• Member Since 1st Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 9th, 2017

The Minister of Scones


"You can use that cupboard over there labelled 'Good French Things'. It's empty."

More Blog Posts41

  • 242 weeks
    All About Threats

    I read that scientists, by using magnets, had 'turned off' the threat centres in people's brains, and that this made them 'change their attitudes towards immigrants.' Obviously, the stunning revelation that people don't like immigrants because they feel threatened by them is one that will echo down the ages as a revelation made possible only by scientific brilliance, but given that such

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    2 comments · 364 views
  • 244 weeks
    A Blog Post But as Soon as I Start Getting Grumpy I Stop Typing

    One thing I've noticed a lot of around YouTube recently is videos with 'X but Y' titles. You know, things like 'Dragon Ball Z but every time we see people screaming at each other in a desert the video speeds up', or 'Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart but it's a Pokemon boss-battle theme'. With this in mind, is there any chance of seeing 'Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones but every time Hayden

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  • 246 weeks
    An American Fail?

    Apparently the British satirical magazine Private Eye is now listed on numerous 'fake news' sites for having covers like this:

    This, coupled with the existence of the show Friends, leads me to the conclusion that comedy is a largely unpractised art in the USA.

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    13 comments · 378 views
  • 248 weeks
    DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!

    I've seen the phrase "Don't read it if you don't like it!" written on quite a lot of fanfictions lately. Granted, I've been seeking out the truly awful ones (sorting the chaff from the wheat, as it were) for my personal collection, so that might explain why I've seen so much of it. Read on for my thoughts.

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    6 comments · 454 views
  • 249 weeks
    50(ish) Followers!

    As I've reached 50 followers, here's a thank you video. Well, slideshow with me talking over the top. Don't quibble, Horatio. A lot of this seems to be because Somepony Tries to Sell Twilight Insurance has just been posted on FIMFiction as part of the Royal Canterlot Library collection. I am, understandably, chuffed to bits.

    3 comments · 275 views
Feb
24th
2017

DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT! · 8:58pm Feb 24th, 2017

I've seen the phrase "Don't read it if you don't like it!" written on quite a lot of fanfictions lately. Granted, I've been seeking out the truly awful ones (sorting the chaff from the wheat, as it were) for my personal collection, so that might explain why I've seen so much of it. Read on for my thoughts.


Let's just take a moment to appreciate the genius of that. "Don't read it if you don't like it." Problem very much solved. I have, in the past, had problems with people who would read my stories, not enjoy them, and then post comments criticising them. Some of it wasn't even constructive criticism! (For the avoidance of doubt, the current fanfiction definition of 'constructive criticism' is criticism which is almost entirely composed of compliments, and refers to the only flaw it finds in your work as "a very minor niggle.") Not any more, though! From now on, all I need do is append to the story's description those few magic words. Indubitably, anyone seeing this handy phrase will instantly use his psychic powers to glance into the possible future, and discover whether or not he will enjoy the story, before, as the case may be, promptly moving on to pastures new.

Why let it stop there? Instead of content warnings, all we need is the phrase "Don't buy it if you don't like it." Fizzy drinks could be enhanced with, in the place of a quality guarantee, the phrase "Don't drink it if you don't like it." Instead of a blurb or a review, all we need on the back of a book is "Don't read it if you don't like it."

Whole new strides in the world of medicine could be made! "Don't take it if it will cause side-effects." Job done. "Don't eat this if it will cause your wind-pipe to swell up and asphyxiate you." Hoorah! Politcians could be elected under the banner "Don't vote for me if you don't like what I'm going to do as soon as I'm in power." The phrase "Be careful what you wish for," will become a thing of the past!

Thank goodness for those writers who feel the need to put that at the tops of their stories. They will be remembered. And not just because I almost always add them to my collection of 'so bad they're good' stories, either.

Comments ( 6 )

Warning: Sarcasm
DON'T LIKE DON'T READ

4435240 I feel like I've missed out on a lot by only watching The Original Series.

4435295 Yes, yes you did. Don't watch Voyager though.

4441212 I have been warned against such. And against the reboot films. Not that I was going to watch those anyway. Actually, now that I've seen every episode of Blake's 7, I could do with a replacement. Maybe it's time to buy a bleep-ton of Star Trek!

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