Since I have nothing better to do with my sad excuse of a life, let's look at the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

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The story of the Cutie Mark Crusaders began all the way back in the pilot. We were introduced to Apple Bloom, the brave and inquisitive little filly who would later prove to be the only pony in Ponyville that wasn't a racist. Shortly after befriending Zecora, however, her status as a "blank flank" was formally brought to her attention, and she began to go to crazed lengths to discover her special talent and earn her Cutie Mark. After a disaster at a party, she was defended (and befriended) by two other blank flanks: Sweetie Belle (Rarity's sister) and Scootaloo (Rainbow Dash's number one fan). Together, the three vowed to discover their purposes in life, and thus the CMC were born! And lo, did they make idiots out of themselves while blindly searching for their talents.

And then Season 2 happened.

The CMC underwent some revisions in the second season. While they were still campaigning for their Cutie Marks, they also spent a lot more time just hanging out and being actual little kids. They smacked beach balls around, got into a fight in front of an entombed God of Chaos, and even tried hooking up their teacher with Big Macintosh. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle also got their own episodes, both of which explored their connections to their family and how it reflects on them. Scootaloo, unfortunately, got the shaft.

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As a group, the CMC operate out of a clubhouse on a secluded part of Sweet Apple Acres. The clubhouse itself used to belong to Applejack, but when Apple Bloom and her friends went into the crusading business, she gave the run-down shack to them as a fixer-upper. After some work, however, the three fillies got the place in order, and thus began their grand quest to go through an allegory for puberty. When not in the clubhouse, however, they are also willing to meet up at the school, or at Carousel Boutique from time to time.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders more or less function as a miniature version of the Mane 6, both in age and in number. Like how the Mane 6 are evenly proportioned for each race, the CMC also have one representative from each of the three main pony types. They also share similar personality traits, such as Apple Bloom being stubborn like Applejack, or Scootaloo being obsessed with coolness like Rainbow Dash on a bad day, or even Sweetie Belle trying to be poised and cultured like Rarity. The three also have hopes of living up to their idealized siblings and heroes, and desperately want their Cutie Marks to tie into their dream occupations.

Unfortunately, not only do Cutie Marks usually not work on a literal level like that, but as a whole, the talents each member possesses run contrary to what they specifically want. Granted, they could fulfill the spirit of their hero worship, but the actual letter is against them. In addition, the fillies continuously fail to get their Cutie Marks, and while their determination is understandable, the big problem is that they will never listen to the adults and actually try to earn a Cutie Mark the proper way. Indeed, their inability to get the point is what causes them to set themselves up for failure time and again.

And yes, I know they were all under a table together in the first half of the pilot. As far as I can tell, however, they didn't become friends at that point, so let's just move on.

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Apple Bloom was introduced all the way back in the pilot episode, standing out against the unrecognizable horde of Apple Family members. She then returned in "Bridle Gossip" to teach the dumb adults that Twilight is illiterate and that racism is a very bad thing. In the first appearance, she was simply meant to be cute and cuddly, while in the second she was brave, wise, and willing to learn the truth of a situation while the adults just acted like idiots. This was a very smart move, as it allowed us to get to know the character before she was brought to the forefront, and her being a sibling to Applejack allowed her to fit in naturally. I mean, can you imagine if they just introduced, say, a big brother right out of nowhere? That'd just be silly. Anyway, a couple episodes after meeting Zecora, AB becomes obsessed with earning her Cutie Mark, joins with the others, and forms the CMC.

On occasion, Apple Bloom seems to take the role as leader of the CMC most of the time, although she never appears to be overbearing in this position. For the most part, her role simply includes helping to come up with ideas and shouting inspirational speeches before they fail again. She also renovated the Crusader's clubhouse, turning it from a dilapidated shack into a proper playset for kids to buy. This has gradually been extended to a talent in designing and producing things, from knowing how to sew and paint to how to cook Zap Apple Jam. She has also shown a talent for mixing potions, as seen in "Cutie Pox" and "Hearts and Hooves Day," although both cases led to disaster because she failed to actually research what she was working on.

Unfortunately, AB has a rather major flaw: impatience. While Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle want their marks too, they're willing to laugh their blank flanks off as long as they have a good time. Apple Bloom, on the other hand, has a tendency to lose her cool when she fails. This was made worse when, after a string of failures, she seemed to finally get her mark for bowling...only to realize she was looking at the wrong lane, and somepony else had gotten their mark for the sport. In this situation, she was so upset that she sulked her way through every attempt to cheer her up before blindly wandering into the Everfree Forest. And then she used the Heart’s Desire, and… Well, she’d probably be dead if Zecora hadn’t shown up just in time.

Apple Bloom is very close to the rest of her family, especially Applejack. In the absence of her parents, AJ has taken on the role as surrogate mother for her little sis, and AB looks up to her with a great deal of admiration and respect. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like bucking or selling apples is really in her future. Unlike Applejack, she never shows a huge amount of interest in running the farm, and her one attempt at selling apples (for a Cutie Mark, naturally) ended with her pulling a number of unscrupulous moves before forcing Applejack to give up their entire supply to satisfy Bon-Bon. Many a fic have explored this aspect, usually with Apple Bloom fearing scorn and hatred for not having an apple on her flank, only to learn that her family will love her anyway.

In fact, the only family member she has had any sort of disagreement with was Granny Smith, her elderly and half-senile grandmother (?). While she normally takes the old mare's forgetfulness and silly behavior with no small amount of good humor, AB was still convinced by Diamond Tiara that her grandmother was a loon. It wasn't until she learned Granny's story of Ponyville that she learned how cool her grandmother really was, that all the crazy steps she took were important parts of the jam production, and that Diamond Tiara really needs to drop out of the villain game. She sucks at it.

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Sweetie Belle is the younger sister of Rarity. Despite actually living with their parents, the filly spends much of her non-school, non-crusading day hanging out at Carousel Boutique, basking in her sister’s glory. Like the rest of her comrades, she also wants to discover her special talent and finally earn a Cutie Mark. And like the other two fillies, she already has a dream: to be like her big sister.

Unfortunately, Sweetie Belle is very much not Rarity. Her one attempt at designing and sewing ended with her making incredibly obvious mistakes, such as not washing her brush between strokes and sewing five leg holes into her costumes. She’s also incredibly clumsy and short-sighted, often performing tasks without thinking or realizing what she’s doing. In fact, the one time she did sew something correctly was with the Crusaders’ capes, which she made out of the silk her sister needed to finish some cloaks for a big order.

And then, of course, there’s the little problem that she, “Just wants to help.” This was made especially apparent in “Sisterhooves Social,” where her attempts to help, as well-intentioned as they may be, led to a mass of inedible food, a shrunken sweater, several misused gemstones, and messing up Rarity’s work area. Fortunately, most of those instances managed to pay off in the end, but the fact remains that she is far more of a pest to Rarity than she wishes to be.

Unlike her big sister, Sweetie is not afraid to get messy in the name of good fun; in fact, she revels in the dirt at times, and loves playing outside. At the same time, though, she was the first one to realize that zip lining was probably not the world’s best idea.

One aspect that definitely defines Sweetie Belle is her speech. When speaking, her voice has a tendency to crack and squeak, often on random syllables. This only grows worse as she becomes increasingly agitated; when she finally started yelling at Rarity, one squeak was so loud and so pronounced that she might as well have been sucking down helium beforehand. On the other hand, however, she has a beautiful singing voice…sometimes. She can carry a melody like nobody’s business, and can even compose lyrics on the fly, but she apparently thinks a deep, belting gospel number is appropriate for a “lullaby.” Even worse, while it’s plainly obvious this is her special talent, she is completely oblivious to her abilities, doesn’t get why ponies think she should sing, and suffers from stage fright.

We know almost nothing about Sweetie Belle’s parents besides that Sweetie lives with them and they are the polar opposites of Rarity. Apparently, her mother has been giving her cooking lessons, but given the quality of her cuisine, it’s a miracle Rarity lived to adulthood. (Maybe they just ate out a lot.) Her relationship with Rarity, however, stands in sharp contrast to all the other sibling relationships on the show so far. While Applejack and Apple Bloom get along perfectly, and Twilight Sparkle is possessive of Shining Armor, Rarity and Sweetie Belle can barely stand being in the same room without getting into an argument over something. As the older sister, Rarity is frequently frustrated with Sweetie Belle’s insistence on helping, while Sweetie doesn’t get why Rarity is so upset with her all the time. The two are completely different ponies, and act like a lot of actual siblings do. But still, despite their bickering and screaming matches, they still love each other deeply.

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Scootaloo is the third member of the Crusaders, and certainly the most tomboyish of them all. She’s a rough-and-tumble adventurer, eager to get out there and earn her Cutie Mark no matter how many mountains she has to climb. When Scootaloo suggests an activity, there’s a good chance it’ll involve something daring or dangerous. After all, she has the greatest pony to ever come out of Cloudsdale to live up to!

No, not Fluttershy…

Scootaloo’s claim to fame is her namesake scooter. Despite being a Pegasus, Scoots is apparently incapable of actual flight, and can at most hover a few inches off the ground while her wings beat frantically away. However, when riding her scooter, she can use the same wings to propel her forward at fantastic speeds. Her daredevil attitude also translates into her riding; she can’t go down the main street without trying to pull off as many jumps, spins, flips, and anything else she can think of as possible. She can even pull a wagon with her two friends inside using only her wing power. Unfortunately , her lack of flying ability is a major issue to contend with, as more and more ponies around her age have been shown to be capable of at least a limited amount of flight. Either Scootaloo is just incapable of flying altogether, or her reliance on her scooter has basically removed the necessity of flying from her life.

Scootaloo has a deep disgust for anything “mushy,” and is not afraid to show it. During the entirety of “The Cutie Mark Chronicles,” she grew increasingly frustrated not only from her inability to locate Rainbow Dash, but because she kept running into happy, loving, sappy stories from every single pony she ran into. And when she got roped into a song at the end, her lamentation pierced the very skies above. That being said, she was willing to go along with setting up Cheerilee with Big Macintosh, if only because she admires her teacher that much. That didn’t stop her from getting visibly ill from the love poison’s effects, however.

Scootaloo idolizes Rainbow Dash, and is willing to do anything for her. For her part, Dash just plays along with the kid’s enthusiasm, although she was visibly hurt when even Scoots jumped ship to the Mare-Do-Well Fan Club. The Pegasus was also willing to meet Scootaloo backstage after their disastrous performance in “Show Stoppers.” Unfortunately, the full scope of this relationship (outside of the Rainbow Dash Fan Club from MMDW) has yet to really be explored. She also has a very loving family that has not been shown onscreen yet, and is most certainly not a homeless orphan living in the Crusader Clubhouse. And she is NOT a chicken.

Sadly, Scootaloo has gotten the least attention of any of the Crusaders. Hopefully Season 3 will remedy this.

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The Cutie Mark Crusaders act like a supporting set of protagonists, making appearances in other episodes while also starring in their own. Indeed, they were originally planned for a spinoff aimed at a preschool audience, but that never got off the ground. Unfortunately, they have also drawn a rather large amount of dislike from the fans, as they take up a good number of episodes that could be devoted to the Mane 6. To be fair, however, they have only had four dedicated episodes as the CMC in each season, with them making more appearances in a supporting position in other episodes like “Return of Harmony” and “Lesson Zero.”

However, they have improved greatly since the first season. Back then, every word that came out of their mouths has something to do with Cutie Marks, their combined IQ could be counted on two hands, and they were completely oblivious to anything and everything that could actually finish their quest. The second season, however, has allowed them to grow a bit more and develop as actual characters. Hopefully Season 3 will continue this trend. And Hasbro, please give Scootaloo a episode. She’s lonely.

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Well, see you later.