The 50 Worst Inventions - Fourth 10 · 7:58pm Nov 3rd, 2016
TIME - From the zany to the dangerous to the just plain dumb, here is TIME's list (in no particular order) of some of the world's bright ideas that just didn't work out. These are numbers 31-40.
31. SONY CD COPY-PROTECTION
In the days before iTunes, record labels tried all sorts of wacky protections to stop people from pirating music. The dumbest innovation belonged to Sony, which hard-coded software into CDs in 2002 to prevent listeners from copying tracks to a computer. The only problem? The software could be easily defeated by using a permanent marker to draw a border along the edge of a disk, rendering the expensive barrier useless. Good luck banning markers, Sony.
32. VENETIAN-BLIND SUNGLASSES
Between his awful singing, awful telethon moments and awful award-show moments, there's a case for Kanye West's personal inclusion on this list. Instead, we'll simply blame him for repopularizing the most awful sunglasses ever. A trend in the '80s, these slatted sunglasses were dead and buried until West sported them in his 2007 music video for "Stronger," introducing a new generation of style morons to an utterly pointless and functionless accessory.
33. PET SPA
It's a washer and dryer — for your pet. Covered hilariously by CBS News in 2004, Pet Spa was a hands-free way to wash your cat or dog. Luckily for them, most people are still doing it the old-fashioned way.
34. PONTIAC AZTEK
It's not the car — it's the aesthetics. Though it was launched in 2001 with the tagline "Quite possibly the most versatile vehicle on the planet," its drivers had a different take: the Aztek was quite possibly the ugliest vehicle on the planet. Pontiac kept the car around until finally mercy killing it in 2005, but this was one idea that should have been left buried in the jungle.
35. SNUGGIE FOR DOGS
We can understand the functionality of the Snuggie. It makes sense that you'd want your arms to stay warm yet still be able to grab the remote or a soda. But a dog Snuggie? While the product's ad whines that dogs' traditional sweaters "pull! And they're tight!," we draw the line. Dogs simply do not need Snuggies.
36. MIZAR FLYING CAR
The flying car isn't purely science fiction. In the 1940s, inventors managed to fly a car from California to Ohio, although the model never took off because of cost and technical limitations. But in 1973, an inventor named Henry Smolinski tried to succeed where others failed by strapping the wings and tail from a Cessna aircraft to, of all cars, a Ford Pinto. During a test flight in California, the Pinto broke free, plummeting to earth and killing Smolinski and his passenger. Some things are better left to the movies.
37. ASBESTOS
At first glance, asbestos appears to be a construction worker's confidant. It is a versatile mineral fiber that excels at absorption and can withstand the harshness of heat. But when floor tiles or roof shingles need to be repaired or replaced, asbestos morphs into a homeowner's headache. Those same strong fibers that drive a building's start can turn nasty during remodeling or demolition stages. Inhaling the toxic particles in that state causes asbestosis — a condition instigated by fibrosis in the lungs, sparking chest pain, shortness of breath, nail abnormalities, clubbing of fingers and other complications. With those factors in mind, the EPA issued a ruling on July 12, 1989, banning most asbestos-containing products. But two years later, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans overturned that decision, leaving only some products on the banned list: flooring felt, rollboard and corrugated, commercial and specialty paper. When a substance makes its way into the federal government's Agency for Toxic Substances & Disease Registry, something was wrong to begin with.
38. OLESTRA
When it comes to nutrition, what better equation could there be than zero calories, zero grams of cholesterol and zero grams of fat? In January 1996, the FDA approved olestra as a food additive. Cut out the unhealthy cooking oil. Shred the package of shortening. Bury the stick of butter. Frito-Lay was among the first companies to jump on board, introducing its WOW! division of potato chips in 1998 to claim fat-free stomach satisfaction. But olestra proved to be a greedy chemical. It not only removed unwanted fat from foods but also negated the body's ability to absorb essential vitamins. Side effects included cramps, gas and loose bowels, turning fat-free French fries into a foiled business fad. The FDA has kept olestra as a legal food additive to this day, though, leaving its health implications in the hands of individual consumers.
39. COMFORT WIPE
It's no wonder the late, great Billy Mays never signed on to deliver this infomercial. In an ever changing landscape of home products, toilet paper remained relatively stable. Seth Wheeler is credited with first patenting rolled, perforated bathroom tissue in the late 19th century. But the makers of the Comfort Wipe disagreed with the 100-plus years of toilet-paper success. Shaking up the sanitation sector, TeleBrands introduced an extension arm and holder to help individuals spooked by coming into contact with a soiled piece. The clean tissue attached itself to a wand that added up to 18 inches of reach, and a release button at the end of the handle took care of the rest. Apparently, the ad's "don't be embarrassed" tag applied more to TeleBrands than to consumers, as the company discontinued the product in June 2009 before it was ever brought to the market. Wipe, flush, match — toilet paper.
40. FAKE PONYTAILS
Really, this entry could be for hairpieces in general, but the fake ponytail is particularly egregious. Doesn't matter how much money you spend on it — everyone can tell it's fake. (Well, at least that it isn't yours. Some are produced with real human hair.) Bonus points for bad taste if the fake ponytail is worn by a man.
