Clarifications and New Chapter · 4:35pm May 31st, 2016
Hi all, the new chapter is out today. Hope you like it; things are going to start heating up from here and we're going to really get the ball rolling.
I've gone back and added a few character descriptions to chapter 2 in an effort to clarify who some of the ponies are. I confess that I have personal distaste for expository dialogue and narration, but several people were dead on when they said that I needed some more accurate descriptions of who the different ponies in the caravan are. I'll just come out and say that not everypony there is a reincarnation, but most of them are. I'm also including the descriptions in this post below, so that current readers don't have to go and slog back through the chapter to find them.
for Axel:
She was a stout mare, her legs keeping her short and low to the ground. Her yellow-green coat was brushed and wiry, flecks of hair sticking up and forming a halo around her ruby eyes. But it was her mane was what drew the most attention. It was dyed grey in four tones, light to dark, the darkest almost black.
for Cesar and Capricorn:
Cesar was well into middle age now, but had kept himself in shape and had easily picked Spec up into a bear hug when she greeted him. His green coat was no worse for wear, and he had chopped his blonde mane down almost to the scalp. Capricon had grown as well; the Sagittarian had filled out from when Blitz had first found him in the military. His mane was long, no longer cut short in the Hub City military style.
for Noble and Jade:
Beside them, standing so still that they could only be guards, were two other Andalusian ponies, a stallion and a mare, their coats as white as the snow on the mountain. The stallion's mane alternated between light and dark blue, accenting his handsome face. He would have been quite intimidating save for a small, goofy smile that broke the tension. The mare was much stricter. Her mane was clipped short, streaks of dark cyan cutting through the base deep purple. She stared straight ahead, so still she could have been bolted into place.
Last but not least, I may be on the lookout for both a new pre-reader and a new cover photo. One of my current readers has some stuff she's got to deal with and is on hiatus, and my current pic, while cool, is being used into the ground by a lot of stories. I'm looking on my own, but if anyone perchance happened to see a picture that they thought would be a good match/knows of good pre-readers/is a pre-reader themselves, I'd love the help.
Until next time, Fawkes out.
I cannot say I have ever pre-read before and I am going to assume that I do not know everything that being a pre-reader entails. If you cannot find anyone with actual experience, I would be more than happy to have an attempt at it until your regular pre-reader returns. Provided of course that I am informed of what is expected of me.
Again though this is only if you can't find anyone with experience. I believe the story has potential and should be handled by someone with an appropriate measure of skill.
I have quite enjoyed reading this, and would love to be a pre-reader. Editing is a hobby I have not enjoyed for some time, but I would be pleased to join your team! Feel free to send a writing sample if you'd like to see me in action. Or whatever.