Serious opinion and a preview · 12:18pm Feb 11th, 2016
I need to know what you guys think on this, I kinda suck writing action or aftermaths related to battles.
Criticism is appreciated here
PoV: Naalein
Location: Hive ruins
Time: ???I awoke in pain, feeling the affects of the fight take its toll on me, I opened my eyes and noticed half my face was under a puddle of water.
‘Pain, my old friend.’ I thought as I placed my hands on the floor, ready to push myself up.
As I held myself up, I felt an intense amount of pain on my back. I looked behind me and saw that I had at least five swords embedded on my back, my wings were tattered and had holes in them.
‘Valiant soldiers fighting for the wrong cause.’ I thought as I looked at the countless bodies of changelings soldiers, good and bad.
I looked at my reflection in the puddle and saw that I had some blood coming through my mouth, a small but noticeable cut across my right eye. I've never felt so much pain in this life or the one before.
I pushed myself up, hard with all the strength I could muster and kept myself steady. I heard a female groan close to me.
‘All because of you!’ I thought with much hate.
It was the stupid changeling that caused all of this, this destruction. She groaned as she placed a hand to her head.
I kicked her back on to the floor, earning a violent cough from her before grabbing her by the neck and pulling her up.
“Look at you, thinking you know what's best for the changelings, but all you know is how to do the exact opposite. Homes destroyed, lives lost, Men mourn the loss of their wives as the women that didn't fight mourn the loss of their husbands, while countless children are orphaned, hungry and alone!” I shouted at her, tightening my hold on her neck, earning a choke from her. I could see that she had tears streaming down her muzzle.
“All because of your lust for power, you and you alone have done this! One great sin must be punished with one great judgement.” I said, tightening my grip again, not allowing her to breath. She tried to reach for her amulet around her neck but I grabbed it yanked it off her neck. I looked at the accursed amulet and smashed in my hand, none shall suffer from it's dark magic again.
I looked her eyes as they turned from red to green as tears started flowing down. I lessened my grip to allow her final words.
“I-I-I’m so-sorry.” She choked out, tears flowing down her muzzle and onto my arm. I clicked my tongue, making her eyes close due to her sensitive hearing.
“Karma’s a bitch.” I said, pulling out a sword from my back and plunging it in her heart
Nice, I like it.
3747543 would you believe that's the starting of the chapter?
3747564 What? That's the beginning?
That kind of beginning has been done and had work but what you do after it is the key word part. Would you go back in time to see how it began or continue from there and put clues on how and why it happened. Basically would you do a megamind beginning or a CSI beginning?
3747583 You'll see.
3747644 I'll be looking forward to it...