday!
But always Monday;
Never Sunday.
I wonday
Why?
June***
Is fune
But there's never much sune.
In July, a young quantum, named Dice,
Claimed "I'll knock off a poem in a trice!"
But the poem's worn on
Till his sanity's gone,
Sing pantry sun griddle fhrm scrice.
And that's as far as I got. I think the last line recalls the poetry robot from Stanislaw Lem's The Cyberiad. Absurdist nonsense, from beginning to premature end. Thanks for taking the time to read it, all the same. Oh, dear me, I almost forgot the footnotes, which were part of the original, and do add some rationality to it. One of them contains a line stolen from Major Dennis Bloodnok, but I doubt whether Spike Milligan will mind.
*Oh blow!
So close.
**Anyone who doubts the logistics of this will find himself in dire... well anyway, my brother is a wrestler and my aunt is a policeman.
***How pushed for time and space do you have to be to shorten 'June' to 'Jun'?
And that really is it. Thanks again for reading! Don't hesitate to ask questions, if you want something clearing up.
Ever yours,
- The Minister