Story review: Cool story bro, but it needs more... PONIES?!? · 7:51pm Aug 16th, 2015
You can find the story here: Cool story bro, but it needs more... ponies?!?
SPOILERS!!!
"Cool Story bro, but it needs more ponies"... A phrase a human friend of mine has used jokingly to his non-brony friends. This story, however, has little to do with this phrase. Instead, it has a high schooler transform into a pony by his friend witch (a witch, like salem witch trials) then after a long series of events, become a brony. But I, am going to to talk about it’s highs… and it’s shortcomings. I didn’t take any notes on this one, and it’s been awhile since I read it, so maybe I’ll have some things to say if I re-read it.
SPOILERS BELOW UNTILL LINE
History nerd Lyle Anderson, a normal teen… who should really get new friends. One day, he goes to school (bla bla bla, marix joke, bla bla bla mr. anderson), and grows a cyan blue mane. He get’s called up to the board to answer a question, and stupidly does it, knowing he will have to take off his hood, revealing his mane. One of the many, many, many excuses that could have gotten him out of it is… “I don’t know the answer.” Simple as that. But, he doesn't do it… because it would be embarrassing. What?!? But his chief fear about his mane (besides that it’s a mane) is that it would be embarrassing! What’s more embarrassing, not knowing a question, or having (in his words,) a f&^%ing blue mullet.
He goes up to the board, and takes off his hood, and has no repercussions of it. No, not one! Even in the sequels, no one ever brings this up again. So I guess everyone thought “Lyle has a mullet, I’m pretty sure he didn’t have it at the beginning, but, oh well!” After a few changes to his ears, Lyle panics and runs into the bathroom. He discovers they are horses ears… ok, raise your hoof/hand if you were generally surprised by the “twist.” Ok… now lower your hands if you’re a small child… or have some brain degenerative disorder. (no hands are raised) Yeah, that’s what I thought. Ok ok, I’m being unfair, I very doubt that this was a twist, because this is on FimFiction, so it has to have something to do with ponies, and he’s transforming, so he can either be a equestria specific monster (that number is very limited) or a pony. So… yeah. So, back to the story, The bell rings and Lyle meets up with his only suspect a “borderline witch”/pegasister named Angela. She looked up a “circle ritual” on the internet, adjusted the transformation spell to “ponification” and bam 24 hours of ponydom! So, the plot is set up! Leaving the rest of the story to unfold! Except… Lyle has detention… at the time period during which he will be a full pony. Ok, now the plot is set up. So, Lyle spends the next two hours slowly changing into a pony. He doesn't think of a way out of detention, so he is physically dragged to it, via his helicopter mother. he fully transforms before he can come up with a way out. He makes the detention teacher faint, and escapes, bumping into his crush. She scratches him behind the ears, he gives her a fake name, and runs home, where he decides to watch My Little Pony, and becomes a brony. He changes back the next morning, and the end.
Despite all my nitpicking, I really liked this story. It had ok humor, ok storytelling, and great description. It’s a oneshot, so It is a relatively quick read, but it is worth it.
Hahaha
Yeah, when you describe it from that point of view, it makes the story seem kind of lame. But then again, I never intended it to be anything like a 'life changing story that would make a reader contemplate their psychological place in the universe'. I merely wrote it so a few people who'd read it could get a laugh out of it... just didn't think 300 would.
Anyways, thanks for the review!