Cassette Adventures!

You have found a shell containing a Scotch C-90 cassette tape cover. As you find out, it bears NO resemblance to the actual product. Things get really frustrating from there. Originally, it was a pre-recorded, mass-manufactured tape; turns out somebody took some masking tape, placed it over the record holes, and proceeded to tape over the original content. The tape (after you hold it up to the light) shows that someone taped over a cassette teaching Spanish. And a search all across the Internet, yes, including eBay and Amazon, brings up nothing. It would've been infinitely more interesting than what's on the tape you have bought.

And, once you put it in, the tape plays roughly the first half-hour of a three-hour special that ran on CBS (who held the rights to the EBC production) back in early 1976. The special is called ''A Celebration of Italian Music''. As expected, it has no commercials or station IDs. Whoever recorded this was quick on the draw with the stop button. What makes it even more frustrating is that he recorded on some portable audio cassette deck and just held the recorder close to the TV speaker. This wouldn't be bad if he keeps it in one place. Instead he moves the recorder around throughout the entire tape and it sometimes lands in VERY abominable positions. The silver lining here is that Countess Coloratura, or RaRa, a notable Italian Equestrian, probably put out a great live version of ''My Love, Forgive Me''.

Host Ender Knight: . . . so much where you are if you have intelligence and a good ear. And boy was he right. [Mainly Italian audience laughs. So much for that joke - Ed.] We call this program ''A Celebration of Italian Music'', yet we know we cannot fully cover several years of Italian music in three hours, or 30 for that matter, but what we can do and will bring you the essence of Italian music and demonstrate its roots in the music of all the world. [During the sentence, person slowly moves recorder out of the speaker's view but not too far out of it. So much for our audio levels. - Ed.] There can be only one place to start with, and that is with one of the greatest Italian opera singers of the modern age, singing an aria from one of the kings of Italian music. Ladies and gentlemen, Luciano Pavarotti [live performance of the Rigoletto piece ''La donna e mobile'' plays]

[tape says ''Italian Celebration'' and ''First Side'' handwritten on yellow tape paste-overs. So much for accurate titles. - Ed.]

Countess Coloratura: My love, forgive me,
I didn't mean to have it end like this,
I didn't mean to have you fall in love,
in love with me.

[So much for anything that remotely resembles bass. - Ed.]

[tape says ''Italian Celebration'' and ''3-17-76'' handwritten on yellow tape paste-overs. And ''2'' is scribbled on the existing tape label. So much for consistent labeling. - Ed.]

*Sweetie Belle is Jewish in my headcanon. This is also her identity in selective other headcanons.

Host Ender Knight (again): You know one of the best things Italy does for us is it brings life to the vocal chords in everybody to the point where they all begin to sing. Oh, how wonderful they sound when they're singing! One of the greatest Italian singers, Jewish singers, pop singers, whatever, she uses her pipes better than anyone I've worked with in show business. Ladies and gentlemen, the fantastic Sweetie Belle!

Sweetie Belle: She said "My Daughter, I beg of you
I have a wish that must come true
The last thing you can do for Mama
Please promise me that you will stay
And take my place while I'm away --
[Tape abruptly runs out]

[REQUEST DENIED! . . . also, so much for completeness. - Ed.]

based on a portion of this video

''The persons and events in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons or events is unintentional.''