Canadian History (w/ SuperKamek) · 5:16pm Jul 1st, 2016
Hello everyone! My name is SuperKamek, but chances are you probably already knew that, and today we'll be talking about Canadian history and all of its historical historical-ness!
Okay, so Canada was founded in 18... fuck, I dunno... on the principal of "Sorry". That's what we've taught our children straight from birth is to just say sorry to fix all your problems, and I apologize, and let's see how badly we can fuck this world over and still be able to say sorry for it.
So it was a time of great sadness in Britain, even more so than now (Ha! Brexit jokes!), since landlords we being assholes and wanted to take our sheep n' stuff. Of course we said no to that, so they decided to be bigger assholes than they already were and raise taxes and shit. So eventually Britain had to do something about this.
So Britain basically sent out two teams of dopey-ass-looking Pilgrims to search out new land, right? On of these teams ended up on the shores of what would soon be America, while the other one went further up north to find that Canada, though it wasn't quite called Canada yet, was there! But of course there were some native Americans there, who we called "Indians" because we thought we landed in India, and they were all like:
"Sup nerds! Nice traffic-cone hats!"
And we were all like:
"Well, I don't much care for you! I don't think we'll get along. Oh no, we're starving!"
And the swol native Americans were all like:
"You need some fiber, bruh. Here, take some fish and this corn thing."
"Oh, we've never seen CORN before!"
And so we had some corn or whatever and decided to combine this corn stuff with some of the native ugly fowl on the island and then Thanksgiving was created before the American thanksgiving, because it wasn't until later that the Americans realized maybe it wasn't a great idea to be killing all the island's natives.
But of course our British godfather's came in and they were all like:
"HEY. YOU MAKIN' ANY MONEY?!"
Actually, they were British so they sounded more like:
"Oi... You makin' any moneee?"
And we were all like.
"Uh... no?"
And they were all like:
"But we need moneee to buy our teabags and teapot collections. MMMM, yes!
And so the early Canadians were kinda like:
"Oh, y'know, we could cooperate! Since, y'know, we're Canadians (but not quite yet) and thus we have to automatically be friendly and kind to others, even if some of those people are total dickbags."
And so we came to an agreement that us pilgrims could live peacefully without having to worry about British laws so long as trade routes stayed open with Britain and Europe and whatever. And with this dawned the pilgrims roots of being Canadian! With it came Maple Syrup, Moose, Beavers, Lumberjacks, Bears! AHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
And then the war of 1812 happened and everyone died.
...
...except for the Canadians, of course! We beat those pesky Americans back into the south with our perfect builds and amazingly good looks in a conflict they love to say THEY won but we totally kicked their asses in! And then we...
...uh...
...BECAME QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!!!!
All of us. Each of us. Everyone of us.
There was Alexander, Justin, uh... Shatner and deadmau5... And they all stood on top of the world... They all had CN Towers and big ol' crowns on their heads... uh... Their dicks were hu-
And then we made peace with America and finally founded Canada in 18... uh... 19... A LONG TIME AGO! And with our Canadian powers we created free healthcare and world peace! But we also created Justin Bieber and have the highest amount of pollution in North America, so it all evens out in the end, I suppose. And that's why we shoot fireworks into the sky every year!
...because we're secretly mass-attacking the aliens WITH OUR MISSILES!!!!
Happy Canada Day, everyone!
Canada history for me-
The end. I'm sorry to all Canadians on this website.
4060445
No... That's just about right, actually.
4060449
Believe me; as an actual Canadian, I can safely say you weren't missing much.
*chuckles* This sounds like a Markiplier skit.
You did this almost exactly like Markipier would do it. Well done.
4060463
This was based off the Markiplier's American History video, so that's not surprising.
4060466 Well you did a good job in capturing his style. I already imagine Markiplier reading this in my head, just like he did with his 4th of July video.
4060456 Heh.
I was suppose to learn stuff from my history lessons but I just did some textbook work and didn't really memorize much
I live in Canada
I can't say much about Canada, so uhhhmm...
Half-random fun-fact: William Shatner is a brony
4060495
Well you won't be finding much more help here, sorry to say.
4060498 Hehe.
4060497
Oh... Well, you learn something new everyday!
You would make one interesting history teacher!
But still, thanks for sharing this brief history on Canada! I never even knew America and Canada fought. Wounder why they don't teach you that in school. Awe well, maybe next year.