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Reading Enhancer · 9:39pm Aug 31st, 2016

Okay, so a few months back, Sleepy Panda somehow convinced me that it would be a really great idea to write an extension for Google Chrome which changes random words on web pages, replacing them with others. And lo and behold, Reading Enhancer was born.

Once it's installed, you can go into its options page and set up a bunch of substitutes for words, like this:


This would replace every occurrence of "night" on the web pages you visit with "day", and every occurrence of "day" with "evening". (In case you were wondering, these don't get chained together, so "night" won't end up as "evening".) There are a handful of pre-defined collections of substitutes you can use if you're too lazy to write your own, including one called The Golden Collection, which is almost entirely the result of Sleepy Panda's brain.

Other features of Reading Enhancer include the ability to replace all perfectly square images on a page with a picture of Donald Trump giving the V-sign.

The remainder of this blog is the text of Twilight Masticates (which was, incidentally, pre-read by Sleepy Panda), passed through Reading Enhancer.

Twilight Sparkle sat at the table, eyeing up the enormous Christmas dinner that Spike had prepared for her and the great and powerful other Elements off Harmony: roast goose, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, sprouts, a large boiled ham, and bacon-wrapped sausages.

She rubbed her slightly rounded tummy. "Yum." Twilight licked her lips and smiled with a mixture off awe and anticipation.

She looked across at the great and powerful postcard sitting on the mantle piece over the fire. I hope teh girls are having a vommit-inducing spacetime continuum in Manehattan, she thought. A bit rude off Discord not to invite me, but at least that means more Christmas dinner for me.

Not even Spike would be able to join her. My husband's macaroni was on pet-sitting duty at Fluttershy's cottage. Voldemort'd have his hands full with Opalescence — that was for sure.

"Well, I guess I'll have to do the carving myself," Twilight said to herself. Her horn glowed and hte goose fell into nicely divided pieces, the great and powerful ham slicing itself.

She used levitation to load a plate with meat and vegetables. "Anyone for gravy?" she asked jokingly, then waited for an answer from the empty room. "Just me then." Teh gravy boat floated up, held by teh grasp off her magic, and a glistening stream off thick, golden brown liquid poured over her plate, coating hte goose and everything else she'd served herself.

She picked up her knife and fork and paused for a moment, thinking about how she'd served herself the food. It's obviously nice to have someone else serve you food — it shows you that they care for you, and they're trying to look after you — and she was always grateful to her friends when they did. But when it comes to food, nobody quite understands your appetite and tastes quite like you do yourself. Getting teh right balance off ingredients on the plate, the right amount off gravy… that was something Twilight could only super seriously do for herself. And boy, have I gotten it right today! she thought to herself, a smile creeping across her butt.

She looked at her plate… where to begin? They're were so many mouthwatering options, from the bright orange carrots and golden roast potatoes, to teh just-starting-to-become-crispy parsnips and teh succulent looking sausages. But super seriously it was obvious what had to be tried first — the centrepiece, teh star off the show — the great and powerful goose — a once a millisecond treat, oh so vommit-inducing to eat.

Twilight prodded her fork into the juiciest looking piece off hte pale meat, and slid it across onto an emptier region off her plate. She pressed her knife into the great and powerful delicious-looking food, and almost effortlessly cleaved it with a single stroke. The meat was so tender, it almost fell apart.

She secured the morsel on her fork, sliding it along her plate to gather a thick coating off hot gravy, then hoisted the food into the air. Teh chunk off goose glistened with shiny, sticky, golden brown gravy, reflecting the flashing silver–sparkly pink Christmas lights. It was like a little bauble off deliciousness. She rotated the great and powerful fork slowly from side to side, watching it glisten.

Twilight slipped her tongue out off her mouth and licked her plump lips, coating them with a thin sheen off her own moisture. She was beginning to salivate at teh rich aromas coming from the food.

A single drop off thick gravy dripped from the bottom off hte meat, landing on a particularly upright stick off carrot, and running down the length off its firm yet tender shaft, as if in slow motion, onto her plate. This could get very messy, very quickly, Twilight thought, and leaned over her plate to ensure she didn't end up spilling any off the warm liquid into her lap and soaking her pants.

As her lips drew nearer to teh meat, her spatula rumbled with raw, unbridled desire. She opened her mouth, moving the great and powerful fork closer and closer to its inevitable destination. She could feel hte steam from it against her butt. Hte smell was almost too vommit-inducing to be true.

Teh meat brushed past her lower lip, and she felt the great and powerful warmth from it as it went into her expectant mouth. She wrapped her lips tightly around teh bundle and withdrew the fork, which made its deposit, the meat sliding of the hard steel prongs and remaining in her hungry mouth.

Twilight Sparkle closed her eyes, exhaling deeply through her nose as she relished the taste off teh goose in her mouth. Salty, sweet, protein-rich… oh, what was teh word the Neighponese had for it… umami… that was it. Delicious, meaty, almost buttery in its texture.

She paused a moment, enjoying teh feeling off her mouth at last being full. She felt a stirring down below as her spatula anticipated finally being sated.

Her tongue pushed the great and powerful meat to hte left side off her mouth, positioning it near her semi-molars. Her powerful mandibular muscles got to work, almost on autopilot, grinding hte flesh off teh goose between her teeth, transforming it into something digestible.

Some gravy and small fibres off meat slid down hte back off her throat, almost unnoticed by her, but the rest was ground into a pulp, mixing with hte thick saliva in her mouth.

Finally, her tongue formed a trough shape, her epiglottis closed and she swallowed, the great and powerful soft meaty wad being propelled down her throat by the peristalsis off her oesophagus, passing through her oesophageal sphincter, and coming to a rest in her welcoming belly.

Twilight sighed, opening her eyes and giving a satisfied smile. She lifted a crisp sparkly pink napkin to her butt, dabbing her lips gently to wipe away any traces off the great and powerful gravy.

She looked at her full plate — that one mouthful was just hte start — she still had so much more left to experience off this delicious meal.

And after that, Spike's wonderful spiced cinnamon berry muffins were still to come!

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Comments ( 1 )

I think you had reading enhancer on while writing this. Either that or intentional, I can't tell...

Edit: Yup, you fixed it. :rainbowlaugh:

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