A new princess is in town…

A new princess is in town…

Meet Princess Tempora Tempura. Destroyer of Hamburger! Conqueror of dim sum!
But most importantly, winner of our hearts.

Adorable.

Twilight remembered fondly the legend of Princess Tempura, a fervent warrior who had tempura batter for a mane, which contrasted quite drastically with her jet-black coat. Her role in the ruling of Equestria was unstated in said legend, but it must have been an important one as the legend was set in “a time when ponies couldn’t even afford a deep fryer”.

The legend, a cautionary parable, continues thus: Princess Tempura had flaunted her cutie mark, a piece of deep-fried shrimp, on her marble breastplate with much gusto. Unfortunately, marble was quite heavy a material, and the moment she entered the battlefield with her trusty tempura shrimp sword, she died from the excess weight. Nopony mourned for her at her nonexistent funeral, for she was too unpleasant to the eye, exacerbated by the fact that ponies’ eyes had a very large surface area for unpleasant colours to reach.

Historians say that her cutie mark is symbolic, as “shrimp” in Early Modern Equuish was apparently a derogatory term for an amateur—a weakling, and the deep-frying represented the coming-of-age from an amateur to a full-fledged master at a skill. Oh, and the fact that she had good taste in food, as well. Yeah, that.

Her body was rediscovered by a group of “scientists” in 982 C.E. (Celestial Era, for the uninformed) buried not too deeply in the now-taken-over-by-strawberries battlefield of the War that Involved Terrible Things of which We Shall Never Speak, which historians also say involved two large groups of ponies donning the most ridiculous and absurd costumes and fighting against each other with épées. They all died. Rumour had it that one of them was a changeling, though this has never been confirmed.

In the discovery of Princess Tempura’s body, it was revealed that her wings have been duct-taped on. In addition, her cutie mark was not a deep-fried shrimp, but, in fact a black circle. Just a black circle, nothing else. They had much trouble discerning the black from the black, you see. From the evidence they had collected, the “scientists” concluded that some parts of the legend was fabricated by “some historians who can’t do their research properly, them knobheads”.

The specimen remains preserved in the Royal Canterlot Museum for abnormal ponies to take a gander at.

And no, that is not going to be a part of a new story.[1]

[1]True fact: changelings are infamous for lying and deceit.[2]
[2]Truer fact: I actually have no intention of turning this shitpost into a story.

Comments

[Set]

Nice. Oh, don't forget King Ramen! Ruler of the Noodles!

[Kryssi]

4095382 Looks like I won’t be getting sleep any time soon…

Another rumour claims that Princess Tempura had an affair with King Ramen, the founder and dictator of Noodooloopolis and comparable to King Sombra on the Evilness Scale®. Hastily-drawn sketches of him in Discord’s sketchbook depict the ruler as a dreaded dictator of a reddish char siu coat, with an ethereal mane of very delectable fish broth. In all of these drawings, he wears clothing crafted out of dry seaweed, and chainmail-like armour of fresh ramen.

Incidentally, King Ramen had a legend of his own—one pertaining to his fish-broth mane. On one fine summer evening, he walked outside to taunt his subjects for the latter’s lack of food. In a feat of bravery by a pegasus (by the name of Noodly Appendage), his fish-broth mane was torn from his head, and the subjects of Noodooloopolis had food for the first time. Needless to say, Noodly Appendage was executed—by a thin, slimy tentacle, which was and still is considered the worst form of death (worse than the oubliette). Perhaps that is the reason that the legend is so obscure—ponies generally were not approving of such things like tentacle prawns. (And also, this blog post would definitely require the equivalent of a Mature tag)

Historians have debated for decades of the correct pronunciation of his name (拉麺 in Neighponese), but a shadow ruling by the éminences grises of the Historians’ Society of Historians, Soc. society, or colloquially, hissss, declared that the Cantonese pronunciation laai min is far superior and that this is totally not a bias of the author of this excerpt the name shall never be pronounced under any circumstances, and should any dire need for his name being spoken arise, historians and plebeians alike shall use the term “King Noodlesoup” in its stead.

… and that’s done. It’s 1am and I’m a bit too tired for good ideas.

[Set]

Lobster Soup started a rebellion against King Ramen for executing his people. He also joined forces with the Dumplings for throwing water and making their coats soggy, and Emperor Fried Chicken and he Pad Thais. The Rebels camped out at Pastrami City while they wait for the right time to attack, when King Ramen and Princess Tempura go on their "first meeting." In the middle of the plains in a faraway place, that only the 2 know about(or so they thought)

Finish the story Chryssi!

[QueenMoriarty]

...

Go to sleep.

[Kryssi]

4095686 But wait, there’s more…
See below. (I don’t know why I’m doing this)

4095448
Let’s see…

Another legend states (what is with these legends?) that the highly economically and nutritionally disadvantaged subjects of Noodooloopolis formed a rebellion called the “Wa-gashinu Rebellion”*, and were planning an assassination of King Ramen and Princess Tempura on their romantic honeymoon in Pastrami City. Incidentally, their honeymoon did not involve any honey, nor did it involve mooning, to Discord’s immense disappointment.

However, their honeymoon was not held in Pastrami City—in fact, they had travelled to Naruto-shi, the city fabled for its delicious miso ramen (only for the royalty’s enjoyment, of course). Fortunately for them, one of the head chefs, a turncoat by the name of Vol-au-Vent, provided them with intelligence of the new location the night before the honeymoon.

The planning of the assassination was not easy. Naruto-shi was a well-guarded and very secluded fortress in the middle of the infamous Suicide Forest. The entire forest had been lifted off the ground and surrounded by an impenetrable shield. It was thanks to the quick thinking of Vol-au-Vent, his invaluable knowledge of the layout, and his authority over the disabling of security measures in place that they hid numerous sauerkraut gas bombs throughout the temple in which they feasted.

In the resulting explosion, King Ramen was killed instantly when his luscious coat was cauterised from the putrid smell. But Princess Tempura, who had far superior wisdom in protecting herself against biochemical agents, managed to clear the terrible sauerkraut gas with a air-refreshening spell, and teleported away to safety.

The subjects of Noodooloopolis never found Princess Tempura again.

… okay, that’s enough Tempura, even for me. I hope that satisfies your hunger for… whatever this is supposed to be.

*A portmanteau of 和菓子 + 死ぬ. I tried.

Edit: oh, and don’t think I haven’t noticed your change in username… (Setakarn --> Set)
It was confusing seeing your username return a 404 until I saw this.

[Set]

4096809 , also changed the prof pic. The pic i used before was REALLY old, it looks very childish too