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Shadow of the Night


Just a big, tall dumbass that is trying to write words as soon as possible... And loves games. A lot. Also, I enjoy Roleplay. Feel free to PM me about it.

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Oct
14th
2016

ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS · 5:22pm Oct 14th, 2016

Oh, wait. You don't know what Orks are?

Well, I can help fill in some gaps.

The Orks were created by the Old Ones (god-like beings) as the perfect warrior race for fighting the Necron and C'Tan during the War in the Heavens. They are an odd mix of fungi and living being; they reproduce by sporing, especially upon dismemberment or death. This means that once they're at a place, you can never get rid of them unless you either burn everything to the ground or destroy the planet because Grimdark. That or you wait for everything to go to hell as thousands turn into hundreds of thousands and those turn into tens of millions that utterly fucking stomp everyone.

The average Ork is called a Boy. They're usually seven feet tall at minimum, and that's mainly because they're hunched over the entire time. They're strong enough to tear people in half without much effort, and Orks are so durable that modern day assault rifles would be equivalent to venomless bee stings to your run of the mill Boy. In fact, they're capable of functioning without hearts because their arteries will do the work of the heart for them. No, I'm not kidding.

Orks live with a caste system that centers around sheer strength. Gretchin and Snotlings are at the bottom, Boyz are higher up, Nobz go up higher, and Warbosses/Warlords are the leader. Their economy is based on "teef-" their teeth. It's actually an incredibly efficient system, as the rotting of teef prevents Orks from hoarding it like greedy gits.

The Orks are not intelligent by any means, but they make up for this in a very special way. You see, a lot of their weapons and vehicles and... anything they make really almost never work when used by anything other than an Ork. The reason for this is that all Orks are latently psychic; this gestalt is known as the WAAAGH! field. The WAAAGH! is basically powered by the idea of Clap Your Hands If You Believe! That is, if the Orks think something can work, it oh most definitely will the majority of the time. This includes weapons that arenothing more but bundles of gears thrown together internally- as in, no firing mechanism, no trigger, nothing- firing for over thirty minutes because the Orks think they have enough ammo. In one incident, an Ork with a Big Shoota kept a group of Imperial Guardsmen pinned down for two hours without reloading once. His weapon was opened to find that it had no trigger, no magazine, an ass-backwards firing mechanism, and... That's it, really. The weapon worked because the Ork believed it would. In significant numbers, almost nothing is impossible for the WAAAGH! field to accomplish, such as spaceships taking off with no fuel whatsoever and flying across star systems without being refueled.
I'm gonna have to quote TVTropes' 40K Nightmare Fuel page for some more info; it says some things better than I ever could.

Orks fight. That's it. That's all. And they love it. An Ork has no ambition, no goal, no dream beyond the next scuffle or skirmish or planetary invasion. Their entire society is geared around nothing but warfare, an endless cycle where they conquer more places to gather more loot to build more weapons to kill more people to conquer more places to gather more loot, ad infinitum. The only reason they haven't crushed the galaxy under their heel millennia ago is because they enjoy fighting each other more than they do anyone else.

What's scarier than an Ork that raise an army for fun? How about an Ork that has a plan? That has the smarts to unite the Orks and could probably conquer the whole galaxy if he mustered the numbers? Scary thought, eh? Meet Warlord Ghazhkull Mag Uruk Thraka.

The Orks have an incredible regeneration factor, to the point that a limb that's been nailed back on or a head that's been sown back on will soon be good as new in at least a minute or two.

There are six major Ork Klanz. These are the Goffs, no nonsense Orks who tend to be da biggest and 'ardest, the Evil Sunz, who worship vehicles and are massive cutaway of Da Kult of Speed, the Bad Moons, who form a kind of Ork nobility and take pride in shiny weapons and such, the SnakeBites, who prefer traditional stuff to technology, the Blood Axes (my personal favorite,) who tend to be the most intelligent Orks and use both tactics and camouflage (including retreating) and are hated by the other Ork Klanz for it, and the Deathskulls, who like looting and stealing things. A lot.

For more info, click these links:

The Lexicanum's article on Orks.

The 40K wiki's page on them.

TVTropes' page on da fightiest gitz dere ever waz.

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Comments ( 8 )

BURN THE XENOS FILTH!!!!!!!!!

ok, this look like you are gong to make a orks story

4255566

Actually, no. I'm just a massive fan of the Orks; they're my favorite alien race in all of fiction.

I love that the community had adopted that purple = stealthy Orks. Afterall, whose ever seen a purple ork?

Yup, orks are pretty good... Pretty good at dying.

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