Illumination: Big Tobacco Be Like... · 1:55pm Oct 17th, 2015

This... This was going to be a rant on why I hate the term "Social Justice Warrior," or "SJW." Namely because you took a term used to describe an idiotic and despicable group of people, used it for everything under the sun because it was a good way to win arguments without trying, and now it means nothing anymore. Bizarrely similar to what those very same people did to the terms "Racist" and "Sexist." Or what people outside of any fandom did to the word "Butthurt."

I was going to talk about that... When THIS happened.

... I'm sorry you had to see that.

You know... I've had my problems with TruthOrange in the past. I believe their methods to be overbearing, their research to misleading and often flat out inaccurate, and (and this is the cardinal sin) THEIR PSAs TO BE OBNOXIOUS.

I do not smoke. I will never smoke. No one in my family smokes. My mother was a smoker for 21 years, and she quit about 24 years ago, before I was even born. My uncle Xenophon WAS a smoker for most of his life, and he died of a heart attack at a very young age, and I would be and idiot not to think that cigarettes were a factor in that. So I can actually say that smoking quite possibly caused the death of someone close to me. Because of this and several other factors I will never purchase a pack of Cigarettes. Big Tobacco will never get one red cent of my money.

That is unless a TruthOrange PSA at long lats pushes me over the edge and pisses me off enough to buy a pack. Because they are the only things to make me want to.

And I grew up in the heyday of Joe Camel. You know! When Cigarettes were definitely TRYING to advertise to kids and teens? Back when Big Tobacco were ACTUALLY unscrupulous bastards, instead of a bunch of honest hardworking people who are trying to get by despite the crippling fact they can't advertise on TV, online, or... fucking anywhere. I laughed and clapped at the funny camel with the sunglasses. Still no urge to smoke.

Then a truth PSA came on, and I had the urge to break that insane world record that guy made where he stuffed 100 cigarettes in his mouth.

You see, TruthOrange honestly think smokers do not understand the health risk. They believe, truly and sincerely, that all smokers have been tricked. Led like cattle to the slaughter, because either you never took a middle school health class, or you can't fucking read.

And here's the thing, I have nothing against anti-smoking PSAs. Really, I don't, There were a few that ran a few years ago showing what could happen if smoking fucked you up, but didn't kill you. Those were fucking effective! You showed people a side to the health risk that they probably wouldn't have considered otherwise, and it sent a clear and respectful message. Namely, "You have decided that the calm you get off of cigarettes is worth the risk of dying. That's fine. Now consider if it is worth living like this."

But TruthOrange came off always as so preachy and condescending that even as a kid it sent me running to the opposite side. Talking down to grown adults and scolding them as if they had just gotten into Daddy's liquor cabinet.

And then... We get this. And I have no words.

Literally. There has yet to be a word or group of words in sequence that can explain how incredibly stupid that garbage was. We've moved past condescending and skedaddled straight into Authentic Frontier Gibberish.

They don't even MENTION the health risk anymore! They just had an internet celebrity come on and say "If you purchase the thing, the people who make the thing will get payed."

....

YOU CAN SAY THAT ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING!!!

Watch! I'll do it! I'll do it right fucking now!

Non-Morning People be like:

I purchase this Frappucino every Monday so I do not ritualistically murder my co-workers with a sledgehammer.

Starbucks Coffee be like:

Obviously this means that non-morning people are being tricked by Starbucks to purchase their obviously dangerous coffee! Don't get cafe, while Caffine gets Moh-nay! What do you mean I've lost my damn mind?!

This is, without a doubt, the worst PSA I have ever seen in my life. I was going to say "It's almost as goofy as Pee-Wee Herman telling us about crack," but it's actually WORSE. At least Pee-Wee was straightforward! At least he told us about actual things you might need to be informed about! He was actually pretty damn convincing if you could stop giggling at the concept long enough to listen.

This is stupid, it's nonsensical, and... I'm gonna go with accidentally communist.

But hey, at least I know why Tobacco is still a growing, nay BOOMING, business despite only being able to advertise at point of sale. I also know that whatever the hell TruthOrange is smoking has to be FAR worse than a cigarette.

I'm Greg. You're welcome for this Enlightenment.

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